


Lovers

by coffee666



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Academy Era, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anal Sex, Begging, Biting, Drama, Drunk Spock, Family Drama, First Kiss, First Time, Hand Kink, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Marriage, Nyota and Jim are friends bc I'm obsessed with their friendship, Secret Relationship, Secret dating, Sexting, Sharing a Bed, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Teacher-Student Relationship, academy au, mild melds, sexual content early on bc i cant control myself, sort of, vulcan hand porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-01 10:48:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 61,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8621572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffee666/pseuds/coffee666
Summary: The first words your soulmate will say to you are tattooed on your arm.Jim spends his life keeping his eyes peeled for a Vulcan. Spock spends his life with the goal of Earth in mind, as he knows his soulmate is human. They find each other, but it's not in the way either one expected. The fact that they are treading on the territory of a professor/cadet relationship keeps them apart, but how can you ignore it when your mind, body, and soul becomes attached?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm always a slut for this AU. Follow me on tumblr @frappuccinio.

Jim’s words show up before anyone else’s in his class. He remembers being about five and staring at the words on the inside of his forearm as he dangles from the monkey bars. He’s too young to understand what they mean. That afternoon he drops his bag and lunchbox by the door and runs to his mother’s office. He’s not normally allowed in there, but in his young mind, this is an emergency.

“What does this mean?” He asked, holding out his arm.

She looks over from her computer with thinly veiled annoyance at the interruption and her eyebrows shoot up when she sees the words.

“It’s what your soulmate will say to you.” Her eyes are still scanning the words as if she doesn’t understand them.

“But what’s it mean?” he asks more firmly.

“I don’t know.” She just says, before turning back to the screen.

“Hmm…” He trips over his shoelaces as he walks out, closing the door behind him. By the time he’s had his snack and done his homework, he’s forgotten and it’s hardly an issue anymore.

❖ ❖ ❖

He grows up sparing glances at the words. He can’t help but wonder, as everyone does, about his soulmate. What will they look like? And why would they say…

_“Sweet Surak!”_

He’s about twelve when he finally just types the words into the computer. It’s summertime in Iowa, and with his mom off planet again, and Sam off with his friends, Jim’s long sense learned to pick the lock on his mom’s office door in order to use the computer. He’s not ashamed to say his mom’s classic book collection in there is just as interesting –he’s always been a bit of a nerd.

But apparently not as much of a nerd as his soulmate, though. Typing in the words shows him pages of pages of this Surak guy. He’s apparently some great philosopher in Vulcan culture. Only a nerd would care enough to read the text-heavy pages he’s found, and to like it all enough to use the name like that.

Is it a Vulcan? Vulcan’s were so weird, with their stern faces and lack of emotion. Just the few he’d seen pictures of were kinda scary. He can’t imagine being destined to be with one. He shrugs and closes the webpage before going to where he left his shoes. Maybe he can play outside some before Frank comes home.

❖ ❖ ❖

He’s sixteen when he falls for Lisa. She’s got such bright eyes and more freckles than there are stars in the sky. She lets him kiss her, and put his hands all over her. Only when he asks her out to dinner does she shake her head.

With a small apologetic smile, she just exposes her forearm to him, turning it so he can see the words that weave between the freckles. He doesn’t bother to read them --because he knows they’re not what he said to her when he first met her. Just like his words aren’t what she first said to him.

That night, for the first time, he really thinks about who his soulmate is. And he hates them. He doesn’t want a Vulcan. He wants Lisa, who always let him hold her hand, even when his knuckles were split and bruised from Frank.

He doesn’t let himself look at girls after that. Maybe that’s how he starts to get a keen eye for what looks good in guys. He’s eighteen when Gary lets him kiss him the way Lisa did. He puts his hands on Gary’s chest and arms, and his own body practically sings in response.

“D-do you wanna go out sometime?” Jim is a babbling kid once more when he asks Gary out over the thumping sounds of the music. Why does he go to parties like this when the loud music is gonna make him deaf before he hits his twenties?

“What?” Gary shouts, the party’s music practically swallowing his voice.

“I said,” Jim’s face flushes and he takes a deep breath before shouting once more “Do you wanna go out with me?!”

“Nah…sorry.” Gary shakes his head. “I’m still waitin’ on my soulmate. We can still make-out though?”

“Okay.” And Jim hates himself for it.

They make out until Jim’s bottom lip is swollen from bites. His brain is a mix of wants and don’t-wants. His body seems to act on its own accord. In the dark corner of the living room, he ruts against Gary until he’s coming in his pants. Gary moans, and Jim tries not to fall in love with the sound. It doesn’t really work.

❖ ❖ ❖

He’s alone in Iowa for a couple of years in his twenties. Mom’s off-planet again, after the shortest shore leave she’s ever spent with him. He really tries not to blame her for all of that, after all, losing your soulmate is a pain he can’t even imagine.

Sam’s gone too, having his met his soulmate last year. They relocated to god-knows-where, and Jim tries not to feel bitter whenever he opens their Christmas card. He grabs his coat and heads out to drown his sorrows at the bar.

“Oh, sure, I speak almost every Earth language…” A girl at the bar says braggingly to a nearby patron. Jim tries to tune her out, knocking his head back to take another shot. “…Alien languages too. Klingon, Vulcan…”

Jim’s head snaps back. Vulcan. He glances over at from his corner table. Even from the distance and minimal lighting, he can see her pretty well. She’s got dark skin and long hair. He nods once to himself. Yes, of course it’s a human. And a girl. So what if she happens to like Vulcan culture?

As he stands and takes a few wobbly steps her way. He’s drunker than he thought, and it shows when he bumps a table.

“You got a problem, pal?” One of the guys at the table growls. Jim ignores him and instead calls to the girl at the bar.

“Hey!” Her ponytail whips as she looks at him over her shoulder. A flick of her eyes sizes him up.  He knows whatever he says next is going to be the thing on her arm. He tries to choose his words carefully, but the alcohol is getting to him, making his mind slow.

Just then, the guy at the table stands abruptly. He grabs Jim’s arm and Jim yanks it back from his grasp. “Back off, Cupcake.” Jim retorts in his direction before looking back to the girl. She’s just watching.

So she sees when the guy grabs Jim again and shoves him onto the table. Glasses spill and shatter around him and he quickly bounces back to his feet and throws a punch.

“Hey! Cut that shit out!” The bartender beckons for security, but the guy is gone fast.

Jim stands and winces when he sees the cuts on his arm. The spilled drinks sting, but he wants nothing more than to ignore the pain and run. The girl is beside him now.

“Are you okay?” She undoes her jacket and drapes it over his shoulders. With her arms exposed, he can see her words.

_“Can I get a towel, please?”_

He supposed, technically, he could say that now. A towel is certainly warranted when he’s got several glasses of bourbon soaking through his pants.

But no, it’s too late. She isn’t his and he isn’t hers.

“I’m fine…” His voice actually shakes as he pulls her coat from his shoulders and folds it in her arms.

“You’re bleeding…” Her voice rises at the end as if trying to convince him of it. What does it matter? He can’t really feel it.

He just shakes his head. If he talks again, he knows his voice will just break like a small bundle of twigs. He turns and stumbles out the door.

❖ ❖ ❖

The shuttle is so packed that it’s only a matter of time before the seat beside him is taken. His brain is foggy with sleep from having gotten up so early, but the half that’s running entertains the idea of his soulmate plopping down next to him.

Someone does sit next to him. He looks frazzled as hell and smells like he may have already had a drink this morning. He mumbles something about his ex-wife before actually turning to Jim.

“…I may throw up on you.” He warns.

“That’s okay.” Jim actually cracks a smile, surprised at his lack of disappointment. “But you’ll owe me. Jim Kirk.” He offers his hand.

“Leonard McCoy.” He shakes it. “So, what brings you to the service?”

“Home got lonely.” He shrugged. “Space might be better.”

“Space is filled with danger and diseases.” McCoy shakes his head bitterly.

Jim smiles again. He’s not sure how, but he thinks they’ll get along fine.

❖ ❖ ❖

“Have you met yours yet?” Jim asked McCoy a couple of days into the semester. He’s got a padd on the bed in front of him on the bed open to the coursework, but he’s not really looking at it. His t-shirt leaves his words fully exposed, and his eyes can’t help but wander to them.

“Nope.” McCoy says, popping the word from his mouth. He’s actually reading for the new classes tomorrow, his feet propped up on the desk.

Jim doesn’t have to ask why. Getting married to someone that wasn’t your soulmate is practically unheard of, as is such a nasty divorce.

“Aren’t you curious though? Maybe this one’s nice…” Jim reached up and traces his words with a fingertip.

“Maybe.” McCoy just shrugs.

“Well, what’s yours say?”

“You gonna keep bugging me or what? I can’t concentrate with all the questions.” McCoy’s feet thump onto the floor when he drops them from the desk.

“Sorry.” Jim doesn’t even try to hide his grin. It’s so funny how McCoy’s grumpiness never seems to get him down. It only fuels his border-line obnoxious behavior. They bicker like they’re brothers, and it’s only been three days.

“What about you?” McCoy looks over, a glare in his eyes that Jim knows means he’s just asking out of a chance to make Jim taste his own medicine. “What do your words say?”

“Nothing.” Jim’s eyes bore into the words on his padd. “I’m trying to concentrate…”

❖ ❖ ❖

“No offense, but you’re crazy.” Hikaru Sulu says to Jim with a tiny shake of his head. “No one can do a command track in three years, let alone extracurricular clubs.”

“Yea,” Jim agrees. “I am crazy.”

They’re sitting cross-legged on the floor of one of the sparring rooms in the gym on campus. They’d just finished training for fencing, and Jim was trying to decide if he should tell McCoy that he thinks he pulled a muscle.

“You couldn’t _pay_ me to trek out to xenolinguistics club.” Sulu chuckles, running his towel across the blade of the sword. It was only proper to clean their weapons and armor before leaving, but Jim hardly ever did.

“You trek out to fencing practice _and_ botany club.” Jim points out, laying back onto the sparring mat and splaying his limps out.

“Yeah, cuz those are actually fun.” Sulu laughs again. “Why do you wanna be in _that_ club? They meet so early…like before classes even start in the morning.”

“I just do.” Jim bites the inside of his cheek in order to maintain a neutral expression. The bottom line is that while, yes, such an advanced club would look good on his record, there’s also good chance he’ll find his soulmate there. Where else would someone who liked Vulcan culture go?

“Are they gonna let you in the club?” Sulu stands and Jim hears the rattling of him storing their equipment back up.

“That’s the thing.” Jim sighs. “They don’t normally let in first years.” He hates restrictions like that, even if they are apparently made with good intentions. good intentions felt like a leash. A leash that Jim wanted to pull at till it snapped. “They want me to meet with the club’s president beforehand.”

“I bet they’re a hard-ass.” Sulu sits back down next to Jim. Without his armor and sweats on, his arm is fully exposed in just his t-shirt. Jim’s eyes curiously wander to the inside of Sulu’s forearm. The words are in another language. Russian, maybe.

Jim doesn’t look long, before Sulu catches him staring. His opposite hand slaps over it and he instinctively turns his body away. Jim’s face burns hot as he turns his head away and squeezes his eyes shut.

He hadn’t meant to stare, but how was he supposed to know Sulu was so private about it? He knew some cultures hid their words, but no one ever bothered out in Iowa.

“Uh, I wouldn’t know –about the president, I mean.” Jim says, willing everything to go back to normal after that awkward bump. “I’ve never met them.”

He did know the co-president, though. Nyota was nice enough, though Jim could tell his tendency to treat her as an academic rival really ruffled her feathers.

“So, you basically gotta go talk to some upperclassman that you’ve never met and beg them to let you in their club?”

“I can be pretty convincing.” Jim puts his arms behind his head like a pillow.

“Uh huh.” Sulu gets up and goes to get his bag and jacket. “When is this meeting?”

“In a little while…like three o’clock.”

“Jim…it’s three o’clock right now.” Sulu puts on his jacket and swings his bag over his shoulder before going back to stand over him.

“Oh…shit.” Jim bolts upwards and runs to the locker room. He can hear Sulu laughing the whole time as Jim tugs his uniform on over his work-out clothes without bothering to shower. “See you later!” Jim calls to Sulu over his shoulder as he scoops up his bag and runs out of the gym.

It’s pouring rain outside, and Jim stands in the little alcove outside the doors and bounces from foot to foot. He glances to the thundering sky as if silently begging the rain to stop. He knows there’s no use. He doesn’t have an umbrella, so he’s just going to have to run.

He darts out. Within the first two steps, water somehow seeps into both boots, chilling his feet. His bangs plaster down and the wet weight of his uniform slows him down.

“Hey, Jimmy!” Jim looks up ahead to see Gaila. Jim cracks her a small smile of recognition that he isn’t even sure she sees from so far ahead. He likes being her friend, even if she’s not his soulmate. Orion’s didn’t really do monogamy. Still, he liked being close with her and her Nyota.

“You need it?” Gaila holds out a spare umbrella.

“Thanks a million!” He doesn’t slow down at all, just grabs it from her as he runs past.

“You can return it to Nyota at the xenolingustics club, if they let you in!” She calls after him before laughing. He hears her say something else, but he can’t understand it over the splashing of his feet.

He tries to open the umbrella as he runs, but it won’t budge. His thumb pushes at the tiny mechanism, but nothing happens. He wastes precious seconds by slowing to a halt to focus all his attention on the umbrella.

“Fuck…fuck it.” He rolls his eyes before breaking off into a run again. He sees the building up ahead, and turns widely to cut across the yard rather than take the path. His feet squash into the thick layer of mud beneath the grass.

He finally bursts into the lobby. He’s tracking mud and water everywhere, but doesn’t stop. He presses the lift button and bounces from foot to foot anxiously as he waits. With the water trickling down the inside of his uniform, he’s suddenly aware he has to pee.

“Come on!” He growls, just as the lift doors open and another student steps out. The student shouts something in Russian as Jim accidentally bumps him in his rush.  “Sorry!” When Jim finally catches a second to breath in the lift, he realizes what language it was the younger student had yelled in. “Could it be? Nah…” He chuckles and shakes his head.

The meeting is in the same classroom that the club meets in. The lift stops and Jim rushes to the room. Through the window, he can see Nyota sitting up on a desk talking to someone else.

“Jim! You’re so late!” She scowls at him as he swings the door open and steps in.

He opens his mouth to apologize, when he catches sight of the stranger in the room. They turn towards him, and he takes them in. It’s a professor, in the tight black regulation uniform. His eyes travel up to the pointed ears and shiny black hair.

His breath catches in his throat and his entire body flushes. A Vulcan. His Vulcan.

Jim steps forwards just a fraction of an inch and his boots skid on the puddle of water that’s already accumulated at his feet. Nyota gasps as Jim slides forward. His arms flail wildly. His grip loosens on Gaila’s umbrella. It flies out of his hands as he steadies himself.

Jim reaches out and catches the handle as the pointed end of the umbrella soars towards the professor. The professor’s eyes widen a just a fraction as the umbrella opens, spraying him with a shower of water.

“Shit! Sorry! Are you okay!?” Jim scrambled to close the umbrella.

“Sweet…Surak!” The professor squeezes his eyes shut and wipes at his face.

Jim feels as if all the water on his body freezes. His breath hitches in his throat again as the professor realizes what Jim also knows. His hands slowly pull from his face as if he’s in slow motion. His eyes widen fully now and his dark brown ones look onto Jim’s bright blue.

“Jim, you idiot!” Nyota seems relatively unfazed by the thick tension that’d seemed to suddenly fill the room like. She steps down from the desk and onto the floor before turning to the professor “Spock, are you okay?”

The Vulcan professor –Spock, takes a moment to respond. The while, his eyes never leave Jim’s. He nods once, slowly. “I am…adequate, Nyota.”

“Well, let’s hear it then.” She crosses her arms and turns to face Jim. “Why should Spock let you in the club?”

“Uh…” Jim’s face heats up as he realizes with every second that he’s not going to be able to salvage his first impression. He takes a deep breath to expunge all nervousness, and it doesn’t work. He’d had a whole speech planned to woo the club president, but in this moment he can’t remember any of it.

“Because…I’m good at languages.” He says, straightening his posture and tightening his grip on Gaila’s umbrella. “And I’m a fast learner.”

Spock’s face molds back into neutrality, and his gaze flicks up and down Jim’s form once more. Jim can’t help but feel like maybe he was just mentally undressed.

“Very well.” Spock nods once. “I will see you at the first meeting monday morning, six sharp.”

“Y-yes sir!” Jim nods once, unable to stop the smile spreading across his face. Spock doesn’t look his way again as he goes to the door. He steps precisely around the puddles on the floor and shuts the door curtly behind him.

As soon as he’s gone, Jim can breathe properly again. All his muscles go slack, before tensing again. Something was wrong. Shouldn’t Spock stay behind to ask for Jim’s number or something?

“What the heck was that?” Nyota sounds more than just a little exasperated. “I thought you had a whole speech planned! What happened to the Jim Kirk theatrics?”

Jim just wordlessly rolls up his sleeve and exposes his forearm to her. She gasps and claps both hands to her mouth. After a minute of giggling, it doesn’t stop. Her head goes back and she’s laughing like crazy.

He rolls his sleeve back down and walks towards the classroom door. He should feel elated. He’d just met his soulmate. Wasn’t like what he’d wanted since he was sixteen? So…why did it feel like nothing had even happened?

❖ ❖ ❖

Spock was a late-bloomer. He was fourteen when the words appeared on his pale skin. Though illogical, he couldn’t help but feel relieved. He had a soulmate. Now he would not have to remain bonded to T’Pring.

Vulcan’s rarely had soulmates, and Spock hardly needs another reason to feel different. But it isn’t alienating, the way his human eyes are. He sees it solely as a chance to get T’Pring out of his head.

_“Shit! Sorry! Are you okay!?”_

It’s in Standard, a second inspection informs him. He can make out an apology, and inquiring of his wellbeing, but he’s unable to decipher the interjection at the beginning.

“Mother…” Spock pads downstairs and into the dining room where his parents are sitting with their morning tea. He doesn’t need to check his arm again, as the words are already assigned to his memory. “What does _shit_ mean?”

“Spock!” Amanda Grayson almost chokes on her tea. Spock just quirks an eyebrow at her emotional outburst. “Where did you hear that word?!”

So, it is considered an impolite word. It’s hardly the first rude word he’s ever read, or even been called. This makes his mother’s outburst all the more illogical. He pushes up his robe sleeve and turns his arm for both his parents to see. “It is what my soulmate will say to me.”

“Some soulmate, using a word like that!” Amanda reaches out and gently touches his arm. Despite her judging tone, he can feel her elation through their contact.

“Father, does this mean I can break the bond with T’Pring?”

Sarek takes a long sip of tea before replying. “That may not be wise, son. You will need T’Pring in case you have not met your soulmate by the time Pon Farr takes its toll.”

Spock suppresses the urge to groan in exasperation. He knows his father in only speaking from experience. Sarek hadn’t met Amanda until after his fist Time. That Time had resulting in him needing to consummate his bond with his now ex-mate. Only after another decade did Sarek’s ambassadorial work take him to Earth, and to Amanda.

“I will not need her.” Spock tried to assure his father. “I will travel to Earth as soon as I graduate school, and I will meet my soulmate.”

The fact that the words were in Standard meant they had to be human. In that moment, he knows he must go to them via Starfleet. He’d been torn between applying to Starfleet’s academy in favor of his father’s first choice of the Vulcan Science Academy. Now that he knows of his soulmate, he knows the choice is clear.

For the first time, he uses the concept of imaging to picture his soulmate. T’Pring is the female he’s spent the most time around, so he imagines her with rounded ears and a downward arch to her eyebrows. The resulting image is hardly any better than the real T’Pring.

So, he changes things. In the following weeks, he pours over texts on humans, committing many of their physical and social quirks to memory. Amanda is a little more than pleased that he’s taking up an interest in what is essentially half of his heritage.

This time, when he pictures his soulmate, she has the blonde hair and blue eyes that are recessive to humans. He finds the image very pleasing.

His schooling goes by fast, as all of his studying is spent with one goal in mind. Starfleet has the position of Science Officer among their ships, and Spock makes that his goal and doesn’t look back.

“Are you sure, Spock?” Amanda hardly needs to crouch to look him in the eyes anymore. At eighteen, he’s taller than her now.

“Of course. I have a soulmate. It is only logical that I break my bond with T’Pring.” He turns to go into the chamber. T’Pring and T’Pau are waiting for him. T’Pring looks just as relieved when their bond is undone.

When he exits, he goes for where Amanda is waiting for him. Out of his peripheral vision, he sees Stonn waiting for T’Pring.

He briefly wonders whether they will bond now, but he finds he does not care either way. Let Stonn have her. In the back of his mind he knows they’re both so cruel, that they deserved one another.

❖ ❖ ❖

Earth is absolutely freezing, Spock notes as he steps off the shuttle. Freshly twenty-three, Spock fits no were near the human cadets of his age. They bunch together, shoulder to shoulder as they all share a padd or a drink.

He hangs to the side of campus, hands shoved deep in his coat pockets as he watches them. His eyes roam over a group of females. One has the blonde hair he’s imagined. She looks at him with vague interest until her eyes flick over his ears. She scowls and whispers something to her friend, who apparently finds it very amusing.

He loses himself in his studies after that. He rises through the advance track and straight into interning under a professor who’s going to be retiring next year. He still occasionally lets his eyes scan the lecture halls, settling on blonde females.

When he loses his footing and trips into one, it’s his first day holding his own classroom. The black uniform is much less jarring than the red, but he still feels like an outsider. He’s carrying a box of the last of the contents for his office, when he walks right into her. The contents of the box jostle as he steps back, quickly relaying an apology.

“Watch it, Pointy!” She growls, and with a second look, he realizes it’s the same girl that’d sneered at him on his first day. She’s still a cadet, and now he’s a professor. He’s very much above immaturity, but it’s still somewhat satisfying to give her detention.

His reputation as intelligent gives him many opportunities for deployment. He declines all of them and settles instead on the opportunities for reprogramming many of the training simulations instead. His mentor, Captain Pike, thinks Spock is waiting to be assigned to the Enterprise. Spock assures him that he feels his intelligence is best suited for teaching at the moment. In reality, he is waiting for her.

The spring semester is such a relief, as it always is. The snow melts, and Spock can walk across campus without shivering to his bones. His pale skin begs for the sunlight he was used to on Vulcan, but that the winter months of being shut in his apartment never allowed. He spends afternoons by the ornate fountain, grading papers until the sun sets. He finds his health does improve after a while.

One particular afternoon, he catches a female cadet watching him. With dark skin and dark hair, she isn’t at all what he pictured. But he doesn’t even pretend not to stare back. He finds his emotions compromised in the small way of his heart slamming in his side as she approaches.

She greets him in beautiful, flawless Vulcan, her hand in the tradition salute. His face is unmoving as his heart sinks. She isn’t his, and he isn’t hers. He greets her back and complements her pronunciation.

“Don’t you ever get wet when you sit here?” She asks, sitting with him on the ornate ledge of the fountain.

“Occasionally.” He nods, and he notices the way her face falls. After a lifetime on Vulcan, human faces seem so easy, even if he doesn’t always know what they mean.

“Sorry…” She trails her hand down her ponytail. “It’s just…when I saw you, I saw a chance to practice my Vulcan. I also sort of thought…maybe…”

“I admit I also briefly suspected.” He says to ease her discomfort. In reality, he supposed he knew from the start that she wouldn’t be his. She was much too graceful to be his soulmate.

“What do yours say?” She asks.

“Soulmates on Vulcan are rare. Those of us who have one do not disclose our words outside of our immediate family.” Truthfully, his father is the only other Vulcan he’s known with a soulmate, and it’s only by his example that he keeps his words to himself as private.

“Sorry!” She blushes. “Well, anyways, mine are in standard…so I should have known.”

“As are mine.” He nods. Despite it counting as disclosure, he finds he doesn’t mind sharing just that bit.

“Is that why you came to Earth?”

“One of many reasons.”

“Well, anyways, maybe you’d be interested in starting a club with me.” Her mood immediately perks up again as she launches into the details. “See, a lot of my friends wanna learn Vulcan too, but I’m not so good at teaching with discipline…”

Starting the xenolinguistics club with Nyota finds itself not to be so hard. He counts as the teacher sponsor as well as the co-president. The board says the club will be open to members the following fall semester.

He is grateful he and Nyota have so much in common, that it’s not even a discussion to exclude first-years. Starfleet has such a high drop-out rate after the first year and it would just clog the club with cadets who are more interested in socializing than learning.

That is why it strikes him as very strange when Nyota stops by his office after the summer break, just days after classes starts and before the first meeting of the club commences, and asks him if it would be alright if they let in a first-year.

“He’s really nice.” She says, a slight begging inflection in her voice.

“It does not matter whether he is nice or not.” Spock says dismissively, turning on his computer to start his lesson plans. He finds the human concept of luck helped him evade being Nyota’s teacher by one year. He knows his concentration would waver even if just slightly if he were constantly in her presence.

“Good, because I lied. He’s not all that nice…very infuriating, really. But he’s really smart. He’s on advanced track, like you were, so you can tell he’s serious.”

“For what reason do you want a first-year in the organization?” He asks, fingers flying over the keys. Normally, he wouldn’t listen to human reasoning, as it is usually all emotion, but Nyota is the most reasonable human he knows.

“He’s my friend…” She says lamely, and he throws all preconceived notions about her reasonability out the window. “Well, just talk to him.” She begs. “We can have a meeting and see if he can convince you. He really wants to be in the club…please?”

“…Very well.” He suppresses a sigh. “Next Thursday, before my evening classes, I will have a moment. I will meet with…”

“Cadet Kirk.” She supplies with the name, smiling widely. “Thank you, Spock.”

❖ ❖ ❖

It’s all so fast, and somehow also in slow motion when Cadet Kirk bursts into the classroom. Spock looks him over and only has time to asses two things –blonde hair and blue eyes, before Spock hears those words.

_“Shit! Sorry! Are you okay!?”_

Spock freezes, going to look into the most startling eyes. A male? He’d never considered that possibility, though he realizes now that he should have all along. With his uniform slick to his skin with rain, Spock can clearly see the muscles in his arms. His smile is bright, and almost intoxicatingly so.

Somewhere nearby, Nyota is speaking. Immediately, Kirk rights his posture and babbles out his reasoning. Spock cannot properly hear. It is as if his ears are clogged with sand. Kirk’s voice is nice and deep anyways, and his smile only grows.

“Very well.” Spock nods, loving when Kirk’s smile reaches optimum velocity. He suddenly decides that it would be nice to see that smile always. The idea of a soulmate that freely expresses their emotions is…oddly exciting, when compared to a childhood of being forced close to someone like T’Pring. “I will see you at the first meeting monday morning, six sharp.”

Spock cannot stare any longer. He’s vaguely aware that maybe he should say something, affirm what they both know, but he finds his body is moving of its own accord. The heat flushing his face and up to his ears is hotter than he’s felt since leaving Vulcan. He steps around the puddles on the floor and practically leaps out into the hallway.

His heart doesn’t still even after he is in his apartment. He quickly strips of his uniform and throws on his robe. He slows down to carefully light his incense and settle at his meditation. Two minutes into, and he can tell its fruitless.

He cannot reach the peaceful state. His thoughts are broken up by flashes of Kirk’s smile. The dazzling of his eyes. Spock actually sighs as he gives in, going to his computer to pull up the academy database and type in Kirk’s name.

Kirk is a recent resident of the city, from Iowa. The son of a Starfleet engineer, as well as of Starfleet’s legendary Captain. George Kirk was a close friend of Captain Pike, and Spock briefly considers reaching out to his mentor about the situation before deciding against it.

He considers telling Nyota. After all, Kirk is her friend. And since he is all well, perhaps she could be an efficient confidant. He goes to compose a message, but for the first time, finds himself unable to form words. As his fingers hover above the keys, his inbox signals the tone for a new message. He expects Nyota, or a colleague, and blinks in surprise when he sees it is from Kirk.

>>Hey, it’s Jim Kirk. You know, your ~soulmate~

Spock raises an eyebrow before typing a very logical response.

||For what purpose do the tildes serve?

>>Dramatic flair?

||Are you informing me, or asking me?

>>Informing?

|| I see.

Spock finds each response easier to deliver than the last. It is as if the words come to him by an outside source. He also finds Kirk’s responses highly illogical, though he practically craves each new one.

>>Anyways, I was just wondering if I should bring anything to the club meeting? Besides my sexy self? ;)

|| What is ;) ?

>>It’s a winking face. Turn your head sideways.

As fooling as it seems, even in privacy, Spock does so. He finds it does vaguely resemble a winking face.

||Additional preparations are unnecessary. Bringing just your “sexy self” will suffice.

 >> holy shit!!!!

|| You are quite fond of that word. I’ve had it on my arm for many years.

>>Yeah, sorry about that.

||Apologies are unnecessary. I will see you Monday morning, Cadet. It will do you well to remember to remain academically professional.

>>I’ll try, but no promises!

Spock logs off and settles into meditation once more. He finds he is greatly looking forward to Monday’s meeting.

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the positive feedback on chapter one! I hope you guys like chapter two just as much! Kudos and comments are always welcome!

“You’ll never guess what just happened to me!” Jim throws open the door to their room and tosses his bag onto his bed.

“You fell down?” McCoy offers after sparing a glance up at Jim before returning to his coursework.

“No. Well, yeah, but that’s not what I’m talking about.” Jim rolled his eyes. He starts pulling off his mud-stained uniform. He’d taken a nasty spill on the run back from the meeting, resulting in a tear on one of the knees of his pants. He blamed a certain sexy Vulcan for suddenly intruding his thoughts. “I met the one!”

“The one what?” McCoy tried to remain stoic, but Jim could see the small switch of a smile behind his lips.

“Don’t be an idiot.” Jim was down to his boxers and started digging for clean clothes by the foot of his bed. “My soulmate. He was the one Nyota wanted me to meet with.”

“He?” McCoy actually shut his textbook, and looked up in full interest. “What’s he like?”

“Sexy…a teacher, actually, and a Vulcan.” Jim tried to sound nonchalant as he stuck his head under the bed to pull a t-shirt out from underneath.

“It’s Spock!?”

“Yeah! You know him?” Jim tugged the shirt on and didn’t bother with pants before leaping onto his bed and reaching for his bag.

“Know him?” McCoy scoffed. “He comes in to watch students on the simulations. Practically every cadet in medic is scared shitless of him.”

“He’s not that bad.” Truthfully, Jim could see why people would be afraid. The stoicism and intense gaze gave him chills when he recalled it. “Anyways, he let me in the club.”

“Nepotism?” McCoy asked with a smirk before reaching for his textbook once more.

“Maybe.” Jim didn’t care either way.

He started on his readings for class tomorrow but found he couldn’t concentrate. His thoughts kept wandering back to his soulmate. Spock had left their meeting in such a hurry, that Jim didn’t even get to say anything about it. He finally just reached for his padd and looked up Spock’s email in the school database.

“For God’s sake, are you gonna go to sleep, or what?!” McCoy growled from his side of the room.

Jim had been emailing Spock for a while, before the professor insisted he retire to meditate, as he had many classes the following day. Jim reluctantly agreed, even though he himself only had afternoon classes on Fridays.

Instead of going to bed, Jim stayed up researching everything he could find online about Vulcans. There wasn’t much, since they were very private, but he didn’t want to sleep until he heard back from Nyota. He’d emailed her asking if she would maybe consider sending him Spock’s schedule so Jim could drop by unexpectedly during office hours.

“In a minute…” Jim stifled a yawn. He wasn’t used to sharing a room with someone so grumpy, or anyone at all, really. He pulled the blanket over his head so the light from his device wouldn’t bother McCoy anymore.

When he woke up the next morning, it was to the rustling of McCoy getting ready for class. Jim pulled the covers down and watched through bleary eyes as McCoy combed his hair in front of a tiny mirror on the wall.

“What time is it?” Jim asked, his voice hoarse.

“Almost six. What time did you fall asleep last night?” He met Jim’s eyes in the mirror.

“Ah…Like two-ish.” He lied. It was more like four-ish when he finally closed out the pages of reading he’d pulled up for school work. He’d gotten the urge at about midnight to actually start the homework for his classes today.

“Well, you look like shit.”

“Thanks, Bones.” Jim pulled the covers back up to his chin.

“Why do call me that?” McCoy chuckled and shook his head.

“Cuz it’s a funny nickname.” Jim smiled and closed his eyes.

“Go back to sleep, you baby. You don’t have class till like noon.”

“I will…” Jim heard McCoy grab his bag and leave their room, gently shutting the door behind him.

He did try to fall back asleep, but found that despite his tired muscles, his mind was too awake. He got up and started the coffee machine that McCoy had plugged in on his dresser.

While waiting on the coffee, he reached for his padd and his heart leapt to his throat when he saw he had an email from Spock.

|| Good morning. I have something I wish to discuss with you. When can we meet to discuss this matter?

Jim stuck out his tongue at the alienating formal tone. Hopefully this matter Spock was talking about wasn’t anything too serious. He was about to reply when he saw he had another email from Nyota. He opened it and saw it was it was Spock’s schedule, like Jim had asked for. Attached was one short line that he could practically hear in her voice.

|| Please don’t use this info to be obnoxious and bother him during his classes.

>> When would I ever????

He typed back with a laugh before reading over the schedule. So, Spock would be in class until noon. Jim sighed and realized they probably wouldn’t be able to see each other until the end of Jim’s last class, which was about twelve hours from now. That wouldn’t do.

Jim got out of bed and scrambled for a clean uniform. He put it on also trying to find his hair brush. He hadn’t been living here long, and he’d somehow already lost half his stuff. He gave up and just smoothed out his hair as best as he could before reaching for his coffee and sucking it down. He winced as his tongue was scalded, but paid it no mind.

One last glance in the mirror made him realize how McCoy was right. He really did look like shit. His eyes were framed by dark circles. He couldn’t see Spock looking like that. He fished around the dresser before finding a pair of sunglasses. They would have to do.

There was a thin layer of dew on all the grass, soaking the cuffs of his pants as he made his way across campus. It was relatively deserted out, with only the occasional student walking to the day’s first classes. Jim passed by the dining hall on his way to Spock’s classroom and the inviting smell of food reminded him he’d skipped dinner last night.

Figuring he had time before he could see Spock anyways, he ducked inside and ordered real bacon and eggs.  The dining hall was more crowded than he expected, and it took him a moment to find a table. He spotted Sulu sitting with a younger student. They were sitting practically in each other’s laps, despite the fact that the table was empty aside from the two of them.

“Hey, can I sit?” Jim didn’t wait for an answer before dropping his tray down.

“Hey, you’re the one who almost ran me over yesterday!” The younger student said in a thick Russian accent. Jim had almost forgotten about that, but a closer inspection made him realize he did recognize those curls.

“Oh, yeah.” Jim offered a smile. “Sorry about that…I was late for this thing.”

“The nerd club meeting?” Sulu chuckled before reaching for the toast on his plate.

“Nerd club?” The younger student furrowed his brow.

“The xenolinguistics club.” Jim corrected, shooting Sulu a glare that he wasn’t sure the other could see through his sunglasses.

“Ah, zat is the one Mr. Spock is in! He is very brilliant.” The younger student’s eyes practically sparkled.

“Yeah!” Jim nodded. “You in it too?”

“Oh no!” he chuckled, turning bright red. “I can barely speak Standard. You would not want to hear me butcher another language.”

“Well, I _love_ your accent, Pavel.” Sulu whispered by the younger student’s ear. “It’s adorable.” The younger student –Pavel, giggled and leaned further into Sulu’s lap.

Jim suppressed an inward groan and secretly hoped this wasn’t going to be how it was from now on. He liked Sulu well enough, he was always cool at fencing training, but Jim didn’t think he could handle all of this.

“Well, uh, you’ll never guess what happened to me yesterday.” Jim lowered his voice and leaned in closer, despite the fact that no one else was close enough to overhear. “I met my soulmate. It’s Spock!”

“I knew it!” Sulu laughed. “I saw your words…I knew it was a Vulcan. For a sec, I didn’t think it could be _him,_ but he’s the only Vulcan in the school.”

“Hey! You looked at my words, even though you freaked out when I looked at yours?”

“Well, it’s not like you go through lengths to hide yours.” Sulu actually blushed. “Plus, yours don’t say anything dirty…”

“Dirty!?” Jim practically burst into laughter, his eyes going over to Pavel. He tried to image someone so precocious looking saying anything dirty, and found the mental image almost impossible to conjure.

“For the last time, it’s not dirty! You have been translating it wrong.” Pavel hissed, his face even redder than Sulu’s. “Yesterday, I said I liked your _backpack,_ not your –“

“Hold on.” Jim peered at them from over the top of his glasses. “You two just met…yesterday? But you’re already so close.”

“Da…er, yes.” Pavel nodded. “That is the point, no? Your soulmate is forever, so there is no need to take things slowly. In fact, once I am eighteen, I’m sure Hikaru and I will get married.”

“That’s cool. I’m happy for you.” Jim mumbled, focusing instead on his breakfast.

“Well, we gotta get to class. Come on, Pav.” Sulu sighed and the two of them detangled from one another and made their way out of the dining hall.

Jim tried to focus on his food, but he kept thinking about Spock. Did Spock want what Hikaru and Pavel had? Maybe that’s what he wanted to talk to him about. Jim thought about what that would mean. Did he want to get married right away, the way they did?

Memories of the last few years in Riverside filled his head. Waking up alone. Eating alone. Talking to no one, and finally falling asleep alone. The idea of someone with him...his soulmate, it was comforting. He thought of long nights spent not sleeping, just talking. And cooking together…well, Spock better be a good cook, because Jim could barely make toast.

Grinning to himself at the thought, Jim decided that if Spock wanted that, it wouldn’t be so bad. After eating, he grabbed a muffin from the replicator and put it in a paper to-go bag before heading to Spock’s classroom.

The class ended just as Jim made it to the room. Waiting outside, he found he could hear Spock’s voice from in the room instructing everyone on their homework. Jim couldn’t help but think of how authoritative and sexy he sounded.

Students began filing out, and Jim actually held his breath in waiting. When Spock walked out, he looked just as he had yesterday, amazing in his uniform.

“Hey!” Jim fell into step beside him and gently bumped his shoulder with his own.

“Cadet Kirk, I did not expect to see you here.” Spock said calmly, looking only the slightest bit frazzled. “Do you have a class in this building?”

“Nah…” he replied with a yawn. “I don’t have class for a couple of hours. I just wanted to see you.” He glanced at Spock and was pleased with what could be described at Spock’s own pleased look at this. “Muffin?” Jim held up the bag.

For a second, Jim thought Spock was going to refuse. “Thank you.” When Spock took the bag from Jim, there was a split second where their fingers brushed together. It felt like a static shock zapped Jim in the pinky. He gasped and yanked his hand back. Spock’s eyes were wide and there was a faint verdant blush on his face.

“Been walking on carpets?” Jim chuckled and reached over with his other hand to rub at the spot. “The air’s a little too damp for static, though.”

“Indeed.” Spock sped his pace up just slightly. “It is most peculiar.”

Even though they walked in relative silence, Jim couldn’t help but be hyperaware of all of Spock’s movements next to him. He knew from the schedule Nyota had sent him, that Spock’s next class was in a building on the other side of campus. When they opened the doors to go out, Jim groaned when he saw how grey the sky was. Gaila’s umbrella was somewhere under his bed right now.

“Cadet Kirk, why are you wearing sunglasses in such weather?” Spock asked as he opened the bag and carefully broke off a piece of the muffin.

“I…didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” He yawned as if on cue.

“Perhaps you could visit the infirmary, if you are feeling unwell.” Spock offered.

“No way, man.” Jim chuckled. “My roommate will be there, and I know he’ll get onto me for not sleeping or whatever.” Spock actually turned his head completely towards Jim to give him a look that made Jim chuckle. “Please don’t lecture me about responsibility…” It came out like a weak plea.

“Very well.” Spock was silent for another moment. “Did you receive my correspondence about meeting with me for a discussion?”

“Yeah. What’s that about anyways?” Jim’s heart beat sped up when he remembered what Pavel had said about getting married.

“I believe we should wait to discuss this matter in private.” Spock’s voice betrayed nothing.

“Oh…kay.” Jim swallowed. “I’m uh, free tonight? You wanna get together?”

“Very well. I will send you my address, and we can –“ Spock froze as his eyes locked onto something up ahead. His posture immediately became impossible straighter. Confused, Jim looked ahead and saw what, or _who_ it was.

“Hey!” Jim grinned and shouted at Pike. “Lovely whether, right? I thought I moved out here because you convinced me it was supposed to be sunny!”

“Don’t whine.” Pike tried to sound firm as he approached the pair, but he soon broke into a grin. “I’m actually surprised to see you up so early. Hopefully you’re not being too hard on him, Spock? After all, it’s still so early in the semester.”

“Of course not, Captain.” Spock said quickly, resisting the impulse to salute.

“Relax.” Jim whispered, unable to keep back a small smile. “He’s kidding. I’m used a _way_ more…friendlier version of Pike than you probably are.”

“Of course…” Spock said again. He let out a small breath of air and his shoulders slumped a fraction. Perhaps this was his way of relaxing. “What brings you this way, Captain?”

“I got a meeting with Admiral Barrett. There’s a couple of things we have to discuss…” He was attempting to sound nonchalant, but Jim could tell there was something more.

“Is this about the Enterprise?!” Jim asked, his voice full of more excitement than he previously thought he could muster at this early in the morning. He couldn’t help it. Ever since he first saw her in the shipyard, he was in love.

“It’s _about_ none of your business.” Pike chided, though he gave Jim a smile. “You just focus on your work, and graduating.”

“Of course, _Captain.”_ Jim sarcastically attempting to channel as much of Spock as possible, complete with salute.

Pike actually rolled his eyes. “God, you really are your father’s son. And why in God’s name are you wearing sunglasses when it’s about to storm? Hangover already?”

“No! My soulmate likes them.” Jim nudged Spock’s shoulder with his own once more.

Expecting either a calm and Vulcan response, he was in no way prepared for the way Spock’s eyes widened and immediately looked to Pike in what was unmasked fear. Jim looked over too and saw Pike looking between the two of them like they’d just sprouted wings.

“Oh… _my god!”_ His face was red in what Jim momentarily mistook as anger, until he smiled. “Really!?”

Jim didn’t respond. He just looked back towards Spock, worried about his momentarily lapse of his emotional suppression. His face was back to its normal neutrality, save for a persistent verdant blush that didn’t seem to be going anywhere as long Jim was around.

“Y-yes, Captain.” Spock gave a stern nod. “It is true. Cadet Kirk and I are…soulmates.”

Pike looked between the two of them once more, now with a slight bit of skepticism in his face, as if he expected the two of them to suddenly reveal it was just a joke. After a second, he just laughed.

“Gotta say, I never would’ve expected this. Still, I guess it does sorta make sense…in a strange way.” He chuckled. Jim figured it was a good sign that Pike thought so, considering that he knew each of them better than they knew each other, at the moment. “Now uh,” He voice was serious again. “You’re aware that –“

“Yes.” Spock said quickly. “I am aware, Captain. I will make sure everything is taken care of.”

“…Good.” Pike seemed to accept that answer. “Well, I don’t wanna keep Barnett waiting. You kids stay out of trouble.” He gave the sky a nervous glance as if to asses if an umbrella was need or not, before heading into a nearby building.

“Hey, what was that about?” Jim absentmindedly took off his sunglasses and hung them from the collar of his uniform. “What are we supposed to be aware of?”

“It is of no importance at this moment.” Spock began walking towards his destination once more, and Jim jogged to catch up. “As I was saying before, I will email you my address and we can meet to have a discussion.” He curtly walked up the stone steps in front of the building. “Good day, Cadet.”

❖ ❖ ❖

Jim took a nap in the library until it was time for his afternoon classes. He would have gone back to his dorm, but he knew McCoy would chew him out if he caught him.

In his first two classes, he listened intently to the teachers going over the same reading he’d done last night. Most of the points the teachers touched on were ones he’d already inferred from reading. Something about doing his homework at four in the morning made his tired brain transcend reality to the point where the notes he took were pretty comparable to a professor’s, when intelligible.

In his last class, it took about five minutes before Jim stopped paying attention and let his mind wander. He wonders what Pike was really discussing with the Admiral, and if it had anything to do with the Enterprise at all. He also wondered just how well Pike actually knew Spock. Either way, Spock seemed to hold him in quite high regards. Jim yawned and was just about to consider falling back asleep when he saw an alert for a new message on his padd.

|| Cadet, please meet me at this address tonight at seven.

Jim recognized the address as being an apartment complex not far from campus. He typed back his own message.

>> You got it. :P

|| What is :P ?

>> It’s a face with its tongue sticking out. Tilt your head.

Spock didn’t respond for the rest of class, but Jim maintained a small smile at the thought of Spock looking at his padd and tilting his head sideways. Hopefully he wouldn’t think to look up emoticons and rob Jim of the satisfaction of confusing him with them again.

❖ ❖ ❖

Spock simply took Jim’s word for it, that that’s what the message was supposed to represent. He slipped his padd into his briefcase and began walking towards the exit of the. Soon, it would be winter again. Spock was incapable of the emotion of hatred, but he greatly disliked the cold.

He paused by the doors and carefully wrapped his scarf around his face, and pulled up the hood of his coat to protect his ears. It was only September, but it felt freezing to him.

He had to try and prepare himself for what was to come. Jim may be coming over, but that was simply to discuss an important matter. Last night after preparing his lesson plans, Spock had consulted the academy’s handbook on its policies about student and teacher romantic relationships. Just as he’d suspected –they were forbidden.

Of course, there were some exceptions, and soulmates were included. However, the exception could only be made after both parties met in front of an academic council and the council reviewed their case. It was widely considered unconstitutional to keep soulmates apart, but the academy did have a right to make sure no one was being taken advantage of in a relationship where one ranked higher than the other.

Since reading that, Spock had done two things. One, he sent a formal request for meeting with the council. Second, he purged all thoughts of Jim from his mind. Until it was safe to do so, he would not think of Jim in a romantic or sexual way.  

It was relatively easy, and he thought he’d thought he’d done it in one meditative session before bed. He’d made it through his entire first lesson without thinking of Jim’s eyes or his smile. That was, until Jim showed up outside his classroom.

Jim had looked slightly disheveled, with sunglasses mostly masking the dark circles under his eyes, and slight stubble on his face. Spock found this oddly endearing. It was almost impossible to suppress all romantic thoughts when Jim was offering him a muffin.

After noon, he’d spent his free periods in his office. After grading the quizzes he’d passed out, he spent the rest of the time mentally preparing for tonight. He had to break the news to Jim that they could not be involved until the hearing. It was already unfortunate that Jim had told Pike. Even if Pike was what Spock could consider a friend, his first loyalty was to the federation, meaning he could potentially get the wrong idea that they were already romantically involved and tell someone higher up.

Yes, it was best if Spock made sure Jim didn’t tell anyone else until it was all approved. Hopefully Jim didn’t take it badly. Spock didn’t think that he would. Hopefully he’d see the logic in it all.

The walk home wasn’t far, but it was just far enough that he was starting to shiver just slightly by the time he unlocked the door and stepped inside. According to the time, if he was punctual, Jim would be here in about an hour.

Spock decided to make some tea before Jim arrived. It would warm his insides back up and keep him calm, not that he was uneasy. Vulcans didn’t get worked up over these things.

He stood at the counter and sipped his tea. The Vulcan spices and honey combined to calm his mind in a way Earth tea rarely did. He was just savoring the last of it when there was a knock at the door. He put down the cup and went to answer it.

“You are early.” Spock’s eyes moved up and down Jim’s body, taking in the fact that he wasn’t in uniform. Instead, he was wearing jeans and a sweater. For a moment, Spock was surprised he was not cold, until he recalled that humans were more used to Earth’s weather. Still, he found himself feeling out of place still in his uniform.

“Is this a bad time? I can come back in a little while.” Jim leaned against the doorframe.

“Not at all.” Spock stepped aside. “Come in, Cadet.”

 “You don’t have to call me that off campus. You can just call me Jim.” Jim stepped inside and instantly went up to tug at his collar. “Holy shit, it’s hot in here…”

“Would you like me to adjust the temperature?” Spock asked. He was used to keeping it extra warm for his Vulcan biology.

“Nah, it’s fine.” Jim reached over his head and began tugging off his sweater. Spock could not help but stare at the exposed bit of his stomach as the t-shirt underneath momentarily rose up. Some help all that meditation had been.  “So, what’s this important thing we need to talk about?” Jim wadded up the sweater and tossed it onto the couch.

“Just a moment, I will make you some tea.” Spock was not used to having guests, but luckily his mother had taught him the proper etiquette when it came to that. “Please, make yourself…at home.”

“Okay.” Jim took off his shoes and sat on the floor in front of the coffee table as Spock went into the small kitchenette. “It smells good in here.”

“It is the incenses I light for meditation.” Spock took down a second cup from the cupboard and tried to ignore the fluttering feeling in his stomach and the beating of his heart in his side. Spock was not used to the way another person’s presence could evoke emotions in him. He was momentarily reminded of the small shock he’d felt that morning when they’d touched hands. He was still unsure what that was.

 “What do you do when you meditate? Sit there and think?” Jim looked over, watching Spock in the kitchen.

“The goal is to clear your mind.” Spock placed the tea and a small jar of honey on a tray and carried it into the living room before placing it on the coffee table.

“I don’t get how you’re supposed to just think about nothing…” Jim picked up his cup and blew on it.

“It comes with practice.” Spock sat opposite him and picked up a spoon to add honey to his tea. “It also helps strengthen my shields against unwanted telepathic signals.”

“Oh yeah…” Jim nodded adding honey to his own tea with a curious look at the substance. “I guess you wouldn’t want to read other people’s minds when you accidentally bump into them.”

“I cannot read their thoughts, but their emotions. And yes, it is rather inconvenient when that happens.” Spock’s breath hitched in his throat as he watched Jim lick the honey from the back of his spoon. His mind immediately raced to construct a scene in which Jim would do the same thing to Spock’s _skin._ He just as quickly chased the thought away, but not before the faint affects showed in the slight blush on his cheeks.

“Alright. What is it?” Jim spoon rattled as he quickly slapped it onto the table. He fixated Spock with an intense look. “What did you want to talk about? It must be serious…I can see it on your face.”

Spock closed his eyes and put his hands in his lap. He took a long breath as one last moment for his thoughts. “I am afraid there is a situation. Who, other than Captain Pike, have you told of our…relationship?”

“Well, I told Nyota…” Jim chuckled at the memory of the way she’d laughed. “And my roommate, and a couple of my other friends…Why?”

“You must _not_ tell anyone else.” Spock tried to channel the authority in his voice that he also used while teaching. “According to the rules, we are not allowed to pursue an involvement, due to our ranks.”

“What!” Jim raised his voice. “They can’t do that! That’s against the law, right?”

“Unfortunately, it is not. They have a right to employ this restriction, if they see the power imbalance as a significant potential issue.”

“But you’re not even my teacher this semester!” Jim cut his eyes down staring darkly into his cup.

“I…am aware.” It was harder than usual for Spock to well emotions down. “But the fact of the matter remains. The school board does have a way around this, however.”

“What?” His eyes snapped up again, the intense blue burning into Spock’s.

“A meeting with them to state our case.” He said calmly. “I sent in a formal request for a hearing, and they scheduled us for their next available slot – in December.”

“December?! That’s like…forever away!” Jim raised his voice again.

“It is not _forever_.” Spock knew such a statement was illogical, but he could see how Jim believed it to be that far away. It did feel that way when all the days were counted. “It is what they gave us. The twelfth of December.”

Jim didn’t say anything for a while. He just leaned on the table with his elbow and picked up his spoon, stirring his tea until there was a tiny whirlpool. Spock didn’t say anything either, silently sipping his own drink. He understood the need for Jim to have time to process it all. He’d been a state of processing as well, since learning of it all.

“… _This_ isn’t against the rules, is it?” Jim asked, suddenly breaking the silence. “Us hanging out together, I mean.”

“I do not see why it would be. After all, I frequently spent the afternoons with Nyota last semester.”

“Ha, okay, so we’re already learning to cheat the system…” Jim laughed. “Oh, and don’t worry. I’ll talk to my friends and tell them not to tell anyone else.”

“That would be most helpful.” Spock nodded.

Jim drank his tea, even though it was mostly cold at this point. His eyes roamed over the shelves, focusing on a few books on the shelves whose titles were in Vulcan. He smiled when he noticed a chess board on one of the shelves.

“You wanna play some chess? I’m pretty good.” He smirked.

“That sounds most acceptable.” Spock put their empty cups on the trey and began clearing it away. “But I must warn you. I am very skilled.”

 “I think I can handle it.” Jim laughed.

Spock returned with the board and set it up on the table. There was no argument over who would take which color, and they quickly launched into their respective strategies.

Spock found Jim’s playing to be highly illogical. Spock watched the board and tried to calculate how likely it was that Jim would make a certain move, only for Jim to make an entirely different move than Spock ever considered. Jim was a worthy opponent. When it looked as if Jim was actually going to _beat_ him, Spock made the choice to engage him in conversation in an attempt to lower his concentration.

“You inquired Captain Pike about the Enterprise this morning.” Spock said before moving a piece.

“Yeah.” He smiled sheepishly. “I saw it just when it construction started, and…I dunno…I feel like it’s destiny. Does that make sense?”

“You believe it is your destiny to Captain the Enterprise?” Spock raised an eyebrow.

“Sort of…yeah. I think that’s what he…er, my _dad_ would have wanted for me.” Jim’s eyes were on the board, but he wasn’t really watching the game. Something else was in his gaze, as if he were looking somewhere far of.

“Captain Pike was a good friend of your father’s.” Spock said softly, no longer watching the board either.

“Yeah…he says I’m such a wise cracker, that that’s a good sign of diplomatic skills.” Jim laughed softly. His laughter grew when he recalled a specific instance of Pike saying those words.

“I suppose…in a way.” Spock truthfully thought such a thing was dangerous, especially around new civilizations, but he did not voice this.

“What about you? Did your parents want you to come to Earth?” Jim glanced down at the board long enough to move a piece, but Spock didn’t think he actually paid much attention to what he was doing.

“My father initially wanted me to apply to the Vulcan Science Academy. I had interests in Starfleet, but I let my father’s opinion influence me. Not until I was a teenager did I find out that I had a soulmate…a _human_ soulmate. That is when I decided to pursue my interests in Starfleet.”

Spock found he did not want to return his attention to the board, despite it being his turn. Jim was looking at him with what could only be described as fascination, and Spock was suddenly aware of his heartbeat once more. “Despite my decision being rooted entirely in logic, my father had some difficulty accepting it. However, my mother fully supported it.”

“What made your mom so willingly to let you go to another planet just for a job?”

“She is human. Earth is her home planet.”

“Oh!” His eyes went wide, their crystalline color captivating Spock once more.

“In addition, I did not leave Vulcan and come to Earth _just_ for employment.” There was a small twitch of his lips that may have been a smile. “I also came…to find you.”

This time the blushing was mutual, and there was no mistaking the look on Spock’s face. It could be described more as pure contentment than a smile, but the happiness was there all the same. He was vaguely aware that he was straying just over the boundary that he’d previously set, but he was finding it hard to care.

“Am I how you thought I’d be?” Jim asked, his gorgeous smile growing.

“Not entirely. I suppose, in a way, you resemble what I had been anticipating.” Spock saw no reason not to be truthful. “However, I expected you to be a woman.”

“Really? So, you weren’t expecting a guy at all?” Jim’s eyes went back down to the board, even though it wasn’t his turn.

“You were not also expecting a woman?”

“No. I mean, it didn’t matter either way to me.” Jim lifted one shoulder in a shrug.

“I also find that it does not matter.” Spock assured him, looking down at the board long enough to make a move, before looking back up again.

“Good.” Jim’s face went even redder as he looked at Spock with a slight smirk. “I’m sorry, I know what we agreed…but, I gotta ask. Do you think I’m hot?”

Spock stared blankly for a moment. Jim subconsciously bit his bottom lip in anticipation for Spock’s answer. “…Would you like me to adjust the temperature?”

Jim actually laughed, slamming one hand down onto the table so that the board rattled a fraction. Despite the fact that Spock was sure he was being laughed at, he found Jim’s laugh illogically fascinating just the same.

“No…” Jim shook his head, taking another second to get his breath back. “Hot is slang…for attractive.”

“Then yes.” Spock nodded. Again, he saw no reason to lie. The abruptness of the answer made Jim inhale sharply. He found that even though it was an outright question, he hadn’t been expecting such an outright answer. “I believe…for the sake of keeping the conversation fair, I should inquire the same thing?”

“Well, sure I did. It was like the first thing I noticed about you…besides the fact that you were Vulcan…and a teacher. So, I guess it was the third thing I noticed.” He chuckled. “What was the first thing you noticed about me?”

“That you were male…and attractive.”

Jim didn’t laugh this time. His breath caught sharply in his throat, and he could suddenly feel his heartbeat in all of his pulse points. He found he didn’t want to look away from Spock’s gaze, even if it were possible.

“It’s like…insane how bad I wanna kiss you right now.” Jim’s voice was a noticeable fraction deeper, and Spock found that the sound had a considerable effect on his body.

“For the sake of keeping the conversation fair…” Spock noticed the slight change in his own voice as well. “I should admit that I share the desire.”

“It’s a good thing there’s a table between us, then.” Jim leaned over it, and Spock mirrored him, noticing the dilation in Jim’s pupils.

“Yes…” Spock’s eyes roamed from Jim’s face down to his neck. The low collar of his t-shirt exposed the entirety of his throat, and Spock did not know if he had a stronger desire to bite it or treat it gently. He’d never felt such urges before now.

Jim suddenly moved from his spot, going around to Spock’s side of the table so fast that Spock didn’t have time to react before Jim was beside him. Spock instinctively turned to face him just as Jim leaned in closer.

“I really wanna kiss you.” Jim repeated, his half-lidded eyes roaming over Spock’s body now. “And, I know what the rules say…” Jim placed a hand on Spock’s knee and Spock felt as if electricity was passing through the thin fabric that separated their skin.

“I…” Spock’s small noise of protest died down as all of his thoughts went into enjoying the sensation.

“I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want. Okay?” Jim’s eyes met Spock’s again. Spock nodded once, in spite of part of his mind insisting that they stop immediately.

Jim’s hand slid up from Spock’s knee to his thigh. His thumb stroked back and forth and every inch made Spock’s heartbeat faster.  

“Do you like this?” Jim whispered, his hand inching higher.

“Yes…” Spock actually shivered. He inferred simply from the expert contact alone, that Jim had done this before. He found the thought actually aroused him. It was as if he was no longer the one of higher rank.

“…You can touch me too, if you want.” Jim’s hand was slowly going back and forth. Spock could barely think, as all of his sensed insisted on focusing instead on the contact.

“Perhaps…we could continue this experiment elsewhere.” Spock’s voice was beyond his own recognition.

Jim’s eyes lit up, and enthusiasm spread across his face. Only after another split second, did he go back to his calmer tone. “Only if you want to.” He nodded.

Spock reached down and grabbed Jim’s wrist. All of his nerves sparked at the contact, and he could tell Jim felt the same. Spock stood up and started down the hallway, pulling Jim with him. In his bedroom, he stopped in the middle of the floor and dropped Jim’s hand. He stood still, overwhelmed, and as if he couldn’t recall walking in.

“Do you wanna sit down?” Jim prompted softly. Spock nodded again. He felt as if a stranger in his own bedroom and was grateful Jim was taking the initiative. He gingerly sat on the edge of the bed, before moving further in and crossing his legs. Jim sat down across from him the same way, their knees almost touching.

“I’m gonna touch you again, okay?” Jim’s hand hovered above Spock’s leg, and he waited for Spock to nod before lowered it and returning to the earlier ministrations. “Tell me if I’m going too fast, or you wanna stop.” The mix of care and authority in his voice made Spock’s head spin.

Spock instinctively closed his eyes as Jim’s hand stroked a hot path up and down his thigh. His breath quickened and his eyes snapped open as he felt the mattress dip. Jim was leaning in, and Spock could see that his pupils were blown almost to the point that it obscured his irises.

“Can I kiss you?” He was waiting for Spock’s answer, but he still leaned in a fraction. Spock could actually smell his scent.

“Yes.”

Spock leaned in the rest of the way. Their lips met, gently tasting each other for the first time. Spock’s skin felt like fire, the embers burning and settling low in his core. Jim’s hands went up to gently cup Spock’s face, and deepen the kiss. Jim moaned softly as his tongue was eagerly invited in Spock’s mouth.

Spock’s hands fisted into the sheets on the bed on either side of him as their mouths molded together; Jim’s fighting to conquer and map every inch, and Spock’s as an eager recipient.

Spock tentatively let his shields lower. He longed to feel what Jim was feeling. Immediately his senses were flooded with intense arousal. Their mouths broke apart and Spock moaned loudly, both at the telepathic sensations and as a protest from losing it. His head slipped down to rest on Jim’s shoulder and he eagerly inhaled the scent.  

“ _God…_ ” Jim panted. “I haven’t…I mean…God…” He fell silent, trying to will down his arousal. He was sure Spock had never done this before, and he wanted to take it as slow as possible.

“Indeed…” Spock’s breath was hot against Jim’s neck. Jim gasped as he felt a wet and rough tongue dart out and slide across his skin. His entire body tensed up and he moaned when Spock did it again. “We must be gentle. I do not wish to leave a mark on you.”

Jim moaned, his hands going to Spock’s shoulders to push him back onto the bed. Spock’s head landed on the pillows and Jim climbed on top of him. He hoped Spock just said that because he didn’t want to leave evidence someone else might see. Truthfully, he wanted Spock to mark him, just as he wanted to mark Spock.

“Is this okay?” Jim’s hands went to the collar of Spock’s uniform.

As if to answer, Spock reached up and began undoing his shirt, letting it fall to the floor to reveal the black undershirt underneath. There was a low growl in Jim’s throat as he went to tug at the hem of it.

Spock sat up long enough to let Jim pull that off too. He curiously reached for Jim’s own shirt, and his fingers barely closed around the fabric before Jim reached down and tugged it off. Jim leaned over him and their hands began to map each other’s chests, roaming and feeling the muscles beneath their fingers.

“…Is this okay?” Jim asked again as his hands roamed over Spock’s chest, his fingers lightly tugging at his nipples. Spock sighed and seemed to sink down further into the bed.

“Jim…” Spock actually whimpered as his lowered shields allowed more of Jim’s emotions to pass to him. The intense arousal burned low in his stomach and he barely resisted the urge to buck his hips.

“…What?” Jim leaned back a bit to look down at him. “What is it? Do you wanna stop?”

“No, I…” Instead of finding the words, he arched his hips, driving up into Jim until their erections pressed together.

“ _Jesus Christ.”_ Jim covered Spock’s body with his own, angling himself until he could push back. The two of them found a steady pace, grinding against each other until the fiery sparks in their skin was all they could feel.

Jim was halfway between fear that it was too much too fast for Spock, and wanting to shed the last few layers that separated their sensitive skin. He pulled back, looking down at Spock to assess.

His eyes were squeezed shut, and his hands were knotted in the sheets once more. A dark green flush spread from his face down across his chest, and Jim thought he’d never seen something so beautiful.

“I wish to feel all of you.” Spock whispered, one hand going up to grab Jim’s arm. The electric buzz was a fascinating thing. Spock’s thumb slipped to the inside of Jim’s forearm and passed over the words there.

“Oh…” Jim melted as Spock’s other hand went to his hip, his other thumb hooking down into the waistband of his jeans. “Are you sure? This isn’t too much for you?”

“It is not enough.” He said urgently, his voice a lust-filled growl.

Jim went to action, immediately going to give him what he wanted. He undid his jeans and slid his boxers off with them, letting it all fall to the floor. He then reached for the front of Spock’s pants, hooking his fingers into both the waistband of his pants and underwear and practically tearing them off.

They pressed together again, desperate to feel all of each other. Spock’s arms wrapped around Jim’s back, his hands pressing against the rolling muscles. Jim’s hand slipping down between their bodies and wrapped around the straining flesh of Spock’s erection.

Before he could ask if this was what he wanted, Spock was rocking up again, fucking into Jim’s hand. Jim leaned up enough to watch Spock’s face as the Vulcan’s strength moved both their bodies with every thrust.

“Let me just…” Jim’s hand pulled off, leaving Spock whimpering at the loss. Jim reached up and licked into his palm, gathering as much wetness from his mouth as possible before returning to wrap his hand around Spock once more.

Spock moaned loudly, his hands going down to grip Jim’s hips. Jim silently prayed it would be hard enough to leave bruises. Jim angled his fist with each stroke, desperate to find the pace that finally made Spock lose control.

“Jim…” Spock whimpered again as his entire body started to tense up beneath Jim.

“Come for me, Spock.” Jim was unable to look away from Spock’s face. “Come for me.”

Spock trembled from his first orgasm. He wanted to cry out, but found all his muscles locked. He was unable to think of anything at all as pure pleasure zapped through his body and spread down to the tips of his fingers and toes. The pure scent of Jim was all he could sense as he breathed in and out.

Afterwards, all of his muscles seemed to melt into the bed beneath him. He looked up at Jim with glassy eyes amazement, unable to truly believe his own body could feel that.

Jim pressed on top of him again, his own cock gliding between the firmness of their bodies, slick from semen. Only half a moment later did his own orgasm shake him, his hands on Spock’s shoulders and his fingers digging in.

“God…” Jim panted, his muscled slackening and his entire weight falling onto Spock.

“Indeed.” Spock’s voice was small and hoarse. He shifted so that Jim rolled off of him and onto his side. Spock arranged himself behind him, so that Jim’s back was flush against his chest. The skin on skin contact gave him the calming feeling of Jim’s contentment.

“That was…” Jim paused to pant a bit.

“It was amazing, T’hy’la…” Spock murmured, not really aware of his own words.

“Is that Vulcan?” Jim rolled over to face him, their eyes locking once more.

“It is…” Spock found himself blushing. “It means soulmate.”

Jim just smiled, his own cheeks flushing. Despite the warmth of the room, he reached beneath them to pull the blankets up over their bodies. They settled under them, watching each other with a warmth to their cheeks as they couldn’t help but replay what had just happened over in their minds.

Beneath the covers, Spock hand found Jim’s. With the last of the emotional transference he could handle, Spock sensed Jim’s apprehension. He wanted to assure him everything was alright, but he could not promise what he was unsure of himself.

Now when their eyes met, there was a shared expression of worry at what they’d just done, of what was to come. Jim silently decided not to speak of it. Tonight, it didn’t matter. Tonight was about them exploring each other’s minds and bodies, as first nights among soulmates should always be about. Who the hell was anyone else to tell them this was wrong?

“You know…” Jim’s voice was still hoarse, and he paused to clear his throat. “When you asked me here today, I thought you were gonna ask me to marry you.”

“Marriage is quite a commitment.” Spock’s eyebrows went up.

“I know, but a lot of soulmates get married like, right after they meet.”

“Is that what you want?”

“I…” His voice broke off into a chuckle. Earlier, he’d thought it was appealing. Now he’d just be grateful to be able to stay the night here. “I dunno yet.”

Spock just nodded once, feeling the same thing. It was silent between them. Jim tried to stay in the moment and bask in it, but reality was rearing its head. As soon as he climbed out of this bed in the morning, everything would be more complicated. He still had so much weekend homework, not to mention they’d see each other bright and early on Monday for the club meeting.

“Sleep now, Jim.” Spock said, as if still reading him. Really, he was just telling Jim what he also wanted to tell himself. “Sleep now, and everything will be alright tomorrow.” Jim closed his eyes and Spock did the same.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on tumblr @frappuccinio


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys like this chapter! follow me on tumblr @frappuccinio

Jim awoke several times throughout the night, though they were fitful and short-lived, and he’d soon slip back into the nightmares. His subconscious mind was wracked with the guilt of what they’d done, and it showed in his dreams.

In more than one, he was standing before the academic council. The faces of Pike and Barret glared down at them and told them they were both kicked out of Starfleet for what they’d done. When Jim pleaded with them and tried to explain by showing them his words, he’s pushed up his sleeve to find they were gone.

At some time during the night, when Jim is half in a nightmare, he’s aware of Spock wrapping his arms around him and pulling his back flush against his chest. He doesn’t know if it’s some sort of emotional transference or what, but he’s immediately calmed, and sleeps the rest of the night in a peaceful dreamless darkness.

When he awakes properly, Spock’s side is empty. He sits up and looks around the bedroom. The light coming in through the blinds slants about halfway across the bed, and he guesses it’s still before noon. The scent of incense is stronger than they’d been the night before, almost completely covering the scent of sex.

His clothes are folded neatly at the foot of the bed in the square sort of way that his mother taught him, but he could never do quite right. His sweater is there too, but it’s still too hot in Spock’s apartment for all of that. He tugs on his underwear, jeans, and t-shirt before padding into the living room.

Spock is sitting calmly on the floor, and Jim realizes he’s meditating. He doesn’t know whether to walk past him out the door, or to try and talk to him. As he comes closer, the decision is made for him.

“Good morning.” Spock opens his eyes and looks at Jim with what he can only describe as a softer version of the usual stoicism.

“…What time is it?” Jim’s voice is scratchy with sleep.

“Just past ten.” Spock stands up and starts for the kitchen. “I did not wish to wake you, so I moved my meditation out here.” Jim’s afraid Spock’s going to go through the trouble of making tea again, when he just opens the refrigerator and hands him a cup of orange juice. The glass is cold and he eagerly takes a swallow, noticing how it stings his bottom lip where he’d bitten it last night.

“It wouldn’t have woken me up…” He mumbles into the glass, studying the fibers of the carpet in favor of looking at Spock.

“Perhaps not, but your presence would be quite distracting to me.” Maybe he’s joking, but Jim just stares down as what feels like claws tighten around his insides and pull downwards. “Are you well?”

“Sure…” He cuts his eyes upwards, and looking into Spock’s immediately breaks him. “No. No, I’m not…” He puts the glass down roughly on the counter.

He wants to scream and ask why Spock doesn’t feel bad too, but he knows why. It’s not Spock’s fault. Jim was the one who’d initiated, who’d said they shouldn’t worry about rules or consequences. Jim had hypnotized Spock with some spiel about how all that mattered was how good it’d felt.

 No wonder Spock didn’t feel bad. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He was the victim in all of this. Jim had made a lot of shitty mistakes in his life, but never one that could potentially drag down another person so fast like this.

“I’m sorry…what I did to you…” He didn’t even know where to begin. His voice tapered off as he started to shake, but the claws of guilt dug in, egging him on. Spock looked on with a truly puzzled look. “I took advantage of you…”

“I will hear no more of this.” Spock held up one hand, the teacher-like authority back in his voice actually shocking Jim’s body into stilling. “What happened last night was not your fault. There was mutual consent, and it was quite enthusiastic, in case you have forgotten.”

“Yeah, well…” He hasn’t forgotten, as the coloring in his cheeks make clear. “We still broke the rules.”

“That is true.” Spock clasps his hands behind his back and turns his head away, brows furrowed. “And we should be concerned. We cannot let that sort of…temporary lapse in control seize us again.”

Jim relaxes a bit, glad they’re on the same page about that, at least. Calling it a temporary lapse in control gave little indication to what it was actually referring, but maybe it was better that way. To not let it happen again, meant he couldn’t think about it. That sounded easier said than done.

“Okay.” Jim shakes his hands a bit, an old nervous habit that seems to be creeping back up. He hates to think what that means –to not let them lose themselves again. It probably means they couldn’t hang out anymore, even innocently, considering what had happened last night started as innocent.

He mumbles something about heading out to get an early start on his homework. It’s not exactly a lie. Even though he’s always worked best under pressure, he has a feeling he’ll get started as early as possible in order to keep himself distracted.

He put his shoes back on by the door, and looks back at Spock, at a loss for words. Their chess game is still unfinished on the table. Spock looks back at him, a longing look crossing his usual stoic features. Jim turns away long enough to open the door. Outside, the wind makes the air seem colder, but he doesn’t turn back for his sweater.

“I’ll see you around, I guess.”

Spock just gives a slow and somewhat sad nod. Jim wants to scream again, but he’s not even sure what words. It’s not fair that he can’t take Spock by the hand and sit down to finish their game. The actual universe paired them up…didn’t that mean anything to anyone?

The door closes behind him and he starts down the concrete stairs. With each step, he feels sicker, like he’s leaving half his insides up on the top of the landing. He finally steps past the first floor apartment doors and onto the sidewalk.

He feels clammy and cold, and he sort of wishes he’d at least stayed long enough to drink the juice. Campus is empty. It’s Saturday morning, so there’s not even anyone out going to classes. The large ornate fountain mists him with fleck of water as he goes past, and he shivers again.

In the lift in the dorm building, he leans against the wall and tries not to puke when it feels like he’s shooting skywards with great speed. It dings to a halt and he practically collapses against the door. His fingers shake against the keypad, and the numbers blur before his eyes. What was the code again? He and McCoy had made it something easy to remember.

2…6…6…3…7…

For a second, he fears he’s missed it, until the door slides open. He sways a bit before walking in and hearing the door shut behind him.

McCoy is sitting at his desk. The computer screen is open to walls of text, and there’s a book propped open against the keyboard. He isn’t fully invested in his studies though, instead he’s leaned back in his chair, listening intently to the phone propped between his ear and shoulder.

“Uh huh….yes, definitely.” He cuts his eyes over to Jim and nods in acknowledgement. “Okay, that’s great! I’ll talk to you later. Love you, bye.”

“Was that your girlfriend?” Jim tried to smirk, but with his aching insides, it probably looked like a grimace.

“That was my daughter, you fool.” McCoy chuckled, placing the phone back on the desk before turning in his chair to face him. “Where were you? You didn’t come back last night.”

“Eh…” Jim lifted and dropped one shoulder, hoping that would be enough, but McCoy persisted. “You look like shit, are you okay?”

“’M fine…” He mumbled, getting on his bed and climbing under the covers with his clothes still on. His teeth chattered. It was like he couldn’t get warm.

“You look sick….how late did you stay out before you crashed?” McCoy stood up and came over to his bed. His doctor mode switched on as he pressed a rough hand against the side of Jim’s face.

“Didn’t…” He tried to explain that he hadn’t really been out at all last night, but McCoy violently pulled his hand back.

“You’re burning up!”

Jim squeezed his eyes shut as a wave of nausea went over him. This made no sense. Why was he so sick all of a sudden? He couldn’t remember feeling any worse than usual for the past few days, only lack of sleep had kept him from feeling up to it all. Even last night, he hadn’t felt sick at all…in fact, he’d felt good…really, really good.

But this morning, he’d felt really bad. But that was all from guilt. Spock assured him everything was fine…he’d given him juice. He chuckled in sick amusement at the thought of Spock poisoning him.

“God…you’re all delirious. I’m gonna go get you somethin’”

 It felt like McCoy was gone forever. Jim at least wished he’d turned off the light before he left. The overhead light seemed to burn into his retinas. His teeth chattered again and his stomach rolled. A moment later, McCoy returned.

“Sit up and drink this.”

It was a mix of the authority in his voice, and the fact that he felt so bad that kept Jim from retorting. He sat up and took the medicine from the tiny cup like a shot, throwing it back and drowning it with a glass of ginger ale he was handed.

“It’s probably just a twenty-four-hour bug.” He looked on with pity and shook his head. “Where’d you go last night? Were you out for a long time in the cold?”

“N-no…I…” His teeth chattered again. “I went to see Spock…after dinner.”

“And then?” McCoy put his hands on his hips.

“Nothing…I stayed there last night. I just left this morning.”

“Was he sick last night? Or this morning?”

“No…” Jim just wanted to pass out. What was with all the questions? They were making his head spin. “I…we barely talked this morning. I left really fast…”

“Oh. Well call him and ask.”

“Can’t do that…” It was with great effort that he sat up and told McCoy everything about how they couldn’t be together anymore. He started from the beginning, too sick to feel embarrassed as he laid out every detail. “So…I left this morning. I know he said it wasn’t my fault, but I felt bad anyways.”

“You shouldn’t. I mean, it’s a bitch of a situation that you can’t be together, but you shouldn’t feel bad about slipping up. Now that it’s out of your system, it might be easier to keep in line.”

“Maybe…” Jim actually thought it was the exact opposite. Now that he knew what it was like to be with Spock, he might be addicted. “I gotta get out.” He yanked off the blankets and swung his feet onto the floor.

“Lay back down.” McCoy reached for his arm.

“No.” Jim shook him off and started towards the door. “I’m gonna go to the library. I got work to do.”

McCoy dropped his arms to his sides, as if realizing there was no point in fighting. Jim grabbed his backpack and started out again.

The cool air actually felt good now against the sweaty skin of his brow. He lifted his face towards the wind and sun. Wasn’t this all a sign he was getting better? Of course it was. He was going to be fine. He didn’t need to drag Spock down with him.

The library was always too quiet for his liking, and with it being Saturday, it’d be deserted. He hated silence, when all he could hear was the blood in his ears. He started off campus instead.

Town was bustling with cadets, all out of uniform. The mall parking lot was packed, but he kept walking. The restaurants were full too, with people eating outside under large umbrellas. Wasn’t there a nice place that didn’t have other students around?

On the next block over, he spotted someplace. It was small, and at first he thought it was closed. As he got closer, he saw the lights were just dim, and it was empty. The sign in the window said open, though, so he went in.

The coffee smell was strong, and pushed down the sick in his stomach in favor of an appetite. It seemed like such a quaint café, that he couldn’t think of why it was empty. He took a table by the window, and no sooner had he pulled out a textbook, was his table flocked by a server.

“Hello, what can I get for you?”

Jim recognized the accent, and looked up to see Sulu’s boyfriend. The kid was wearing and apron and smiling at him brightly.

“Oh, hey. I didn’t know you worked here…” Jim reached for a menu, realizing he’d yet to look at one.

“Ah, money for textbooks and things.” He chuckled sheepishly.

“Right, that’s cool.” He nodded quickly. Of course, not everyone had the school shoving scholarships at them to up make for their dad blowing himself to bits in space. Some people actually had tuition.

“We have good cake…” Pavel drummed the end of his pencil against his order pad.

“Okay, that sounds good.” Jim closed the menu.

“Certainly…” He jotted it down and dashed off. He was back a moment later with cake and a glass of milk.

“Hey, uh, where is everyone?” He didn’t know how else to ask.

“We have been steadily losing business since summer.” Pavel sighed. “I do not think everyone appreciates having to wait while everything is freshly made.”

“Well, hard work pays off.” He takes a huge bite of cake and notices the nice differences between that and what’s replicated.

“I am glad someone appreciates.” He smiled. “Hikaru tries to help stir up business…he brings the botany club here almost every week…but ah, it feels strange. I do not like waiting on Hikaru…like I’m his…”

“Slave?” Jim asks.

“Wife.” Pavel frowns. “Well, anyways, I am sure you understand what I mean. It must be strange when you are with Spock and he acts like he is your teacher…”

“He doesn’t do that.” Jim actually laughed. Spock hadn’t really acted at all like a teacher when they were together last night. Probably because he was just as inexperienced as Jim about the whole thing. His laughter tapered off, and he glanced up at Pavel. “Hey…can I ask you a sort of…serious question about soulmates?”

“Er...Alright.” Pavel glanced towards the counter where they could hear the cooks moving around in the kitchen, before taking the seat opposite Jim.

“Sorry, it’s just I don’t really know anyone else…” He explains, looking down at the table to study his cake. “Do you ever feel…weird when you’re with Hikaru?”

“Weird how?” Pavel scrunched up his eyebrows.

“Like…when he touches you?” Jim thought of that strange static spark.

“Um…” Pavel went bright red, and looked as if he greatly regretted attempting to answer Jim’s questions.

“Okay, never mind.” He quickly brushed that away. “Sorry…”

“Do you feel something weird? Like what?”

“Static?” He shrugged. He didn’t know how to describe it. Pavel shrugged too, at a loss.

The bell above the door chimed as an elderly couple walked in. Pavel excused himself and went to take their orders. Jim finished his cake and milk and started on his homework.

He didn’t even feel sick anymore. The medicine McCoy gave him probably chased off whatever it was…just a stomach bug.

He stayed for a while, enjoying the way it was quiet, but not too quiet. The café may not be popular with students, but old people seemed to like to wait for freshly brewed tea. Jim worked on all of his homework, until his hands were starting to cramp. By then, it was nearing lunch and Pavel returned to take his lunch order.

“Cake is not a healthy breakfast.” He grinned. “And we have sandwiches.”

Jim had a feeling that he needed to order something else or risk being politely kicked out. He scanned the menu once more, trying to find something that was light. Maybe drinking a glass of milk and sitting in the sun wasn’t the best idea. He was starting to feel sick again.

The menus words swam before his eyes, and he swayed a bit in his chair. He shook his head to clear it all away, but it only made the fluid in his inner ears slosh like what was in his stomach. He opened his mouth to say that maybe he’d just pass, when everything started to go dark.

“Hey, are you okay!?” Pavel’s voice rang in his ears.

It was the last thing he heard before his head hit the ground.

❖ ❖ ❖

Spock watched Jim leave, and with great reluctance, didn’t say a word.

In just the last two days, he’d become aware of so many emotions he’d never once considered. He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to suppress them, even if it was the Vulcan way. He didn’t understand how Jim could feel so guilty about last night, when what had happened had been so…amazing.

But he knew the rules just as Jim did. Until their case was settled, they could not be together like they had last night. He sighed. Perhaps it was best that Jim had left. After all, they would see each other bright and early on Monday morning.

Following in Jim’s example, Spock distracted himself with work. He planned all of his lessons for the following week, and finished grading all of the quizzes. He posted all of the grades online, and felt a twinge of apprehension when he saw it was not yet noon.

He busied himself more by finalizing the agenda for the first club meeting. When he went to send it to Nyota, he found himself staring at her contact information for a long moment. Wouldn’t it be nice to talk to someone?

He stood and quickly shed his meditation robes in favor of his outdoor ones. Just before he left his room, he notices Jim’s sweater sitting on his bed. Part of him longed to at least see if it still carried his scent, but that would be illogical.

The walk to the dormitory is chilling, and he dreads that winter is on its way. No one else seems to mind, as many of the people he passes in the courtyards are in short sleeves.

He knocks on the door, and instantly regrets it. Many students spend weekends with one another, drinking or goofing off. She most likely did not want to see a teacher. But when the door opened, she smiled brightly.

“Hey, come in!” She closed the door behind him when he did so. “I was just making tea. You want a cup?”

“…Yes, thank you.” He sits at her small table.

“What’s wrong?” She switches on the electric kettle and then immediately sits beside him. Her hands are inches from his on the table, but he isn’t sure if he wants her to touch him.

“You are aware that Jim is my soulmate?” He starts.

“He told me.” She gives a small smile.

“Woah! You and Jimmy?! That’s so insane!” A voice cackles. Spock notices Gaila for the first time.

“Gaila!” Nyota glares. “Can’t you see something’s wrong?”

“Sorry!” She does look sincere. “So, what’s wrong Spock? You don’t like Jimmy? I think he’s a hoot!”

“That is not the problem…” Spock doesn’t care much for Gaila. Orions and Vulcans are opposites in many ways, but she is Nyota’s friend. Nyota hands him a mug and takes her seat again. He looks down into the tea –which is an upsetting green –and explains the situation.

“Is that even legal!?” Gaila’s eyes are wide. “I thought soulmates were supposed to be together!”

“They are…but it is…” He sighed and drinks his tea. It is not calming like Vulcan tea, and instead settles heavy in his stomach. “They believe there to be an unfair dynamic, since we are of different ranks.”

“That’s stupid.” Gaila frowns. “That’s really like the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

He finds it makes him feel a bit better to hear her carry on in this way. Perhaps this is why she is such good friends with Nyota.

“It is stupid…” He says bitterly under his breath as he sips his tea.

“I’m sorry…” Nyota does touch his hand this time.

“We can repeal this by meeting with the council in December.” He explains. “But until then, we cannot be together.”

“Oh, that really burns me up!” Gaila gets up and starts for the door. “You and Jimmy are both so nice…and you can’t be together because of some stupid rule? I wonder if Jimmy’s okay…”

“Where are you going?” Nyota asks.

“I have to make up that lab I missed Tuesday.” She sighed, and looked at Spock again, still with pity in her eyes. “Maybe I’ll stop by and see Jimmy afterwards.”

 He watches her go, and turns to Nyota when they are alone. She immediately senses something else and gives him and inquisitive look.

“There is…something else.” He tightens his grip on the mug.

“What?”

He isn’t sure if he should even tell her. It is quite a private thing, after all. But the emotions that Jim had exhibited that morning escape him. Guilt over the rules was understandable, but guilt over Spock?

“Last night, Jim came by.” He doesn’t look at her. He can’t, as he’s sure he’s probably the same color as the drink right about now.

She seems to understand what he’s saying. She gives him a solemn look and he just shakes his head, unable to phrase what he wants. “This morning, he was so upset. He believed he had taken advantage of me.”

“He…didn’t, right?” She looks offended and angry at the very idea.

“He did not.” He clarifies with slight force, before looking away again. “It was consensual on my part, and he was so…gentle…”

Nyota shifts uncomfortably and clears her throat. “Well, you know why he feels bad. You could lose your job, and he could get expelled if anyone finds out.”

“I am aware…” He takes a sip of tea, despite not caring for it. “I just wish there was a way to ease his burden.”

“It’ll blow over.” She assures him. “He’ll realize that as long as no one knows, he shouldn’t feel bad about what happened. And hey, maybe now that it’s…out of your system.” She waves a hand. “It’ll be easier to get by until December.”

“Perhaps.” He actually did not think that was going to be the case, but he stayed quiet.

He changes the subject by inquiring about her courses. He watches the way her hands move quite animatedly as she describes certain teachers –all of whom he’s personally acquainted with –when he’s suddenly squeezing his eyes shut in pain.

“What is it? Are you okay?” her voice sounds as if it’s ringing from far off.

It feels as if a needle is piercing in the back of his brain in the base of his skull. When he comes to, he finds he’s stood up. His heart is slamming in his side, and he can feel the individual hairs prickling on the back of his neck.

“What?” Nyota asks again, standing and gripping his arm.

He isn’t entirely sure how he knows, but he is absolutely positive that something is wrong with Jim.

❖ ❖ ❖

Jim felt like his entire body was on fire beneath blankets. His shoulder bones were being crushed as someone was sitting on top of him and violently shaking him. The crushing weight of the person on him was pinning his legs down. His head snapped back against the pillow as whoever it was tried to shake him awake.

_I’m up! Get the hell off me!_

He wanted to scream, but he couldn’t find words. He couldn’t even open his eyes, but there was a bright light through his lids. A moment later, the shaking stopped and he slumped back against the pillow and faded out again.

The next time he came to, it was dark. It took him a moment for him to realize he was back in his own bed. He blinked a few times to test his eyes, and slowly moved his feet beneath the covers, noticing his entire body felt like heavy like lead.

He could hear hushed voices out by the doorway. He recognized McCoy’s deep drawl. He squeezed his eyes shut and listened intently.

“How the hell could this happen?! He almost died!”

“I assure you, Doctor, it only appeared that serious on the outside. His mind and body are still adjusting.” Spock’s voice made Jim’s breath catch in his throat.

“But how could you do this to him!? Can’t you undo it?!” McCoy sounded so worried, that Jim was still unsure that he wasn’t going to die.

“This was not something intentional. The bond seems to have manifested itself as a result of Jim and I spending the night together. I cannot undo it. Now we must live with it.”

“We?”

“I am just as affected as he is. How do you think I knew something was wrong?” Jim didn’t get to hear if McCoy gave a smart-ass answer, because he found himself drifting off again.

This time when he opened his eyes, the sun was streaming in through the windows. He had no idea what time it was or even what today was. His limbs felt light, and he rolled over it bed, only to find arms around him.

“…Spock?” Jim’s voice was scratchy.

“I am here.” Spock gently stroked his side.

“What happened?” Jim moved out of Spock’s grip and sat up. Whoever had tucked him in had taken off his clothes, leaving him in his undershirt and boxers. He couldn’t remember anything, but he really hoped it wasn’t McCoy.

On cue, the door opened and McCoy came in. “You’re awake!” He handed Jim a glass of water.

“What happened?” He asked again.

“You passed out and hit your head.” McCoy went to sit on his own bed. “I told you not to go out if you were sick.”

“Why were you shaking me?” Jim downed half the glass.

“Shaking you?” McCoy’s eyebrows went up. “I was trying to hold you down. You were having some kinda fit or something!”

The serious look on his face made Jim glance to were Spock was calmly sitting on the bed behind him. He was wearing a similar expression.

“So, what’s wrong with me?” He demands, hating the way he feels so weak, and the way they’re looking at him like he’s gonna die any second. “I heard you guys whispering.”

“I’ll leave you alone.” McCoy walks out without looking back at Jim. He isn’t sure how to feel about that, as the doors slide closed.

“Jim, there is something we must discuss.” Spock said quietly. Jim turns so they’re facing each other on the tiny bed. “It seems something happened when we spent the night together. Our minds have become linked.”

“What…” He shook his head in confusion, noting how it didn’t hurt to do so.

“I believe our minds were completely compatible, explaining the sensation we feel when we touch.” Wanting to test it again, Jim reached across and gently grabbed Spock around the wrist. The feeling was there, plain as day.

“So, we slept together and got our minds linked?” Jim absentmindedly stroked his thumb across Spock’s wrist, as if he were the one who needed calming.

“It would appear so.” He nodded, eyes down and watching where their skin touched.

“So, what does this mean? Why did I get so sick?” It was starting to come back to him just a tad. He remembered sitting in the café and doing all his homework. He quickly twisted around to glance towards the spot where he always drops his bag, relieved to see someone had grabbed it from the café.

“I believe it has to do with the bond attaching itself…almost…impulsively. As a human, your mind is susceptible to these things, but needs ample time to adjust. An adjustment period was not given, leaving your mind and body very weak. Not to mention the negativity that came with us parting ways so hastily yesterday morning.

“Yeah…sorry about that.” He shook his head a tad. “Wait, yesterday? So, today is…”

“Sunday.” Spock nodded again. “You were ill for a while. The best thing for you was me being here. I believe a gentle meld has helped heal the parts of your mind that were still raw from the bond.

“Wait, you went in my mind?” Jim pulled his hand back from Spock’s as panic weld up in him.

“I assure you, I did not see anything you would not want to share. I only attempted to repair the link. I believe it has helped. Do you feel better?”

“Yeah…actually.” He nodded. “So, I still don’t get it. What does it mean if our minds are linked?”

“I am unsure…a bond creating itself seems to be exclusive to soulmates, and there is not much information about that on Vulcan.”

“You can’t read my mind, though?” Jim closed his eyes and tried to think something loud and clear.

“I cannot at the moment…but with extensive practice, who knows?” There was an unmistakable twinkle of amusement in his eyes. “I am relieved you are feeling better. I must return to prepare for classes tomorrow, as well as our meeting...”

“So, that’s how it is, then?” Jim reached out and grabbed Spock’s arm and he stood up. “Nothing’s changed? We still can’t…?”

“I’m afraid not.” Spock’s voice was barely more than a whisper. “But I believe the link can only help our case now.”

“Right…” Jim pulled his hand back and drew his knees up to his chest. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

Spock looked down at him, and it took all of Jim’s self-control not to grab him and kiss him. As if sensing this, Spock gently reached out and touched Jim’s face before leaving. As he entered the hallway, McCoy took it as a sign to come back in.

“How ya’ feeling?” He asked somewhat nervously.

“Great.”

And he really meant it. Despite the fact that he and Spock were apart once more, whatever Spock had done to Jim’s head seemed to make him feel fit again. He went down to the gym and ran on the treadmill until the sun went down.

When he returned back to his room, his padd was blinking with a message. He saw it was from Spock, and his heart leapt, until he realized it was just the newsletter for the xenolinguistics club, sent to everyone on the roster.

 _[Please review these topics in preparation for our meeting tomorrow. We will engage in a group discussion.]  
_ Jim rolled his eyes and tossed the padd back on his desk before heading off to take a shower. As the hot water blasted him, he couldn’t help but think about what Spock had said about mind reading. Had Spock been joking? The idea was so farfetched. As he ran the soap over his arms, he let his eyes close and attempted to access the link.

_Spock…can you hear me? I’m talking to you…_

He waited, eyes still closed and felt nothing.

_Hello…_

Shrugging it off, he finished showering and went to back to his room. He was up late finishing homework and reading ahead. Monday meant he’d have classes right after the club meeting and all the way until dinner. He fell asleep somewhere around one and woke up fifteen minutes before six.

“Shit…” He climbed out of bed and tried to get dressed fast and quick.

While attempting to tug on his shoes, he bumped into the dresser, causing the contents on top to rattle. Jim glanced in alarm at McCoy, where he only grunted in his sleep and rolled over.

He ran all the way to the classroom, and was relieved when he found a group of people waiting outside. He was right on time.

There was a buzz from the keypad by the door as it was unlocked. The students that pushed inside looked tired, yet excited. Nerds, Jim thought with a laugh as he followed them inside.

“Good morning. Please sit down.” Spock was standing sternly at the front of the classroom. Jim’s breath caught in his throat as Spock glanced at Jim with the same no-nonsense look he gave the other students. Jim was just going to have to accept that he was starting to develop some kind of teacher fetish.

The tables were arranged in a circle, all facing each other for optimum group discussing. Jim sat down and was flanked on either side. Nyota sat on his left, and by the look she gave him, Spock had told her everything.

Some other fair-haired girl sat on his right, and immediately pulled out notes she had prepared. Jim shifted a bit as everyone followed suit. He hadn’t bothered to make any notes, but he had read the work, hopefully no one tried to call him out.

“Cadet Kirk, where are your notes?” Spock’s voice was sharp, and everyone immediately looked up at him.

“Don’t worry, they’re up here.” Jim gave him a smirk and tapped his temple. The room was immediately filled with hushed giggles, as if they’d never expected someone to sass a teacher.

“Well, then, perhaps you can inform every one of _your_ opinion on the readings.” Spock watched him stoically, and Jim was starting to feel very hot under the collar.

“Well…it was alright.” He shrugged, and there was an uproar of laughter once more.

“Silence.” Spock snapped, and the noise died down. “You seem very ill prepared, Cadet.”

“I am not!” Jim searched Spock’s face for anything, any sort of familiarity or sign of the person he’d been over the weekend. But no. He was in teacher mode now.

“Okay.” Nyota spoke up, breaking Jim and Spock’s eye contact. “I think we should all pair up and discuss the vocabulary list for Vulcan. Try quizzing each other.” As if to save them all from further tension, she pushed for Spock to pair with some meek looking cadet on the other side of the room, while Jim paired up with the girl on his right.

“My, he’s sort of scary, isn’t he?” The girl asked, looking over at Spock from the corner of her eye.

“Nah, I bet he’s a real softy on the inside.” Jim smirked. “I’m Jim.”

“Christine.” She went slightly pink. “You’re friends with Leonard, right?”

“Yeah, he’s my roommate. Why?”

“No reason.” She quickly ducked down to study her padd. “We should work on this.”

The hour went by fast, and Jim could practically feel Spock’s eyes on him the whole time. Apparently he didn’t like being sassed in class, but Jim didn’t regret it, he loved the vaguely pissed off look on Spock’s face.

“You are all dismissed.” Spock says. “Make sure to read the vocabulary throughout the week and check your inbox for any updates.” There’s a scuffle of scraping chairs as everyone grabs their bags and starts for the door. “Cadet Kirk, please stay behind.”

No one laughed, but there were a few smiles his way as they filed out of the room. Nyota was last, just behind Christine. She looked back at him, but he couldn’t tell what she was thinking as she shut the door, leaving them alone.

“You were ill prepared.” Spock said, the authority in his voice made Jim sweat. He wracked his brain and tried to remember if Spock was allowed to give him detention.

“Yeah…well…” He was suddenly sweating under Spock’s gaze. Was he crazy or was Spock leaning closer?

“You should be prepared for next time. Perhaps it would be efficient to set up a session where you and I can study the material…” Though his posture was still rigid, there was that unmistakable amusement in his eyes.

“Oh, uh, yeah.” Jim decided to play along, nodding eagerly. “I could definitely use the help.”

“Then I will arrange it.” He nodded. “You should go now before you are late for your first class.”

“Right.” It took all of his willpower to keep from laughing. “See ya’…Professor.”

As he hustled to his first class, he couldn’t help but wonder if Spock was actually suggesting they break the rules. Maybe not, considering they were probably going to meet on campus and actually do work…but still, a chance to even be with him was nice.

With each step, it felt like the bond in his mind was buzzing with excitement…or maybe that was just his imagination.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spock: heck the rules...


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for more explicit content. take a shot when you find the twilight reference.

“You’re just asking for trouble; you know that? I mean, you guys think you’re being so sneaky, but you’re not _that_ sneaky. You’re gonna get caught…”

“Yeah Bones, that’s great…” Jim wasn’t really listened as he rummaged through his closet.

He had to find something great to wear on his date. Besides, he wasn’t missing anything, anyways. McCoy had given him the same lecture every Friday night for the past three weeks, ever since Jim and Spock had started using those nights to “study.”

He didn’t know what McCoy was so worried about, considering they _actually_ weren’t doing anything illegal. No matter how much time they spent pressed together over books or chess, he couldn’t squeeze anything more out of Spock than a chaste kiss. It was almost like he was just as afraid of the rules as McCoy thought Jim should be –despite the fact that their study dates were his idea.

“Aren’t you worried at all?” McCoy slammed his textbook shut and turned his desk chair half-way around to look at Jim.

“I know I should be…” Jim finally found the shirt he was looking for and put it on. “But I’m really not. I mean, Spock lives off campus, so it’s not like anyone is gonna see us. Plus, when we’re together, it’s hard to worry about anything.”

He finished getting dressed and then went to the dresser for a hairbrush. He fumbled along the top of dresser before coming across a bottle of cologne that must be McCoy’s. Jim glanced over his shoulder to make sure McCoy’s attention was back on his book, before stealing a palm-full and rubbing it on his neck.

“Well, you should be worried. Midterms are right around the corner…and no amount of private studying with your boyfriend is gonna help.”

Jim rolled his eyes and tried to imagine how what life was like for someone like McCoy, who seemed to worry about everything.

“That reminds me…” He started, hoping to change the subject. “I think this girl in the club has a crush on you.”

“What girl?!” McCoy’s head snapped up quickly.

“This girl that sits by me. She always asks me about you.” Jim tried to sound nonchalant, but he was grinning as he brushed his hair in the mirror. “Her name is Christine.”

“Yeah, I know who you’re talking about.” He lowered his head back to his book.

“She’s cute, you should talk to her…she could be the one.”

“Eh.” McCoy just shrugged.

“Just talk to her.” Jim finished brushing his hair and went to find his jacket. “You’ll know right away if she’s the one.”

“What am I supposed to say? We can’t all be as eloquent as you, tripping over an umbrella…”

“Oh, shut up.” Jim finally found the jacket and put it on. “I’ll be back later on…or tomorrow…hopefully.”

Before McCoy could pick up his lecture right where he left on, Jim grabbed his bag and darted out the door. It was getting harder and harder to ignore it, especially when he was right.

Jim wasn’t trying to deny that they were breaking the rules, but it was just so hard to care when they were together. And when they weren’t together, he tried to keep himself busy by studying. He was constantly checking his grades online to make sure he had a hundred percent on everything. It was a nice distraction, plus, he got to rub his grades in Nyota’s face whenever he saw her.

He shoved his hands in his pockets as he stepped outside. It was getting a lot colder, with midterms fast approaching, and Halloween right around the corner. Next week would be the Halloween party. It was the first big party of the semester, and for some people, the first breather since classes started.

Already the campus was buzzing with talk of who was wearing what costume and who was gonna sneak in what drink. Jim liked to drink as much as the next person, but he thought it was pretty stupid of people to break the rules like that.

He chuckled to himself at his own hypocrisy as he walked under the archway in the fence and off the campus. As his boots crunched on leaves as he got closer to Spock’s, the thought of anything school-related faded from his mind. The past week’s quiz grades and the pages of text he’d memorized were practically minute in his brain as he rounded the corner and spotted Spock’s building.

He climbed the stairs and quickly knocked on the door. He bounced from foot to foot, his heart thumping with anticipation. He’d finally get to be with Spock again, after a long week of classes, he’d finally get to relax with his soulmate.

The minutes clicked on, and no one came to the door. Jim frowned and knocked again, harder. Maybe he was just in the shower or something and couldn’t hear the door. The thought of Spock in the shower was nice, but he needed to hurry up and answer the door! Did he forget they had a date?

“Hello….” Jim knocked again.

“I apologize for being out when you arrived.” He turned to see Spock coming up the stairs in his uniform, briefcase in hand.

“Oh…No, it’s okay. Are you just getting off work?” Jim stepped aside to let Spock unlock the door and followed him inside.

“Indeed.” Spock set his briefcase down on the table inside and sighed quietly. Jim noticed how tired he looked, just because he saw that look on his own face most mornings. “I was in the middle of preparing my midterm examinations, when Professor Michaels requested my help in the labs. We finished, and I had just returned to my office when I noticed I had to leave in order to be on time for our study session.”

“So…you didn’t get to finish making your tests?” Jim asked tentatively as he slipped off his boots and tossed his jacket on the couch.

“I suppose I can wake up early and finish it after my meditation.” Spock picked up Jim’s jacket and hung it on the rack by the door before going to the kitchen.

“But tomorrow’s Saturday…don’t you wanna sleep in?” His heart felt like it was deflating. If Spock was already making plans to work tomorrow morning, then it wasn’t looking good for Jim’s chances of sleeping over.

“I have too much work to do.” Spock put on the kettle for tea before returning to the table to open his briefcase and shuffle through the contents. “Sleeping in would be detrimental to that.”

“Oh…well.” Jim tried to hide his disappointment, to no avail. “Maybe he should just take a raincheck. You sound pretty busy…”

“Negative. We made plans tonight, and Vulcans do not go back on their word.” Spock looked up at Jim with that same amused glint in his eyes that was only ever reserved for him. Jim felt like his heart was swelling up again as Spock sat on the couch and patted the spot beside him. “In addition…I believe this studying is helping you. You’ve certainly learned to…hold your own at the meetings.”

Jim grinned and flopped down on the couch. He knew Spock was talking about the way Jim always spoke up at the meetings. He’d gotten into the habit of forming a strong opinion on the reading –usually one that was the exact opposite of Spock’s (certainly _not_ just to get a rise out of him). This resulted in them loudly debating one another in the classroom that was something of a mix of disdain and sexual tension.

Everyone in the xenolinguistics club probably thought Jim and Spock hated each other. Well, everyone except Nyota, who knew the truth. They would always argue at some point during the meeting. Jim was loud and opinionated, usually practically standing in his seat. Spock was more reserved. He just fixated Jim with a glare and stated his own opinion in that icy tone of voice that made Jim shiver.

“This is what we will be discussing on Monday.” Spock scrolled on his padd and handed it to Jim. “It is some poetry in Vulcan. If you can translate it, we can get started.”

Jim groaned inwardly. He hated stupid Vulcan vocabulary. It was hard and confusing. Why couldn’t their club be doing something easy, like French? Spock would definitely wanna get it on if they were practicing French. Wasn’t that supposed to be the sexiest language, or something? He’d have to ask Nyota.

He didn’t really hate Vulcan, and he was actually pretty good at reading it, even if he couldn’t speak it worth a damn. He settled on the couch with his back to the armrest as his eyes skimmed the poem. It seemed pretty straight-forward, and he recognized almost all of the words from their vocabulary. Just as he was trying to form a nice argumentative opinion, he noticed Spock was watching him rather closely.

“What?” Jim blinked. “I’m reading as fast as I can.”

“It is…nothing.” Spock went to the kitchen and returned a moment later with tea for each of them, placing Jim’s on the coffee table in front of them.

“Well, anyways, I think this was obviously written sometime after the reform.” Jim looked back down at the padd.

“What makes you think so?” Spock didn’t look at him as he sipped his drink.

“It’s so plain. It’s got no substance. It’s too…direct.” He noticed the way Spock’s brows furrowed, and he was pleased that he seemed to have found the right opinion to strike a nerve with.

“I see…” Still, Spock’s eyes stayed forward.

“You know, cuz Standard poems always have a lot of imagery and metaphors. That kinda stuff makes you think. It paints a picture in your head. This Vulcan stuff is too direct. There’s no figures of speech. It tells it just like it is….”

“And that is…a bad thing?” Spock placed his cup on the table with a slight bit of force, and Jim noticed the way his free hand was clenched by his side.

“Well, without any purple prose…it’s not even poetry!” He tossed the padd onto the table and reached for his tea, taking a scalding gulp just to keep up the appearance of superiority.

When he looked up again, Spock was staring at him. His fist was still clenched at his side, and there was something else in his eyes that took Jim a second to decipher. Spock looked hurt. Had Jim really upset him with his words? He was only trying to get a rise out of him.

“But, it’s not all bad, really. Are…are you okay?” He sat up straight and leaned forward enough to place his hand on Spock’s. The tingling feeling was comforting after days of being apart, but Spock’s muscles did not unclench.

“Jim…” Spock looked away again, staring ahead but looking at nothing. “I must reiterate that I am very unexperienced in romantic relationships. I understand that our time spent together is few and far between, and thus, would not count in most human’s understanding of a romantic relationship. Therefore, I understand that you may not find our time to be completely fulfilling.”

The gears in his brain sped up, trying to understand what Spock was saying. Did he really think that Jim didn’t enjoy their time together? He was the one always pushing for more…more touching or just one more minute together.

“No, no.” Jim tightened his grip on Spock’s hand. “It’s really fulfilling. It’s great.”

“Yet you find yourself…still needing emotional and physical connections.” He didn’t say it like a question, but as a fact, and Jim felt guilty again.

“Well, maybe…I’m sorry if I’ve been pressuring you too much. Whatever you wanna do is fine. We can keep doing this how you want. The last thing I wanna do is pressure you into doing something.” He really meant it, despite the fact that this meant that they wouldn’t have sex again until who knows how long. But it was worth it. He never wanted to feel like he was pressuring Spock.

“Then you will continue to seek emotional and physical connections outside of our relationship?” Spock’s voice wavered, and he looked at Jim for the first time now. There was an unmistakable look of hurt under his stoic features. “Perhaps it is my own vault for not stating from the beginning that I value monogamy…”

“What the heck are you talking about!?” Jim recoiled slightly, yanking his hand back off Spock’s when the full implication of what Spock was saying finally sank in. He didn’t know whether to feel hurt or angry, but apparently his body chose for him. There was nothing in his voice but the broken sound of pain when he spoke again. “You think…that I’m cheating on you?”

He didn’t even know how he would go about that if he wanted to –which he didn’t! He was up at five almost every morning to either finish homework, or at least try and eat breakfast before class. Every second that he wasn’t in class, he was giving himself carpal tunnel trying to go the extra mile on his homework to be the top in his class to show off to Pike and to beat stupid Nyota…once a week he got to spend maybe an hour with Spock…and this was what gets thrown in his face?

“You deny it?” Spock’s voice was cold like ice still, and he showed no sign that he was sorry that he hurt Jim’s feelings. “Yet, you forget about the superior senses of a Vulcan, that show me you have been unfaithful.”

“What the heck are you talking about!?” He asked again. At first, he thought maybe Spock was just paranoid, but now he was saying he had evidence? Jim couldn’t for the life of him think of what it could be.

“You carry the artificial scent of another human.” Spock practically growled. “A certain human in particular…that friend of yours…” His voice deflated, trialing off as if was too hurt to continue.

Jim actually had to slap a hand to his mouth to muffle his screams of laughter. He squeezed his eyes shut as the tears pricking the corners of his eyes from pain now threatened to fall from laughter. He couldn’t stop long enough to breath, and he didn’t dare look at Spock. Not until he could explain.

“Spock…I didn’t sleep with him.” He reached out to grip Spock’s arm once more, looking up at him with desperation, as he needed to speak but the urge to laugh was overwhelming. “I just stole his cologne because I thought you’d like it!” He finally broke off laughing and sucked in a long breath. “Which…evidentially…you don’t.”

He finally stopped laughing long enough to breath, his body still shaking with a mixture of relief and elation. He slumped back onto the couch again, his back to the armrest.

“Jim…” Spock said after a moment, the verdant blush back on his face once more. “I am at a loss for words. I…apologize.”

“It’s fine! It’s fine!” Jim assured him, the adrenaline was draining from his body, leaving just relief in its wake. For an actual second, he thought Spock was either going to break up with him or murder him. “No harm done, really. At least now I know there’s no point in stealing Bones’ cologne again…”

In an instant, there was sudden weight pressing down on him. Spock had climbed over him on the couch, their bodies pressed together and Spock’s face inches from his own. His eyes were dark with something Jim didn’t dare try and identify now.

“It is just…” Spock reached up with the arm not supporting his weight and carefully let his knuckles trace along Jim’s jaw. “The thought of you ever lying with another…”

“You don’t ever have to worry about that. Ever.” Jim tried to drill this into his memory, the way it feels to have Spock on top of him, because who knows how long it’ll be before it happens again. He tried to memorize Spock’s scent, but he could only smell that stupid cologne mingling between them.

“You will never share yourself with another.” Spock whispered, lowering his face to press against Jim’s neck. Jim shivered both from Spock’s words, and the feeling of his breath on his skin.

“Never.” Jim agreed, desperate to keep this up for as long as possible. It felt like forever since their last time together. He wrapped his arms around Spock’s neck, pulling their bodies impossibly closer.

“You belong only to me.” Spock growled, and Jim suppressed a moan at the feeling of teeth grazing his skin. “You are _mine_.” His teeth harshly nipped at Jim’s neck and Jim couldn’t help but moan.

“Yes, yes…yours.” Jim rocked his hips upwards, desperate to feel Spock against him.

As soon as Spock pulled back enough, Jim’s hands went to either side of his face as he kissed him. It felt like so long since their last real kiss, but that time didn’t seem to matter now. It was just as before, their hot mouths together as their tongues mapped each other.

Jim wanted to drown in that taste. He would be perfectly happy with that. When they finally broke apart panting, Jim drove his hips upwards once more. He could feel Spock hard against him, but when Jim looked up at Spock again, he saw hesitation.

“What’s the matter? Do you wanna stop?” His voice was thick with lust, but he was willing to pull back if Spock wasn’t ready.

“No, I…” Spock turned his head just a fraction, his eyes no longer looking into Jim’s. “I am just unsure if I would like to continue to be on top.”

“Not a problem.” Jim grinned, reaching up to pull Spock’s face down once more for a kiss.

“But I would like to continue this…elsewhere.” Spock climbed off the couch and grabbed Jim’s wrist, pulling him towards the bedroom just as he’d done the last time.

He knew Spock was shy about initiating everything, and the thought was actually very endearing. He remembered how Spock reacted last time to every touch as if he’d never felt anything like it. It was so hot.

The bedroom was as clean as last time, with the bedspread smooth, and the desk neat with stacked paperwork. Jim briefly took notice of his sweater he’d left, folded nicely on the ottoman. He’d sort of forgotten it was there.

As much as he wanted to push Spock up against the wall and kiss him, he knew Spock needed them to take it slow, and Jim liked that too.

“Lay down…” Jim nudged Spock towards the bed and his heart slammed in his chest as Spock paused to undress down to his boxers before laying down on top of the covers.

Jim was thankful that the heating in Spock’s apartment was in overdrive as he stripped down as well before climbing onto the bed. Spock’s pale skin was very warm as Jim gently stroked his chest with his fingertips and watched the goosebumps form.

“Do you like this?” He asked. He made sure to ask constantly, never wanting to do anything that was too much.

“Yes, yes.” Spock actually sounded impatient as he moved beneath him.

Jim leaned down to kiss him once more, sliding his tongue into the heat of Spock’s mouth and savoring the rough texture of the Vulcan’s tongue. His hand moved across Spock’s chest faster, and Spock moaned into his mouth when Jim’s hand went lower.

“Jim…I need…” Spock’s breathing was ragged, but hitched in his throat as Jim let his fingers gently slide beneath Spock’s waistband and stroked through the dark hairs there.

“What is it?” Jim asked teasingly, knowing what he would say. “Is this what you want?” He moved his hand down to wrap around Spock’s erection. Spock moaned softly, but didn’t rock his hips up into Jim’s hand, not even when Jim started stroking him.

“Jim…” His hips twitched slightly, as if he were really suppressing the urge.

“What is it, baby?” he pulled his hand out. Spock reached over to the bedside table and rummaged in the drawer before pulling out something and holding it out for Jim to take. It was a small clear bottle.

“You got this for us? You went to the store and bought this?” Jim asked, his heart beating faster, and his arousal spiking at the thought of Spock going to some kind of sex shop and buying lube.

“Jim,” Spock’s husky voice brought Jim’s attention back to his face. “I want you…to penetrate me.”

“H-holy shit…” His mouth suddenly felt dry. He dropped his head down onto Spock’s shoulder, and let one hand stroke his chest once more, the other still holding the bottle. “Are…you sure?”

“Yes.” There wasn’t any hesitation in his voice.

“I’ve never done that before…” Jim whispered, his mouth still by Spock’s ear.

“Nor have I.” Spock gently touched the side of Jim’s face, and he pulled back to look at him once more. “If you do not want to…”

“No, no, I want to.” Jim assured him, shifting so that he could press his hardness against Spock’s hip. “I really want to…but I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“You will not hurt me.” Spock touched Jim’s face, letting his thumb trace across his cheek. “I wish for us to be truly connected…to feel you inside me.”

“Okay.” He swallowed, his mouth still dry.

He could feel his heart beating so fast in his chest, and he was sure Spock could feel it too. Of course he wanted this. He’d thought about it ever since their first night together, but he never knew which he’d be, the top or bottom. He was pretty versatile, but he was glad Spock made the call for him.

“I have researched how it is properly done, if you would like an explanation?” Spock said in what was bordering on his teacher voice.

“N-no, no, I think I got a general idea.” Jim chuckled, his face reddening as he leaned back on his knees to uncap the bottle and squirt some out into his hand.

In his own preparation, Spock wiggled out of his boxers and dropped them to the floor. Jim positioned himself between Spock’s legs again and reached down to let his slick fingers trace between his cheeks and against his entrance. His free hand was on Spock’s knee, drawing comforting circles against his skin.

“I know it is optimal to relax, but that is very cold.” Spock tensed beneath him, and Jim laughed.

Spock closed his eyes and relaxed into the touch as Jim gently stroked up and down. When he figured Spock was relaxed enough, he pushed in, his finger gliding in with minimal resistance. Spock sighed, gripping the sheets on either side of him.

“Shh…just relax. I’m gonna take care of you. I’m gonna make you feel so good…” Jim tried to go slow, gently working inside of him and secretly searching for a certain spot.

Spock did relax, his hands unclenching and soft moans escaping his lips. A moment later, Jim’s finger brushed against something that made Spock’s eyes go wide and a loud moan escape him. His hips moved as if on their own accord, making it somewhat difficult for Jim to keep the pace.

“You like that?” Jim used the other hand on Spock’s knee to gently spread his legs a little more.

“T’hy’la…that feels amazing…” Spock moaned, trailing off to whisper something in Vulcan that Jim was too preoccupied to translate. Jim reached for the lube again before adding a second finger, loving the noises Spock was making when he found that spot again.

“God, you look so fucking beautiful.” Jim whispered, looking down to where Spock was a mess beneath him. His hips rocked as he pushed back against Jim’s fingers. His face and chest were flushed a deep green.

“T’hy’la…” Spock whispered something somewhat urgently in Vulcan.

“What? What is it, baby? What do you need?” Jim asked, his fingers slowing in their movements.

“Jim…I need you to touch me.” Spock managed to get out.

“I am touching you.” Jim smirked, enjoying the chance to tease him. He knew what Spock really wanted. Jim’s eyes trailed down to where the tinged green head of Spock’s erection was beaded with precum.

“Please…” Spock’s voice was a desperate whimper.

Jim took pity on him, reaching down with his free hand to stroke his cock. Spock moaned softly, his hips going again. After letting the fingers inside him stretch him for a moment longer, and he was certain there was no pain, he withdrew both his hands from Spock’s body, leaving him to shiver and whimper at the loss.

“Shh…it’s okay.” Jim whispered, one hand going to Spock’s side reassuringly, while the other went to dug off his own boxers. “I know you’re close, but you can wait a little longer, right?” He reached for the lube and slowly slicked his own aching cock, before using one hand to spread Spock’s legs further and place the tip of his cock at Spock’s entrance.

“Please…” Spock whimpered again as Jim took the extra time to make sure they were perfectly aligned.

Spock moaned again as Jim gripped his hips before carefully pushing into him. Spock’s hips lifted off the bed as Jim inched in, before finally being fully sheathed inside him. His own moans came loudly as he leaned forward and pressed his face into the crook of Spock’s neck again.

“God…you feel so fucking good.” Jim moaned. He wanted to just fuck Spock until he came, but he knew he had to go slow. After another second to let Spock adjust, he slowly inched out and back in again, going deeper until he found Spock’s prostate again.

Spock tensed slightly beneath him, his eyes wide again as he pushed back against him. Jim knew Spock was getting close, so he purposely kept up a slow pace and leaned up enough so the head of Spock’s cock was no longer brushing against him.

“Jim…please…harder.” Spock’s voice was so hoarse, as if he’d been screaming.

“What was that, baby? What do you want?” Jim’s own orgasm was building deep in his core as he slowly thrusted in and out of Spock.

“Harder.” Spock actually growled, his hips snapping up with great force.

Just before he complied, Jim remembered something else he’d greatly wanted and had almost forgotten about. He dropped down again, so that he could feel Spock’s breath against his neck. “Bite me, Spock.” Jim said. “I want you to mark me.”

Spock was trembling beneath him, and Jim didn’t know whether it was from the weight of the request or from holding off his orgasm. “You are already marked by me.” Spock let his fingers move across the words on Jim’s arm.

“N-not where people can see.” It was an effort to hold back on orgasm now. “I can’t ever show my words to anyone. But I want something people can see. I want them to know I have a lover.”

He roughly pounded into Spock, reaching up with one hand to stroke him. With his mouth against Jim’s neck, he could feel Spock moan as he came, the hot cum coating Jim’s fist. A second later, his own orgasm shook him as he felt Spock’s mouth press against his skin, but instead of biting him, he only kissed him there gently.

Afterwards, Jim was still shaking a bit with the sensations of what had happened. He’d always sort of thought of himself as the experienced one, but he’d never been that far with anyone before. They’d just lost their virginities to each other.

He glanced sideways where Spock was laying back, just watching the ceiling. Not caring that it was a million degrees in here, and that Spock was even hotter, Jim rolled over and laid his head on Spock’s chest.

“Why didn’t you wanna bite me?” Jim asked, hoping the answer wasn’t that Spock didn’t ever want to hurt him. In a controlled situation, pain could be enjoyable.

“Do you truly want to walk around with a visible mark?”

“Yes.” He felt his face redden slightly.

“…Fascinating.” Spock answered after a moment.

Jim’s laughter soon turned into a yawn, but he didn’t feel like sleeping. “Do you got anything in the kitchen? I can cook us something.”

“I did not know you enjoyed cooking.” Spock sat up and started passing Jim his clothes from the floor.

“Yeah, but I never get to do it anymore.” He pulled on his shirt. “And I’m sick of eating from the cafeteria. I’m gonna make us real food for dinner.”

“That does sound enjoyable, though you should keep in mind that I do not eat meat.”

“Not a problem, baby.”

❖ ❖ ❖

Unlike last time, Jim didn’t leave the next morning. He and Spock stayed in bed until noon, before climbing out to take a shower. Jim had never showered with another person, but it was relaxing to have someone else wash his hair for him.

Finally, as night fell, Jim had to face the facts that Spock still had work to do, and as did Jim. Sometimes he hated himself for taking so many classes, but he knew he really did enjoy the challenge. After getting one last long kiss from Spock, he finally started back to his dorm.

“I take it your date went well?” McCoy asked as Jim unlocked the door.

“Don’t you ever do stuff?” Jim tossed his bag and jacket on the floor. “You’re literally always sitting there studying.”

“It’s fun for me.” He grunted in a way that made Jim think he didn’t mean it.

He groaned at the idea that he’d have to start his own homework and flopped down onto his bed to start it. He was halfway through an essay when his padd beeped with an email. When he glanced at it and saw it was from Spock, he thought it was just the club newsletter, until he saw he was the only recipient.

At first he thought the strings of unrecognizable characters was spam, until he realized it was actually some sort of code. He shoved his homework aside and started to decrypt it. After almost an hour, he was just about to email Spock that he was giving up, when he finally cracked it. The message then appeared in standard.

>> Jim, I have put the following message in code for the sake of privacy. Do not open it in public. Please fill out the list and send it back to me.

List? He scrolled down a bit and almost dropped his padd in his lap when he saw what it was. He glanced over at McCoy, who was typing on his computer and paying no mind to Jim, before looking back down at it.

>>Check which of the following items you would enjoy.

His eyes hungrily scanned down the list of sexual kinks. He immediately went to check next to biting, hoping it would make Spock understand how serious he’d been before. As he went down the list, checking some things and shuddering at others, he couldn’t help but appreciate Spock even more. His scientist side was definitely the reason for this, wanting to be efficient and formal, even with something like sex.

After sending the list back, (fully encrypting with his own code that he hoped Spock could crack) he mumbled something to McCoy about going to take a shower.

In the shower, he couldn’t help but think of he and Spock doing everything Jim had checked on the list. Hopefully Spock was interested in everything he selected. He also wondered if maybe Spock liked something that was on the list that he hadn’t disclosed. Maybe Jim should ask him to send back his own checked version of the list.

When he got back to the room, another message from Spock was waiting for him.

>>Thank you. I will take this into careful consideration in preparation for next week.

He’d never wanted a week to go by faster in his life.

❖ ❖ ❖

Spock was first in the classroom Monday morning as usual. Slowly, the other members of the club filed in and started pairing up. He tried not to stare and to ignore the fluttering feeling in his heart when Jim walked in. Jim spared him a glance and a small smile before taking his usual seat beside Cadet Chapel.

“Alright, well, did everyone like the poem?” Nyota asked, standing up to address everyone. There were a few enthusiastic yeses, but most people just shrugged.

“It was boring.” Jim said, raising his voice and leaning back in his chair. Half the group groaned in frustration at the indication of another loud argument. Jim was just looking at Spock with determination in his eyes.

“What part of the poem did you find…unenjoyable?” Spock tried to keep his voice even. The half of the group that was entertained by these outbursts looked back to Jim eagerly. Spock knew that Jim only disagreed with him to start an argument, but he couldn’t help but fall into it every time.

“Vulcans should just stick to science or something. They don’t know how to write poetry.” There were a few giggles and even one “oooh” as everyone looked to Spock for his retort.

“What makes you think that?” The usual iciness in his voice actual wavered. He tried to think of anything other than the past weekend as he looked into Jim’s captivating eyes.

“They’re too…literal. Vulcans can’t use very creative words.” Jim smirked.

“I can think of several creative words I would like to use….” Spock growled.

“Stop it! Just stop!” Their eye contact broke as they both looked to see Cadet Chapel standing, having dropped her textbook loudly onto the surface of the desk. “Do you have to do that every week!? I joined this club to become cultured, not listen to you two go at it!”

Spock recoiled slightly in shock, before looking around the room. Many of the students were nodding in agreement. Nyota looked as if she were desperately trying to keep from laughing.

“…Sorry.” Jim smirked again, before reaching for his own textbook and disappearing behind it.

“You know what they say,” a student near the back chuckled. “Hatred hides great affinity.”

“Shut up, Bob.” Jim didn’t look up from his book, his face flushed.

“Yes, well…” Spock cleared his throat. “Let us get back to the discussion…”

Spock was actually relieved when the meeting was over. The students leisurely walked out, some talking about grabbing breakfast before their next class. He noticed Jim was hanging back, as he did occasionally, but Nyota was as well.

“Christine is right, you know.” She said when they were the only ones left in the room. “No one likes hearing you two bicker like that. You’re ruining the club!”

“Ruining?!” Jim asked incredulously, a hand on his chest.

“Yes! Ruining _my_ club!” She jabbed a finger in his direction. “So, cut it out.”

“Fine.” Jim crossed his arms. “I was just trying to have a little fun.”

“Have fun on your own time.” Nyota swung her bag over her shoulder and started out the door.

“We do!” He called after her, as the door slammed behind her. “Do you think she’s right?”

“I have yet to find a time when she wasn’t.” Spock nodded.

“I was afraid you were gonna say that.” Jim sighed. Realizing they were alone in the room, his demeanor immediately changed. He gently placed a hand on Spock’s chest and smiled up at him. “So…have you thought about this weekend?”

“This weekend?” Spock’s eyebrows went up and he felt his cheeks flush.

“The Halloween party!” Jim chuckled, leaning into him. “Everyone’s going. You should come too. We could get you a costume that hides you ears, and no one would even know who you were.”

“I think I would prefer to stay in that night.” He was never one for crowded social gatherings. He was a little disappointed though, as it sounded like Jim wanted to attend the party rather than come over.

“Okay, then I’ll stay with you…” Jim wrapped his arms around Spock’s neck. “And we can have our own party…”

They had never kissed anywhere outside the privacy of Spock’s apartment. He was slightly apprehensive, but reminded himself that they were alone…and Jim was so inviting. Their lips met gently, and Jim deepened the kiss, tightening his grip around Spock’s neck and carefully slipping in his tongue.

Neither of them heard the door open, nor Cadet Chapel, until she started screaming. “I think I forgot –Oh my god!”

They jumped apart and spun to face her. She was just standing there, one hand on the doorknob, and one covering her mouth. Her face was red and her eyes were wide.

“Christine!” Jim said urgently, his hands out in front of him. “This isn’t what it looks like.”

“Oh…kay.” She slowly lowered her hand from her face, her eyes still on him. She crossed her arms and gave him a look, as if expecting him to explain.

Jim glanced sideways at Spock, desperation in his eyes. Spock was trying to keep his usual stoic expression, but he was sure he had something of the same look. Jim sighed before rolling up his sleeve and holding his arm out for her to see.

“Oh!” She gasped, before nodding in understanding.

“You cannot tell anyone.” Spock finally found his voice. “It is against the rules for us to have a romantic relationship.

“Please don’t tell anyone.” There was desperation actually in Jim’s voice now as he pushed his sleeve back down. “Please…please.”

“…Fine.” She nodded. “But you owe me a favor, Jim Kirk.”

“What?” He narrowed his eyes, before sighing. “Fine. I’ll talk to him again for you.”

“Thanks.” She darted over to the table and grabbed the book she’d forgotten, before leaving.

“What is it that she wants?” Spock asked, ignoring the unfounded feeling on dread in his gut.

“…I gotta get her a date with Bones.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on tumblr @frappuccinio


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one's asked, but just for clarification purposes: Jim's words are on his left arm and Spock's are on his right arm.

He feels warm and relaxed, but not sleepy. It could be from the tea, or the medicine Bones gave him, or maybe it was just because it was always warm in Spock’s house.

Earlier, Jim had been an absolute wreck. Exam week was here, and he didn’t feel prepared at all. He poured over one of the study guides for twenty minutes before he finally had to confront the fact that he didn’t know a single answer. He couldn’t find his notes for the class, and he’d actually rather die than ask Nyota for hers.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe, and sort of like he had before he’d passed out that time. McCoy noticed something was wrong and recognized it immediately as a panic attack. He gave Jim something for it and told him to relax for the rest of the night. He’d agreed (after much begging and promising of favors from Jim) to go to the Halloween party with Christine. He said since it was technically the weekend, the best thing Jim could do for himself was relax.

Jim wanted to relax, but staying in bed wasn’t the way. He didn’t know whether it was a mental link thing or what, but just before McCoy left, Spock messaged Jim and invited him over.

“I believe it will help you relax. Lay down.” Spock said from behind him in the doorway.

It has been the longest week of his life, and he does need to relax. The anticipation and excitement hammer on his insides as he undresses, dropping his clothes to the floor before laying down on the bed.

It doesn’t seem very sexy, and actually more like he’s in a doctor’s office, the way he’s lying stiffly on top of the sheets, with Spock coming to stand next to the bed as if observing him. He tries closing his eyes, but finds he’d rather watch Spock, who was padding back in forth beside the bed like a predator. Jim’s heartrate is back up again, but this time from excitement.

Spock stopped his strolling and turned again to face the bed. Jim’s breath catches in his throat when Spock raises one hand to hover somewhere over his middle.  “With your permission, I would like to lower my shields to be able to sense your emotions. This will ensure that I am able to sense that you are comfortable at all times. Are you alright with this?”

“Yeah sure…” He swallowed thickly.

A moment later, Spock’s hand lowers to rest on his stomach. He’s very aware of the tingle in the contact, but where it was always exciting before, now he’s a little afraid that it’s passing his thoughts along.

“Do not be apprehensive. We can stop at any time.” Spock’s hand strokes back and forth on his stomach, and he finds himself relaxing into it.

His arousal grows as Spock’s hand swoops lower, his fingertips just barely pushing under the waistband of his boxers. His breath quickens through his nose as Spock’s nails gently scrape across his skin, and then harder.

His hips are rocking slightly as the sharp pain of Spock’s nails seems to agree with every nerve in his body. He gasps when Spock’s other hand roughly grips his hip and holds it down against the bed, his fingers digging into the flesh and pressing it to the bone.

The hands suddenly withdraw from him and Jim opens his eyes without even realizing they’d been shut. Spock is just watching him again, and a second later, he reaches out to press his palm flat against Jim’s chest.

Jim knows he’s being read, but he can’t even tell what he’s feeling, let alone what Spock would feel. He sits up on his elbows just enough to look down at himself and see four thin red scratches that disappear beneath his waistband. His cock is also very hard, and he really wants to be touched. He tries to silently communicate that as best he can as he lays back down.

“You seem to find pain arousing.” Spock said after a long moment, his hand passing lower on Jim’s chest to press just above his hammering heart.

Jim doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he doesn’t. There’s a shift as Spock climbs onto the bed to sit beside him, stull fully clothes and cross-legged. His hand touches Jim’s chest again, and Jim tries to silently communicate annoyance at the lack of any real touching.

His entire body tenses up and he gasps audibly as Spock pinches one of his nipples. The pain dies down and Spock’s hand is flat against his chest once more.

“Are you trying to kill me?” Jim tries to sound annoyed, but his voice is low and husky.

“Lay back down.” Spock’s nails now scrape the skin above his heart.

His lays down again, eyes closed. The scrapes slowly get harder, until his hips are twitching again. The nails travel sharply across his chest and over his nipple, and it takes a conscious effort to stay down.

“Does this hurt?” Spock asks, his tone one of interest as if he were discussing some experiment.

“Yeah.” Jim says truthfully, his voice tense. And it does feel like Spock is trying to scrape his nipple off.

“Do you want me to stop?” His fingers pause in their movements, his nails still digging into Jim’s skin.

“No.” And he finds that he really doesn’t. He realizes how hard it must be for Spock to get a clear reading, with his feelings of pain clouding his arousal. But at the same time, the pain is the reason he’s so aroused.

“Fascinating…” Spock mumbles to himself almost inaudibly. Jim sort of wishes he had his own telepathy so he could tell what Spock was thinking.

He tenses, and this time he’s prepared when Spock pinches his nipple. His hands grip the sheets at his sides and he quickly stifles his noise of pain.

“Fascinating.” Spock says again, and while his brows are still furrowed in concentration, his voice is deeper, and there’s a hunger in his eyes when he looks up to meet Jim’s gaze.

It’s enough indication that Spock is turned on too, and Jim wonders if it’s second-hand, from his telepathy or from what he’s doing to Jim.

Without hesitation, Spock uncrosses his legs to lean over Jim. His hungry eyes move down Jim’s body, and he finds himself blushing under such an intense gaze.

“I am going to bite you now.” Spock says, his breath dancing hot on Jim’s skin.

He doesn’t get time to process this before Spock’s teeth nip the skin over his heart. It’s so good that his hips roll upwards, his cock straining against the fabric of his underwear. But it’s also so light, not enough to leave a mark. Just as he thinks this, Spock’s teeth sink in harder.

“Fuck!” It’s a noise of pain and arousal all at once, and his face flushes again as he realizes how loud that was. He’d been pretty good so far at not making any noise, but he’d never felt anything like _that_ before.

Spock pulls back and is looking down at Jim with that same mix of fascination and arousal. Jim is breathing heavy, his hips rolling up at nothing, silently begging for some sort of friction on his cock.

“It hurts you.” Spock’s fingers are lightly tracing the spot he’d just bitten.

“Yeah, but in a good way. It feels good…” He squirms impatiently, fulling aroused now and hating the too-light touches on his skin. “Do it again.”

Spock moves further down now, his breath warming the skin over one of his ribs, before biting down. Jim screams in pain as the softer flesh is pierced. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he’s aware that Spock probably has the strength to crack his rib if he wanted, and that only turns him on more.

He’s still breathing heavy when Spock pulls back. When his hand goes to routinely rest over his chest, Jim can’t stand it anymore. He reaches up and grabs Spock around the wrist.

“Stop…reading me.” He practically growls, his breathing still labored. “I can just tell you how I feel.”

“How do you feel?” Spock pulls his wrist from Jim’s grip, and Jim’s hand falls limply back onto the bed as Spock touches Jim lower now, his hand resting along his waistband. The scratches from earlier sting under the touch, and his very aware that it’s just inches from his throbbing cock.

“Horny –touch me, please.” His hips are moving of their own accord, and it takes him a second to realize he just begged, and he really shouldn’t have done that. Now Spock is looking at him what borders on that amused look of his.

“I _am_ touching you.”

“God…” Jim growls, his entire body flushing.

Horrible, horrible mistake. The whole thing.

Not only is this something like revenge for Jim’s slow pace last time, Spock is pretty much guaranteed to be even better, considering he could use his telepathy to sense exactly when to stop and start to get whatever reaction he wants.

And now that Jim’s begged once, Spock probably thinks he’ll do it again. Which he won’t.

“I’m not gonna beg.” Jim says firmly, and he succeeds in keeping his voice from shaking.

“We will see.” Spock’s fingers slip just under his waistband and into the dark curly hairs there. “I seem to recall that you selected begging as one of the things you enjoy on the list.”

Had Jim really selected that? He couldn’t remember. There wasn’t enough blood in his brain for him to think back that far…but it did very much sound like something he would select.

He gasped and moaned as Spock starting rubbing him over his underwear. He rocks his hips up into the touch, the roughness of the fabric making up for the lightness of the touch. Just when he thinks he wouldn’t mind coming in his underwear, the touching stops.

A few steady breaths keep him from whimpering. He opens his eyes and fixates Spock with a deliberately defiant look.

Wasn’t the entire point of this to relax him? He was all wound up worse than before now. He was frustrated as hell now, and all of his scratches seemed to be stinging again.

Spock starts touching him again, alternating between feather light touches and firm grips. In a surprising moment, his hand disappears beneath Jim’s boxers and actually wraps around his cock. Jim barely has time to enjoy it, before the hand draws back.

He growls, all of his frustration pouring out in the way his fists angrily knot in the sheets. He’s vaguely aware that Spock is reading him again, his hand resting over the bite mark on his side. It hurts in that good way. His whole body hurts…his cock hurts. He needs to be touched.

Jim knows he’s losing the fight. He isn’t going to get anything unless he begs. But Jim Kirk didn’t beg for anything. Especially not from someone, who just last week had been begging _him._

This time he doesn’t react when Spock’s hand wraps around him again. He keeps his expression even and, with great difficultly, his hips still. Maybe if he keeps his breathing even and tries not to think about it, Spock’s won’t be able to tell when he’s close.

He thinks it’s working. Spock strokes him faster and harder. His hips twitch, but with great effort he manages to keep them still. He loses himself as the burning feeling coils in his core. His head rolls back and his deep breathing just barely masks a moan. Just as he’s about to tip over the edge and come, the hand draws back.

“No! God…Spock…” Jim whines. His hips are rocking full force now, and the touch of the fabric on his cock could just almost send him over the edge.

“Do you wish to come?” Spock’s fingertips brush along the underside of his cock, while his other hand grips his hip and holds it down to the mattress.

“Yes.” He growls, his hips twitching against the restraint.

“Then all you need to do is ask.” The fingertips stroke a little harder.

“I need it…” His voice is so hoarse. “I need to come…” He deliberately doesn’t phrase it as a question, but Spock catches onto this.

“If you cannot ask properly…” His hand pulls back. “Then perhaps we should stop. You can get dressed, and we can go into the other room and do something else. Perhaps a nice game of chess to take your mind off of it…”

He has no idea if Spock is bluffing or not, but he doesn’t wanna risk it. It addition to the bite marks, he’s sure there’s also going to be a bruise on his hip where he’s pushing up into the restraint.

“…It hurts.” Jim managed to say. And it did. His balls were aching and his cock was throbbing.

“Jim, I thought you liked pain.” Spock’s lips twitched as his fingers went back to teasing touches.

“ _Please…_ ” His voice breaks. He squeezes his eyes shut as his body flushes again. “Please, Spock…please let me come…please.”

Spock moves so fast that Jim doesn’t even have time to process it. He leans down, yanking off Jim’s boxers and swallowing his cock in one motion. Jim moans, his entire body on fire. Spock’s tongue slides up and down Jim’s cock, and Jim’s moans turn into a scream as he comes.

Spock’s swallows around him, and Jim feels like his orgasm lasts forever. All of his muscles tense as his entire body rolls with pleasure.

He’s still gasping as Spock pulls off of him. Spock then moves up and gently collapses onto him. It’s a strange feeling, to be draped and covered by Spock, who’s still fully clothed.

He can feel Spock panting too, his breath hot against Jim’s ear. Jim shifts beneath him, experimentally arching his hips up against Spock’s and hissing at the sensitivity. Spock’s breath catches in the same sort of way, and Jim isn’t really sure how he knows, but he’s pretty sure…

“Did you…” Jim manages to find his voice. “Did you come too?”

There’s another few seconds of heavy breathing in his ear, before Spock answers. “A rather…fascinating sensation. I believe my shields may have lowered a bit more than I intended…”

Jim chuckled, wrapping his arms around Spock and pressing their bodies together, breathing in his scent. “You know, I think all of this did help…I feel super relaxed…even if I didn’t get the one thing I wanted.”

“And what is that?”

“You didn’t bite me where other people can see it…” Jim tried not to whine.

“You really wanted that?” Spock sounded just as fascinated as before.

“Yeah…”

Afterwards, he still doesn’t move out from under Spock. He finds Spock’s hand and laces their fingers together. These past few weeks, he sort of realized he was falling in love.

“Hey, Spock.” He started hesitantly.

“Yes, Jim?”

“…You make a good blanket.”

He can’t say it now, as much as he wants to, and as much as he feels it. Saying it after sex just didn’t feel right. It made it feel like an afterthought of the pleasure, instead of what it truly was.

No, he’d save it. But he’s say it eventually….he would say it.

❖ ❖ ❖

It’s late at night when Jim is observing the bite mark on his neck in the small mirror on the wall in his dorm room. He figures someone would only be able to see half of it over the collar of his uniform, but that’s enough for them to get the full picture.

He hastily pulled the collar of his t-shirt up as he heard the door open. McCoy walked in and glanced his way. As soon as their eyes met in the mirror, McCoy’s grin told him everything.

“She was the one, wasn’t she?” Jim turned around, still adjusting his collar.

“Yeah…yeah, she was.” He said, still grinning.

“I knew it. I called that like three weeks ago.” The good mood was infectious, and they were both laughing as Jim laid down on his bed. “So, how was the party?”

“We didn’t actually go to the party…”

“Ooh.”

“No, it wasn’t like that either.” McCoy’s usual grumpiness was coming out again. “We both decided that we didn’t wanna go to the party, so we went somewhere to eat. It was nice and _quiet_.”

“I was wondering why you were back so early and sober.” Jim closed his eyes and absentmindedly let his fingers trace over the bruise on his neck.

“I came back because I have to study before bed. I thought that was why you came back at all. I figured you’d stay at Spock’s.” He sat down at his usual spot at the computer desk and started pulling out his study materials.

“Eh…” It was true that he came home early with every intention to use this weekend to study, but he couldn’t bring himself to reach for his bag. He was too busy still living in what felt like a cloud of bliss.

“…How do you feel?” McCoy asked in his doctor voice.

“Fine.” Jim turned towards McCoy so he could see the seriousness on his face. “I’m fine now, really.”

“If the medicine helped, I can get you a real prescription. You just have to come with me down to –“

“I’m not going with you anywhere…I don’t wanna talk to anyone about it. I’m fine, really.” He sat up in bed and reached for his bag, figuring he could at least use homework as a means for distraction.

“So, tell me about Christine.” Jim opened one of his textbooks to a random chapter and pretended to read, when really he was watching McCoy.

“You know her.” He turned slightly red.

“Not like you do, apparently.” Jim chuckled. “You know, I still have no idea what your words say…”

“That’s cuz I don’t parade around half-naked, like some people.” McCoy turned redder still, but didn’t look up. “Nice bite mark, by the way. Better hope Vulcans aren’t venomous.”

Satisfied that his mark got attention, even if it was from McCoy, he finally looked down at his textbook and really started to read. It was true that he was feeling a lot better, like he really could do this, but whether it was from the medicine or from spending time with Spock, he didn’t know.

Either way, now he could at least look at his exam schedule without feeling like he was going to puke.

❖ ❖ ❖

“You have sixty minutes. You may begin.” Spock started up and down the aisles of the classroom.

He’d spent the weekend revising the exam until he was sure it was up to par, containing content from every chapter covered.

He listened for the sounds of pencils on scantrons, but there was a long moment before someone marked their first answer. He was momentarily concerned that his constant revisions may have made the exam too difficult, before it occurred to him that perhaps his constant pacing was making the students nervous.

He took his seat at the desk in the front, fingers tented, and watched carefully for any signs of academic dishonesty. He had no patience for cheaters in his classroom.

His attention wavered as the minutes went on. The only sounds in the room came from the shifts of students adjusting their papers…someone sniffling…the scratching of pencils.

Scratching…

His eyes closed for longer than a blink. He snapped them open and scanned the room. Someone coughed. Someone flipped their paper. Someone erased an answer. Someone wrote an answer…their pencil scratching…

Scratching…

Were his eyes open?

Scratching…that noise…his nails scratching on Jim’s skin. The noise Jim made…

His eyes snapped open again. He shifts slightly in his chair, blushing. No one seems to have noticed. It would be so unprofessional to fall asleep, even when he wasn’t teaching.

He stands up and resumes pacing the aisles. The movement gets his blood flowing, and his mind buzzing again. He notices the few students who have reached the essay portion stop writing when he approaches their desk.

Spock glances down at the nearest paper. Their answer is wrong. Their pencil stops moving as they realize he’s behind them. They lean over their desk, obscuring their paper with their arm. He resumes pacing.

He sits at his desk again. The clock says only twenty minutes have passed. Meditating at his desk is not the same as falling asleep. He considers it, before he realizes it would be very difficult. He doesn’t have his incense, and a deep inhale only smells like floor lacquer and eraser.

Still, his eyes close and his breathing evens out. Someone shifts their paper…the scratching of pencils lulls him in…scratching.

His nails on Jim’s skin…the noises Jim made…Jim begging him…begging.

Spock’s eyes snap open again, and he jolts back a bit, his chair scraping on the floor. No one seems to have noticed.

He can’t fall asleep. Not here and now, especially if his thoughts were going to stray in that direction. Why were they? Was it because he was tired? He’d woken up early to print off the exams and collect the scantrons. Was it because he skipped his morning tea?

He doubted that was it. Why couldn’t he stop thinking about Jim? He’d last seen Jim three days ago. He’d left Friday night to study for exams, as opposed to spending the night as usual.

In addition, the club meeting had also been cancelled due to exam week. Could he really be suffering from some sort of withdrawal? Highly illogical.

There’s a buzz as his phone vibrates on top of the desk. A couple of students look up in surprise. He hastily reaches for it to put it on silent...just as he’d instructed all of the students to do before the test.

He unlocks it, and sees it’s a message from Jim. The cellular messages weren’t monitored by the school the way emails were, so Spock was hesitant with giving Jim his number, in case Jim decided to be irresponsible with it.

So far, Jim only ever messaged him for innocent things. Date and time confirmation for their evenings together…occasional idle conversation…

>> I just got out of my first exam. You’re a teacher…I gotta tell you, trick questions are evil and if you ever use them then we can’t be friends anymore.

Spock glances up at the class. Everyone is hunched over their papers. The only sound is the scratching of pencils. He tunes it out.

|| I was just thinking about you.

He isn’t sure what compels him to send that, other than it being the truth. His heart hammers as the seconds stretch on before there’s a reply.

>> You were thinking about me? That’s actually sort of romantic.

|| I should not be thinking about you. I am in the middle of observing an exam.

He watches the screen as Jim messages him several times in quick succession.

>> Wait. What’s wrong with thinking of me??

>> UNLESS

>> it’s dirty thoughts O:

>> Quick, don’t think about my dick.

Spock blushes and quickly looks up from the screen. No one is paying him any mind.

|| Stop this. I told you that I am supposed to be observing the exam.

>> Then tell your brain to stop thinking about my dick. Or my…

>> I don’t know what do you like ??

>> My ass.

>> You’re lucky I’m distracted and eating lunch or else I’d be able to think of something good.

It would be so easy to turn off his phone until the exam is over, but he cannot bring himself to do so. Perhaps he knows sitting in silence will only make it worse.

He does sit in silence for several moments, Jim apparently having lost interest in the conversation. He should feel relieved. He should not feel longing. His heart should also _not_ leap with excitement when Jim does text him back.

>> Okay I finished lunch and practically ran back to my room. It’s empty cuz Bones is still doing one of his tests.

> So guess what I’m gonna do ??

|| You should use this free time to study for your next test.

>> Nope.

>> I’m gonna touch myself and think about you.

Spock blushes again, looking back up at the class just in time to see a few people flip their tests over. No one is looking at him.

>> Remember friday night? That was so hot.

>> I bet you really thought you were all that when you finally got me to beg.

>> You liked it even more than I did, practically.

>> You should really check begging on your list when you send me your version.

>> Which you will be doing very soon.

>> It’s really hard to type one handed.

>> Did you like it when I was begging you? You came without even being touched…just from sensing me.

Spock shifts in his seat to move closer to he desk. The legs of the chair scrape the floor, but he doesn’t look up to see if anyone noticed.

>> Those bite marks are still there. I saw someone staring at the one on my neck today when I was in the test.

>> You know what else I keep thinking about? When you were scratching me.

Spock’s breath catches in his throat. He can’t look away from the screen. The sounds of scratching pencils seem to fill his ears.

 || Jim

He sends the message prematurely. He wanted to tell Jim to stop. Spock needed to focus. This was highly inappropriate.

>> I wish you were here. I bet you could come again just from touching me.

>> Or what if I touched you?

>> What if I scratched you? Would you like that?

|| I do not know.

Spock tastes blood where he’d been biting his lip without realizing it. He tries to take a cleansing breath, but it comes out very shaky. Every student seems to have reached the essay portion of the test. All he can hear is scratching. Was it possible to go insane in only sixty minutes?

>> Do you wish you were with me?

|| Yes.

How much longer was this exam? He tore his eyes away from the screen and looked at the clock. The numbers swam before his eyes and he couldn’t read.

>> God I bet you look so hot right now. Are you turned on baby?

|| Yes.

He needed to turn his phone off…he needed to be with Jim.

>> Poor horny Spock is sitting in class.

>> Now you know how I feel half the time.

He was going to die. He wasn’t sure how, but he was. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t look away from the screen.

>> I’m gonna come for you baby.

There’s a low growl in his throat just as there’s a loud ringing in his ears. His phone slips from his grip and clatters loudly on the desk.

What was that noise? His face is burning as he looks to the clock. The bell is ringing. The exam is over.

“Please stack your papers on the table by the door as you leave…” He manages to say. 

No one looks his way. There’s only the scraping of desk chairs as students gather their things and head to the door. They all seem just as eager to leave as Spock is to see them go.

Finally, the last student slams the door behind them as they leave. He’s left alone. He has ten minutes at best before the next examination.

Spock grabs his phone and briefcase and almost runs out of the room. His office is adjacent to the classroom. He punches in the access code and leans back against the door once he’s inside.

He drops his briefcase and undoes his trousers. With shaking breath, he sinks to the floor. He doesn’t understand how this could have happened, but he needs it.

With every fiber of his being, he curses Jim low under his breath.

He hates Jim.

He loves Jim.

 

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my fave kink makes an appearance. also feels.

 

“Stay on your side, so it’s even.” Nyota rolled up the sleeves of her shirt and passed Jim a brush. “It has to look right, so stay in the pencil lines I drew.” They were each sitting on opposite ends of a long roll of paper spread across the classroom floor.

“I know how to stay in a line, Ny.” Jim rolled his eyes and took the brush.

He had no idea how he got roped into helping her make decorations, but hanging back after the last club meeting to flirt with Spock seemed to be his initial downfall. With just the three of them in the room, he couldn’t say no when she asked. Apparently Spock could though, as he said he had a prior commitment. Jim had a feeling that was a lie to get out of helping, but he’d never known Spock to lie before.

“What are these for again?” He rolled up his own sleeves and dipped the brush in the paint before carefully starting on the banner.

“I told you. It’s for recruitment. When students come to the recruitment meeting to see if they want to join the club for the spring semester, we’ll have an advantage. In addition to decorations, Gaila’s helping me make snacks and stuff…I got the idea from one of the people that runs the Model Federation Club.”

“Model Federation…” He chuckled. “Even bigger nerds than this club. Well, you’re actually on the right track with snacks. Nothing bribes people like free snacks.”

“I just need a few more members to make up for the people who might leave. I don’t want people to leave, though.” She sighed. “If too many people leave the club, they’ll shut it down.”

“Don’t worry, no one’s gonna leave. They like it. They’re nerds!” He chewed his lips nervously as he bent back over the banner.

He’d actually wondered whether he was going to remain in the club next semester. On one hand, he liked spending time with Spock. On the other, there was waking up early…and doing the readings…Not to mention that by next semester, he and Spock’s relationship would be approved, so they wouldn’t need an excuse like the club to see each other.

“You liked it, right?” She looked over at him, the end of her ponytail swaying dangerously close to the wet paint. “You had fun…it’s a fun club, right?”

“Uh…” He looked back down at the banner, his knuckles whitening on the grip of the brush. “It’s very…informative.”

“Great.” She growled. “You hate it, and everyone else hates it, and they’re all gonna quit!”

“Will you relax?” He hissed as a few flex of paint went outside the lines. “I’m just not cut out for clubs. I can’t stand authority…it’s why I always argue with you and Spock.”

“Oh, wow, good thing you’re not a low ranking Cadet.” She said sarcastically.

“Maybe now.” He grinned. “But someday soon, I’m gonna be in charge. Captain has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

“I think that’s very…ambitious of you.” She looked very much like she was trying not to laugh. He wanted to be annoyed, but he found himself laughing too. She always managed to do that to him.

“Be nice to me, or I won’t let you on my ship!” He jabbed his brush in her direction, and she gasped as flecks of paint landed on her clothes and face.

“Stop! You’re gonna mess up the banner!” The death-like glare she sent him told him she was serious.

“So, how did Spock wiggle out of helping?” He was still grinning as he went back to work.

“He had a meeting with the Academic Honesty Council. He caught a Cadet cheating on the midterm.”

“Really?” Jim looked up in surprise. “Doesn’t the guy know the first rule of cheating is…don’t get caught?” He tried to imagine a scenario when he’d ever actually cheat in school…well, maybe if the test was really unfair.

“It’s not funny.” She rolled her eyes. “Spock was really mad. He hates cheaters.”

“I know.” Jim chuckled again.

“Wait…what do you mean?”

“It’s just…a couple of weeks ago, we were gonna hang out. I stole some of my roommate’s cologne, and when Spock smelled it on me, he thought I’d been cheating.” He couldn’t help but laugh at the memory.

At the time, Spock was mortified once he realized he was wrong, but Jim forgave him without much thought. The way he saw it, it was proof that Spock wanted to be serious. Not to mention that the possessiveness was actually pretty hot.

After a second, he realized Nyota’s brush wasn’t moving anymore. He glanced up and she was just staring at him. “So…you’re still seeing each other…privately?”

“Yes.” He said through gritted teeth as he realized where this was going. “And I really don’t need you to tell me it’s against the rules, because I _know_ it is, and I don’t care.”

“But Jim –“

“I said I don’t care.” He jabbed his brush onto the paper with more force than necessary. “I already get hell from Bones about it like every day, and neither of you can change my mind. I can’t not be with him…”

 _“I love him._ ” He thought to himself. He’d yet to be able to say those words to Spock, but he was positive of them now.

“It’s your life, and you can ruin it however you want.” She looked very much like she wanted to argue, but just went back to painting.

“Thanks…it’s just, Bones acts like we’re being so irresponsible, but he doesn’t really get it. No offense, but you don’t either.”

“Don’t I?” She asked incredulously.

“No, you don’t. You’ve never been in…” He paused, his face flushing and his hand still over the banner.

“In love?” She finished for him, her voice both compassionate and full of amusement. “I haven’t. Maybe you’re right…”

“See?” He was surprised to hear her say that, but ran with it anyways. The small victory of being right spurred him on more. “And not just that. I mean, we’re soulmates. Soulmates. They’re laws and stuff to protect our right to be together. If the school board wants _more_ proof, we’ll just tell them about our mind link thing, and maybe they’ll –“

“What!?” Nyota jerked her arm back in shock, nearly knocking over the can of paint, which teetered ominously for a moment. “You’ve been linked? How…when?!”

“It was an accident.” He suddenly felt a great need to defend it, even if he didn’t understand it. “It just happened. Spock said it was because we had compatible minds…”

“But how does something like that just happen?”

“If you _must_ know…it happened when we slept together.” He felt so weird about saying that to her, but not as weird as he felt with the way she was just staring at him.

“Don’t you know what that means?”

He shook his head. All he knew was that despite it, they still couldn’t read each other’s minds.

“According to Vulcan law…you’re married.”

“…No way.” He dropped the wet brush onto the banner as he started laughing. Pure unfiltered excitement and amazement was coursing through him. There was only a small bit of disappointment at the fact that they missed the chance for one of them to pop the question.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembered that first time together, and how Spock told him that marriage was a big commitment. “Why…didn’t he tell me?”

“He might not see it that way. Spock is very serious about Vulcan tradition. Because the link wasn’t done on Vulcan in an official ceremony, he might not even see it as an official marriage.”

“But it is?” His heart was still hammering with excitement.

“If you go to Vulcan and tell them you’re linked, legally, they’ll see you as married. I’m not entirely sure what the laws are about that on Earth, though.” She went back to painting as if it was nothing.

“So, Spock was right…I mean, this will help our case. We tell the school board that we’re already hitched, and –“

“You can’t tell them that!” She made a noise somewhere between exasperation and anger. “How’s that going to look to them, that you got linked when you weren’t even supposed to be seeing each other? Where are you going!?”

He’d stood up and was now unbuttoning the smock he’d been wearing to protect his clothes. “I gotta go…” He prayed Spock was out of that meeting by now. He really needed to talk to his boyfriend…his husband.

“That’s how it is then.” She sighed. “You know…you were both friends with _me_ first, and now I hardly ever see either one of you.”

“I’m sorry…” He paused, one arm hanging out.

She was sort of right. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d actually hung out. She’d asked him to study for midterms a few times, but he’d always been busy. Plus, he’d been a little paranoid at the time that she just wanted to check his notes to see how much better she was doing in the class than he was.

“It’s okay, really, go talk to Spock.” She chuckled, standing up to get a better look at the banner. “You sort of messed up your side of the banner anyways, but I can fix it. You just have to promise that you’ll help me set up for the recruitment meeting, and you and Spock will both come and talk to the interested students about how fun the club is…okay?”

“Yeah, sure, I don’t have a problem with lying.” He laughed and barely dodged the paintbrush she threw at him as he darted out of the room.

Married…

They were really married…and, he was oddly excited about it. All of the stuff he thought of when they first met and he thought they’d get married…waking up together, making dinner together…it was all sort of already happening now anyways.

Married…

He wondered if Spock saw it that way, and was just keeping the reality of it hidden from Jim. The idea that he _didn’t_ see it as a real marriage because it’d happened involuntarily and not in a real ceremony was actually dejecting.

Once outside on the quad, he reached in his jacket for his phone. Spock had informed Jim that he was going to block his number to keep from receiving any more inappropriate messages, but Jim really hoped he wasn’t serious.

>> Are you still in that meeting? I need to talk to you, it’s super important!

He took a seat on the edge of the ornate fountain in the quad as he waited for a response. His feet kept jiggling, the nerves making it impossible to sit still.

|| I am. It will be another hour at least. I apologize for this inconvenience.

>> UGH!!

>> Okay but this is kind of a big deal so…can I have the access code to your place to wait for you?

He half expected Spock to refuse, but he grinned to himself when Spock agreed and sent him the code. It was also followed by a wall of text that Jim merely skimmed and got something akin to “do not share this code with anyone, and I expect you to be responsible and behave yourself in my apartment blah blah blah.”

There was also something else that took Jim by surprise.

|| Vulcans do not worry, but I am merely concerned. This important matter, is it something good or bad?

>> It’s good. I think it’s really good, actually. I hope you think so too…

Jim walked to Spock’s place and put in the code, only half expecting it to work. It was sort of strange to be all alone in Spock’s apartment. There was still the faint smell of incense as well as something else he couldn’t place.

He hung his jacket up instead of tossing it on the floor and decided to take a quick snoop around. There wasn’t anything scandalous in Spock’s medicine cabinet or under the bed.

He sat down at the computer and after a few tries, was able to crack the password. He wasn’t really expecting anything scandalous there either, but his interests immediately perked up when he noticed something in the internet history.

Buried under pages and pages of research, was evidence of research of a different kind. It was all about different sexual kinks and how they could best be performed with a partner.

Half of him wanted to keep looking, as if desperate to finally found out exactly Spock was into, while another part of him thought this was too private. Still, it had to be okay. It wasn’t like Spock ever acted particularly shy about that.

“And he didn’t even use a private browser…” Jim chuckled to himself as he scrolled down. “Come on, man…”

There were a few pages on anal sex and exactly how it was done. It was full of so many big words and diagrams to the point that it wasn’t even sexy anymore.

Deciding to do a little research of his own before Spock came home, he opened a blank search page and after pondering for a moment on what to say, just typed in “Vulcan porn.”

The first page was entirely in Vulcan. Apparently he’d been truthful when he’d told Nyota that her club was informative. He found that he had a pretty good grasp on the Vulcan language, and was able to understand majority of it, occasionally skipping over words he didn’t know.

“Hands!?” He nearly choked, leaning forward in his chair until his nose almost brushed the screen. Why didn’t he think to do this kind of research before? According to this page, the hands and fingers were one of the most sensitive parts of a Vulcan’s body, which was one of the reasons they kissed with their hands.

He would definitely have to remember that for when his _husband_ came home. Husband. He zoned out for a moment, smiling like a dork. Snapping out of it, he decided to go into the kitchen and distract himself by cooking something for Spock.

A little while later, he was in the middle of stirring brownie batter, when the door opened. Jim gave him a small wave before wiping his batter-smeared hand on his apron.

“How was the meeting? Did that guy get expelled?”

“I do not know. It was not up to me. Admiral Barrett will make the final decision.” Spock’s eyes did not leave Jim, even as he set his briefcase down on the coffee table. “What are you making?”

“Come taste and see.” Jim gave it one last stir and held the spoon up as Spock approached.

Spock looked at the dripping spoon for a moment, blinking as if in contemplation. Jim’s arm was starting to hurt from holding it up. “Vulcans are not normally supposed to eat chocolate.”

“Oh…” His arm fell dejectedly, the spoon hitting the batter and splashing it onto the counter. “Well, I can make something else…This probably wouldn’t be that good…I had to replicate most of the ingredients.” He wasn’t sure why he felt so down now. He’d just had such a nice idea of the two of them eating brownies and talking about their marriage.

“I should rephrase. Vulcans can eat chocolate; it just has a certain effect on us.”

“What kind of effect?” Jim swiped at his face with the back of his hand, unknowingly leaving a chocolate smear on his cheek that Spock’s eyes were immediately drawn to.

“One not unlike the effect alcohol has on humans.” Spock answered somewhat quietly, as if anticipating the emotional outburst.

“Woah, really!? You meet you’ll get drunk?” Jim’s eyes practically gleamed. “Then you have to eat some! Only…if you want, I mean.”

Spock looked down at the bowl for another moment. “Perhaps it would be best to wait until it after it is fully cooked. In the meantime, we can discuss the important issue you mentioned.”

“Okay…” Jim’s nerves spike up again as he poured the batter in a pan and put it in the oven. He set the timer and realized that he had about half an hour to get it all out. “Okay…” he said again, taking a nervous breath as he undid the chocolate stained apron and hung it over the back of the pantry door.

“Jim,” Spock seemed to sense his nervousness. “You said this was something good.”

“I think it is.” Jim nodded, unable to stop a small smile from forming on his lips. “Go change, and then I’ll make us some tea and we can talk.”

Spock looked at him one last time before reluctantly departing to the bedroom. Jim tried his best to make tea the way he’d seen Spock do before, and when it was does, the place was filled with the aroma of relaxation as well as chocolate.

He placed the tea and honey on the coffee table and sat down just as Spock emerged from the bedroom wearing soft pants and a sweatshirt with the Starfleet logo on it.

“Cold?” Jim asked, unable to think about anything but how adorable Spock was.

“It is winter…I am always cold.” Spock stirred honey into his tea, the sleeves of his sweatshirt covering his fingers like paws.

That’s my husband…

“Okay, so…listen,” Jim didn’t even try to hide the fact that he couldn’t stop smiling.

He paused again to collect his thoughts. It all stemmed from that first night together, he knew. What was it that Spock had said? Their minds were so completely compatible that they felt it in their skin…

They’d been sitting just like this, sharing tea and battling wits over chess. Jim remembered the actual physical ache from wanting to kiss Spock…he remembered it like it was yesterday because he was feeling it again right now. He ducked down and hid his blush by taking a scalding sip of tea.

“Jim…” Spock’s voice was soft as he stopped his stirring. “What is it?”

“Okay…” He gasped a bit, his tongue still burning. He placed his tea cup down onto the saucer with a clatter. He couldn’t look into Spock’s eyes without becoming some sort of flustered mess, so he settled for starring fixated at a spot just over his left ear. “So, do you remember after our first…time together, when you said our minds got linked?”

“Yes.” Spock said.

“And today, I was talking to Nyota, and I told her about it.” His hands started to shake, rattling his cup in its saucer. “And she said that since we’re linked, it means we’re married.” He took another gulp of tea, scalding his tongue once more, and doing little for his nerves.

When he placed his shaking hands back on the table, Spock’s immediately went to cover them. The shaking stopped and Jim’s eyes were finally able to meet Spock’s.

“Jim, you do not have to worry.” Spock said calmly. “She is wrong.”

“She’s –wrong?” Jim felt like his heart was being shattered, but he maintained a neutral expression.

“While Nyota does have an excellent grasp on the language, her knowledge of Vulcan social customs is still lacking.” Spock pulled his hands back to gesture, and Jim quickly moved his own hands to his lap in case another touch would have his telepathically read.

“She’s wrong?” Jim repeated, keeping his eyes glued to the spot above Spock’s ear and begging himself not to shake.

“She had an educated guess, but she is missing important elements. You see Jim, when Vulcan children reach the approximate age of seven, they are betrothed to one another so that they will have a mate once they reach maturity. These betrothals are made by finding two young Vulcans of compatible minds and linking them in a ceremony.”

“That happen to you?” He had to ask softly, for it felt like there was a lump in his throat causing it to close up. He took another drink and found that it almost wouldn’t go down.

“Yes. My father’s work on Vulcan is very important, giving my family a somewhat...higher social ranking. A ranking that was tarnished some when my brother disgraced the planet. This…coupled with my undesirable biology, made finding a mate for me quite a feat for my parents.”

“What?!” Jim nearly rose up from his sitting position. “There’s _literally nothing_ undesirable about you.”

“Thank you, Jim.” Spock gave him a soft look. “My peers did not see it this way, and in the end, the only suitable match my parents could find was a very…unkind Vulcan girl.”

“Hold on…” Jim was starting to feel a bit sick. “You’re not still…betrothed to her, are you?”

“Of course not.” Spock turned slightly green at the accusation. “I wanted it terminated as soon as I knew of you.”

Jim felt as if the broken shards of his heart were magically flying back into place and repairing themselves. He placed his hands back onto the table and Spock covered them with his own once more.

“Wait, so, still what does this mean?” Jim asked.

“When these betrothals are done,” Spock continued. “They are done in ceremonies performed by elders. It seems as if our minds were so compatible, that they were able to bond on their own.”

“So…we’re not married. Just engaged?”

Engagements were nice. They meant rings, if you were traditional. Jim didn’t really think he and Spock were that traditional.

“These bonds have little-to-no legality on Earth.”

“But on Vulcan?” Jim prompted. “I mean, if we went to Vulcan right now and, I don’t know…tried to lease a house. Would we have to say we’re engaged on the form?”

“The landlord would have no way to know if we were telling the truth. It would take a separate individual to delve into our minds and check for certain that the bond was there, in order for it to hold any significance.”

“Spock.” Jim sighed, a small smile on his lips. “I just wanna know…if I can call you my fiancé?”

Spock looked completely taken aback by this. His hands pulled back from Jim’s and he blushed bright green. “Well…I suppose…if you truly wanted to…”

Jim laughed before reaching across the table and taking one of Spock’s hands again. “So, that’s the thing then?” Jim asked, casually rubbing his thumb across Spock’s knuckles.

“You were expecting more?” Spock asked quietly.

“I don’t know.” He shrugged with a sheepish smile. “I like what Nyota said…but we don’t have to talk about that right now.” He noticed there was something different in Spock’s face now, and he really didn’t want to freak him out any more.

“We will both be optimally fit to discuss our future…” Spock paused, closing his eyes for a second longer than a blink before continuing. “Once our relationship is approved. We only have a few more weeks…”

“Are you okay?”

Spock was turning slowly greener, and he wasn’t meeting Jim’s eyes anymore. For a split second, Jim was worried there was something in the tea, when he glanced down and noticed his hand on top of Spock’s, idling stroking his knuckles.

He tried to hide the realization from his face as he continued to stroke his hand. This had to be what that page online had been talking about.

“Spock?” Jim tried to sound innocent as he casually flipped Spock’s hand over and starting stroking his palm. The effects were immediate. Spock blushed deeper, squeezing his eyes shut as his breathing grew shakier.

“Jim…” Spock’s free hand gripped the edge of the table.

“You like this, don’t you?” He asked, dropping the innocent façade.

Spock only moaned softly in response. Still holding his hand, Jim went around to the other side of the table just as he had done that first day. Spock turned his body just enough for Jim to climb into his lap.

“I think we still have a while before the oven timer goes off…” Jim was now cradling Spock’s hand in both of his. “Do you think…do you think you could come for me in that time?”

Spock whimpered something that sounded like Jim’s name as Jim nudged his shoulders until he was sprawled back on the floor. Jim straddled his hips, already feeling how hard he was. He must really be liking this if he was complaining about being on the floor.

“Does this feel good?” Jim asked throatily, massaging Spock’s palm with both of his thumbs. Spock shivered, his eyes fixated on his hand in Jim’s, his pupils dark and blown wide.

“Jim…” Spock’s voice was just as gravely. “What are you doing?”

“Just something I’d thought you’d like.” He smirked, his thumbs still kneading into Spock’s hand. “You have really sensitive hands, you know…”

“Yes.” Spock moaned softly, his eyes still not leaving Jim.

“So, you do know…” He switched to stroking each finger one by one. “Do you ever do this to yourself? Do you ever touch yourself when I’m not around?”

“Yes…” Spock whispered, somehow managing to act embarrassed about it.

“Show me.” Jim shifted his hips, grinding his own hardness down against Spock’s. “What do you do?”

Instead of finding the words, Spock pulled his hand from Jim’s and reached up to brush his thumb along the curve of Jim’s lip.

“Lick me…” Spock blushed more than Jim had ever seen before as he gently pressed his thumb against Jim’s lip.

Jim’s eyes didn’t leave Spock’s as his tongue darted out and licked Spock’s thumb. Spock moaned, his hips shifting beneath Jim and grinding upwards.

“You like that, baby?” Jim grabbed Spock’s hand again, holding it steady as he licked across his palm.

Spock moaned again, his eyes finally squeezing shut as Jim carefully licked the pad of each finger before sucking each finger in turn.

“Jim…” Spock began grinding upwards with such force that Jim could feel his whole body moving.

“Are you close, baby? You can come, you just have to beg for it.” Jim softly kissed each knuckle.

“Please, Jim…please.” Spock’s hips didn’t stop moving.

Spock didn’t seem to hold the same pride in withholding the way Jim did, but Jim found it somehow even more erotic, the ease in which Spock broke.

Jim drew two of Spock’s fingers into his mouth and sucked, swirling his tongue around them. Spock let out a very animalistic growl, his free hand reaching up to grab Jim’s waist. Jim felt it as Spock came, the warm dampness spreading beneath where he was straddled.

“God, that was so hot…” Jim leaned down and kissed Spock, pulling back afterwards with a small smile.

“How…how did you know about Vulcan hands?” Spock asked, his breath still coming in small pants.

“Internet.” Jim chuckled.

“Of course…” Spock said as if it were obvious.

“You’re so amazing, you know…” Jim took advantage of the opportunity, and reached down to gently brush back Spock’s hair. “I love you.”

He hadn’t been planning to say it, it just sort of came out. His hand stilled in Spock’s hair, as Spock’s eyes snapped to his, wide in surprise. The deep blush he’d had during their activities now returned.

Jim was unsure what Spock would say, but was grateful for the sound of the oven timer to serve as a distraction. “Snack break.” He smiled, climbing off of Spock and going to the oven.

When he returned to the table with the plate of brownies, Spock was still lying on the floor. He was gazing at the ceiling with a focused look.

“What’s up?” Jim returned to his position on top of Spock.

“I am simply attempting to articulate what I feel for you, so that I may accurately respond to what you have said to me.” Spock’s head was turned, and he was staring somewhere off to the side.

“Take your time, I’m in no rush.” Jim reached over to the plate on the table and grabbed a brownie. Despite the replicated ingredients, it was pretty good.

“I believe,” Spock started, turning his head to look at Jim now. “That it is time to say that I love you as well. I have felt this for a long time.”

“Oh, thank god!” Jim was filled with relief as his dropped his half-eaten brownie onto Spock’s chest so that he could cup Spock’s face with both hands and kiss him. “Now eat one of these brownies.”

Jim found that tipsy Spock was a lot of fun. Sex with tipsy Spock was quite interesting. He was louder, moaning each time that Jim slammed into him. He was also more handsy, reaching around Jim’s back to scratch him.

Afterwards, more brownies created someone that Jim was endlessly amused and confused by. Drunk Spock was very entertaining.

His chess skills were not dulled in any way, but his tactics were different. Spock seemed it effective to speak aloud to the board, commanding each piece as if he were the general of a small army. He gasped dramatically whenever one of his knights or pawns was defeated.

“Rookie, you served us well…perhaps in another life time…” Spock’s voice was slightly slurred as he dropped the defeated piece onto the table.

A knock on the door broke the sleepy atmosphere. Spock attempted to stand and almost knocked the board over.

“I got it.” Jim said, going to the door. He peered through the peephole and groaned. “Oh, great, it’s the fun police…”

He opened the door to reveal a slightly disheveled looking Captain Pike. Pike walked in without looking at Jim. “What are you doing here?” He demanded.

Jim blinked in surprise when he saw Pike was addressing Spock. Spock looked up at Pike from the table but didn’t respond.

 “You’re supposed to have office hours today until eight.” Pike explained. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you…”

“I’m sorry, sir.” Spock looked confused. “Is this about the academic dishonesty case from this morning? I believe I already told Barrett what should happen to Cadet Carmen.”

“No, no.” Pike shook his head, scratching at his slightly stubbled face. “They’ve been trying to reach you, but you weren’t in your office, and your phone’s off…I have bad news.”

Spock just looked up at Pike, the glazed look fading from his eyes as he fixated the other man with unblinking seriousness. A seriousness that was only slightly dampened by the chocolate crumbs on his shirt.

“The embassy on Vulcan was attacked…your father’s been injured. His in a hospital in ShiKahr.”

Spock was silent, but Jim gasped out loud, causing Pike to take notice of him for the first time. They then both immediately looked to Spock who was trying to stand.

“I must leave…must go to Vulcan.” He knocked over the chess board as he got to his feet.

“What’s wrong with him!?” Pike asked as Jim rushed to grab onto Spock and keep him from falling over.

“Nothing! He’s just a little drunk.” Jim tried to hold Spock, who was now thrashing.

“Drunk!?” Pike tried to grab Spock’s other arm. “Listen, Spock, it’s gonna be fine. They’ve arranged for a shuttle to take you tomorrow morning. We can get another teacher to cover your classes.”

“No…no!” Spock struggled in their clutches. “I must go…”

“Hey, listen…” Jim tried to sound soothing as Spock nearly wrenched out of his grasp. “It’s gonna be okay…”

“No, no, I’m going to be sick…” Spock moaned, doubling over.

Jim immediately let go of Spock, and Pike followed suit a second later. Spock stumbled from the room and down the hallway. A moment later they could hear retching, and Jim prayed he’d made it to the bathroom in time.

“I’m going with him.” Jim stared at Pike defiantly, as if daring him to object.

 “Now, Jim, you know you only get days off for family emergencies.” Pike started.

“Dammit man, this is an emergency!” Jim shouted, reminding himself very much of Bones. “And he’s my family!”

“Then, I guess there’s no point in arguing.” Pike crossed his arms.

“Nope.” Jim mirrored him.

Jim only had the upmost respect for Pike, who despite having no obligation, had at least tried to act as somewhat of a parental figure in Jim’s youth. The fact that both Pike and Winona Kirk spent most of Jim’s adolescence in space only meant that they got to yell at him from over video screens rather than in person.

But Pike did not yell now. He didn’t even launch into a speech about the rules, which had been what Jim thought was his original reason for visiting. He just looked at Jim with something that Jim actually thought was respect.

“You’ll take care of him?” Pike asked, though he looked as if he already knew the answer. “You’ll get to the station on time? Five am, Jim.”

“Yes sir.” Jim’s respect for Pike was showing now. He subconsciously straightened his posture.

“Good.” Pike nodded. “I’m glad he has someone. I never knew it’d be _you,_ but I’m glad you have someone like him.”

“How’re you friends with Spock, anyways?” Jim asked, reaching for the teapot, which Pike waved his hands to decline.

“Took him under my wing as soon as he enlisted. He’s a genius, and I thought he’d be great on a ship. He never wanted deployment with me, though. I guess now I get why…”

There was a moan, and they turned to see Spock coming back down the hallway. He was swaying slightly and holding his head. “Jim…”

“I’m here.” Jim moved to stand beside Spock, one arm going around his middle to keep him steady. “I’m gonna stay with you tonight, and we’ll go to Vulcan tomorrow.”

“I should head back out.” Pike checked the old-fashioned watch on his wrist. “I’ll send you the rest of the details tonight.” He clapped Jim on the shoulder and hovered his arm awkwardly in Spock’s direction before leaving.

“Come on, lay down…” Jim led Spock into the bedroom and pulled back the covers for him. “I’m gonna go to my place and pack a bag. I’ll pack one for you too when I get back, okay?”

Spock nodded, pressing his face into the pillow as Jim covered him back up. Jim went back to his dorm room to find Bones and Christine both there. He explained the situation as he attempted to shove all of his clothes into a backpack.

“What about class?” Bones asked.

“I’ll get the notes from Ny, or something.” He shrugged, not really caring. It was weird to think that just days ago, his grades seemed to matter so much, and he’d do anything to avoid having to share notes with Nyota.

“I’ll see you when I get back.” Jim slung the backpack over his shoulders and was gone again.

Back at Spock’s, he entered quietly before placing his bag by the doorway. He then went around the apartment, cleaning up the brownie crumbs and chess board.

In Spock’s bedroom, Jim tried to move quietly so as not to disturb him. With the light off, he could barely see what he was grabbing, so he just shoved pre-folded stacks of things from drawers into a rolling suitcase from the closet.

Once that was by the door too, he stripped down to his boxers and climbed into the bed behind Spock, wrapping his arms around him and pressing his chest to Spock’s back, just as Spock had done for him that first night.

“You’re gonna be just fine…” Jim said reassuringly, kissing a spot on Spock’s back. It was a moment before Spock replied. Jim wasn’t sure if Spock was only pretending to be asleep, or if Jim had woken him.

“It is not me I am concerned for.” His voice was muffled from the pillow.

“I know…” Jim tried to soothingly rub Spock’s arm. “But your dad’s gonna be fine too.”

“You have no way to know if that is true…but I very much want to believe you.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O:  
> i hope you guys like this chapter!! pls leave me a comment im dying squirtle.  
> also follow me on tumblr @frappuccinio.


	7. Chapter 7

They were at the station the next morning before the sun was even up. Jim was walking briskly, one hand holding the strap of his bag, and the other holding his phone. His eyes scanned the screen, taking in the wall of text Pike had sent him.

“If it’s on time, we’ll get in around noon, Vulcan time.” Jim said over his shoulder.

Spock just nodded, his steps were even as he pulled his rolling suitcase behind him. He was wearing a long black travelling coat over a sweater and trousers, and looked much more put together than Jim, who in the haste to get ready, had accidently grabbed Spock’s sweatshirt rather than his own, and was now wearing it somewhat proudly.

Despite Spock’s crisp appearance, he moved slowly, each foot in front of the other as if it was a task that required calculation before each movement. Jim didn’t know if it was from a hangover, or just the weight of the world.

Jim bought two coffees from the booth at the station and passed one to Spock as they sat down to wait. Spock reluctantly drank, grimacing after each sip.

“You want some breakfast?” Jim asked, nodding his head in the direction of the booth, which also had donuts. Spock just shook his head, and took another long drink.

Maybe to avoid having to speak, Spock reached into his bag for his padd. Jim busied himself with one of the magazines in the racks on the back of the terminal seats. It listed the planets with the best restaurants. Vulcan wasn’t there.

“I have a message from my mother.” Spock said. “She is going to meet us at the station when we arrive, and take us to the hospital.”

“You wanna get something for your dad?” Jim asked, rolling the magazine up and stuffing it in his bag. “Maybe some kind of snack that he can’t get on Vulcan?”

“My father does not care for Earth foods.” Spock said.

“He’s ambassador to this planet, but he doesn’t even like the food?” Jim was desperate to lighten the mood, but Spock was having none of it.

“I cannot say that I blame him.” Spock drained the last of his cup with a look as if swallowing poison, before dropping the cup in the recycle bin.

Before Jim could reply, an announcement signaled it was time to board. Jim finished his own cup and tossed it, before grabbing his bag. As they went towards the gate, Jim noticed Spock was moving quicker now.

The shuttle bound for Vulcan was empty, aside from three other passengers. An elderly Vulcan couple sat stony faced near the back. A Vulcan teenage boy sat in the seat in front of them, as if determined not to appear to have any relation to them. It might have worked save for the fact that they all had matching luggage.

Jim took the window seat as well as Spock’s hand as soon as they sat down. Spock showed no sign that he felt this. Jim watched Spock’s face from the corner of his eye, but it was impassive.

“Everything’s gonna be fine…” Jim said tentatively, offering a small smile as they took off.

“You do not know that.” Spock said, his voice clipping.

“Of course, I don’t.” Jim recoiled, though didn’t pull his hand back.

“Then it is illogical to act as if you do.” Spock said.

“In case you haven’t noticed, it’s what humans do!” Jim growled, tightening his grip on Spock’s hand defiantly. “We say shit that doesn’t make sense, because it makes us feel better.”

“An illogical sentiment.”

“But a sentiment, just the same.” Jim finished, smiling again when their eyes met.

Spock did not smile back, his expression only darkened. He lowered his voice to the point that Jim had to lean across the armrest to hear him.

“I am worried my mother has not told my father I am coming.” Spock said, staring down at their hands. “I am worried my father does not want to see me. I am also worried that his health will not improve once he does see me. I am also worried that I _am_ worried…for I should not feel anything at all.”

“I –I think you get a free pass for feeling, considering the circumstance.” Jim said, the awkwardness of the sudden confession dissipating. “And, why would you think he doesn’t wanna see you?”

“Things between us…have been damaged since I left Vulcan. He claimed to have understood my choices, but as time went on, I came to believe he’d just been…humoring me. I am afraid he will always look down on me for choosing Starfleet over the Academy.”

“You can’t worry about that now.” Jim leaned in further and placed his head on Spock’s shoulder. “If he can’t understand what you did, then that’s his own problem. But you should just focus on seeing him…I’m sure he really wants to see you after what happened. Maybe it all came together in his head after he was hurt…how much he loves you, and would love you no matter what.”

“…a logical sentiment.” Spock sounded surprised.

“I was due for one.” Jim looked at him and smiled. This time, there was the smallest of smiles in return.

❖ ❖ ❖

“I can take that.” Spock said from the platform behind Jim, who was currently trying to pull Spock’s suitcase down the shuttle steps. One of the wheels was stuck in the grated metal of the bottom step.

“I got it.” Jim huffed, pulling once more. Several people were staring now, as he was blocking the doorway from the three Vulcans on the shuttle who needed to get off.

The Vulcan teenager rolled his eyes before stepping down and kicking the suitcase. It dislodged and slammed into Jim, sending him sprawling back onto the platform.

“…Thanks.” He groaned, holding up a thumbs-up as the boy and his elderly guardians stepped down from the shuttle and walked past him.

Humans are so weak, the boy said in Vulcan, looking back down at Jim. Jim sat up, the suitcase shifting down onto his lap.

“But we have excellent hearing, you brat!” Jim shouted. The boy turned a bright green, before jogging to catch up to his guardians.

“Are you alright?” Spock asked, taking the suitcase from on top of Jim and offering his hand.

“Yep.” He took the hand and was hauled to his feet.

Jim dusted himself off and looked around. The stations walls were all glass, giving him a perfect view of the oddly-shaped reddish-brown buildings that stretched out for miles all around, as well as the matching red landscape that surrounded the city.

“We are early.” Spock said, looking to a large chronometer above one of the ticket booths.

“So, should we sit and wait? Is there somewhere I can get some coffee?” He yawned, his jetlag told him it was barely seven in the morning back home. It was also very hot, reminding him of Spock’s apartment back home. He took off his sweatshirt and stuffed it into his bag.

“I believe –“ Spock was cut off, his eyes widening as someone approached.

“You’re here!” Spock’s mother was spry for her age, flinging herself at him, her arms going around his neck.

Spock stumbled back a few steps, before awkwardly hugging her back. Jim pressed his fist to his mouth to muffle his laughter.

“Mother, you are restricting my airways.” Spock wheezed.

“Sorry, dear.” She stepped back from him with a sheepish smile.

Spock’s mother was a head shorter than both of them, with brown hair that was showing signs of greying. She wore a scarf around her neck that looked as if it had slipped from around her head. Her robes were flowy and looked as if they were a lot nicer than anyone else’s that Jim could see.

“Now, who’s this?” She turned to Jim. When he looked into her eyes, he instantly recognized they were identical to Spock’s. This put him very much at ease, and he smiled.

“Jim Kirk.” He figured it was safe to offer his hand. She shook it and after a second, slowly rotated his arm, exposing his words. Her eyes flicked up to his, and he hastily pulled his hand back, blushing. “I’m his…” He found it hard to go on with her looking at him like that.

“Mother,” Spock stepped in. “Jim is my t’hy’la.”

“Yes. That.” Jim nodded once.

“Oh…” Her entire face lit up. “I had no idea…why didn’t you tell me?!” She rounded on Spock, a playful tone in her reprimanding. “Well, no matter, I’m just very glad you’re here now. Welcome to the family. You can call me Amanda.”

“Should we depart?” Spock asked.

“Just a minute.” Amanda glanced around. “I was just wondering if there might be a place to purchase a cup of coffee…”

Jim decided he liked her very much.

“I take our leisure pace in leaving to mean that Father is no longer in critical condition?” Spock asked as they made their way out of the station, Jim and Amanda nursing cups of coffee, and Spock wheeling his suitcase behind him.

“Well, that, and I’m not sure we’ll be allowed to see him if we’re too early. No matter, we can always wait there. They do have a waiting room.” She chuckled. “Come on, I got us the car service.”

While everyone else seemed to depart from the station in shabby cabs or on foot, Amanda led them to a sleek black vehicle that was waiting for them. As they approached, the driver got out and grabbed Spock’s bag.

“I got it.” Jim said awkwardly, clutching the strap of his own bag as the driver tried to take it.

They climbed into the backseat, which was wide and cozy. Amanda sat in the opposite seat that faced them.

“Yes, Sarek is doing just fine.” She nodded. “The worst of it is his leg. It was broken pretty bad in two places, but they put a cast on it, and he’s very stable…though he fades in and out.”

“Medication?” Jim asked.

“No, healing trance. They assure me that he’ll heal quicker this way.” She looked to Spock. “He asks for you every time he wakes up.”

“He…asks for me?” Spock looked surprised.

“Of course he does!” She reached across the way to place a hand on his knee. “He really misses you…we have heard from you in ages! Though, I see now that you have been busy.” She glanced Jim’s way and smiled.

“I apologize.” Spock glanced awkwardly out the window. “I…I just assumed you hadn’t told him I was coming.”

“Well, of course I did.” She looked slightly hurt. “He asked me for you, so we arranged everything with the Academy. Honestly Spock, you act as if you’re still eighteen. Your father may have been disappointed when you left home, but he always supported you and he was always proud.”

“Yes, well…” Spock somehow looked even more uncomfortable now than he had on the shuttle ride. It was as if he was more prepared to face a disappointed father than one who actually wanted to see him.

“I hope he’s up.” Amanda sighed. “He was asleep during the first visitation hours this morning when T’Pring came by…”

“T’Pring?” Spock sat up impossibly straighter. “She came by to see Father?”

“Yes, well, she was just on the floor below visiting her daughter. The poor thing stays in the hospital these days…”  She sighed. “Sarek was asleep but she and I got to talking. I told her all about your work at the academy, and she was very impressed. I told her to come by again when you were here.”

“But Mother, I do not want to see her.” Spock practically whined.

“Honestly, Spock.” She said again. “I know you and T’Pring never really got on as children…”

“An understatement.” Spock grumbled, but she went on as if she hadn’t heard him.

“But you’re adults now. Her husband has been off-planet for his work for the past few months, and she’s been all alone with that poor baby. The least you could do is be kind to her.”

Spock scowled but didn’t argue. He just stared out the window as they drove on. Amanda turned to Jim and started asking him so many questions it was hard for him to keep up.

By the time they reached the hospital, Jim had managed to recount his childhood, his enlistment, and his less-than-stellar first time meeting Spock. She laughed loudly.

“Well, I suppose it’s better than how I met Sarek.” She waved a hand. “You wouldn’t know it the way he speaks, but he was delightfully awkward.”

“There is…something else, Mother.” Spock lowered his voice, and glanced at Jim as their ride came to a stop in the parking lot.

For a minute, Jim thought Spock was going to tell her about the rules that prevented their relationship from going public. That would be quite a disappointment, as it would be nice while they were here, to pretend those rules didn’t exist at all.

Instead, he listened as Spock told her about the bond between their minds. Jim was grateful Spock carefully skirted around the actual _activity_ that had resulted in the bond.

“Have you ever heard of that happening before?” Spock asked. “A bond forming of its own volition? It must be exclusive to psi-abled beings such as Vulcans, that have soulmates. Did you and Father…?”

“No,” She looked surprised. “But Sarek and I got married almost as soon as we met, so that I’d have Vulcan citizenship by the time we returned from Earth.”

“I could find nothing on it when I looked…” Spock shook his head.

“How did this happened again?” She looked between them. “What were you doing that could have linked you?”

Jim had never been more grateful in his life to hear the driver rap his knuckles on the tinted glass that separated his section from the backseat.

“That is our cue to get out.” Spock said quickly, undoing his seatbelt, his face bright green. “We are wasting visitation time.”

Jim undid his own seatbelt before stepping out of the car into the thick hot Vulcan air. The hospital looked a lot like the station from outside; the sections that weren’t glass were dark reddish-brown stone.

“Leave your bags in the car, so they’ll be with us when the car takes us home.” Amanda said.

“Mother, Jim and I can stay in a hotel…” Spock started as they made their way across the lawn in front of the hospital.

“Nonsense!” She waved her hand. “You two will be perfectly cozy at our place. Your old bedroom is just like you left it.”

“Good news.” Spock said sarcastically, and Jim laughed as they made their way into the building.

The lobby was empty aside from a few Vulcans sitting in a waiting area. Jim tried to discern what was wrong with them, but he couldn’t tell, as they all had the same bored expression.

There was a small line in front of the reception desk, and Amanda got in it to obtain visitor passes. Jim and Spock hung back near the elevator.

“So, this girl your mom was talking about, was she an old childhood bully?” Jim asked in a whisper. He wasn’t going to judge Spock if he’d been picked on by a girl. After all, Vulcans were strong, and Jim knew what it was like to be a shrimpy kid.

“Yes.” Spock nodded. “As well as my ex-fiancé.”

Jim gasped, wanting to retort, but was speechless. Just then, Amanda approached with visitor passes that they pinned to their clothes as they stepped towards the elevator.

“It’s floor seven.” She said, pressing the button. “T’Pring should be on floor six, if you ever want to visit…” This time Jim shared Spock’s dread at her name.

The seventh floor held all of the Vulcans who’d been injured in the attack on the embassy. Apparently, Sarek was one of the ones that’d been lucky, and escaped with minor injuries. Jim peered into the tiny windows on the doors, and saw most of them were heavily bandaged. They all looked as if they were asleep.

Sarek’s room was the last on the right. His door was open and he was awake, sitting up in bed and reading from a padd. His leg was heavily casted, but he looked otherwise ordinary, aside from a deep green scratch on his arm.

“Hello, Father.” Spock said, slowly approaching the bed. Jim hung back awkwardly.

“Spock.” Sarek looked up. “I am glad you are here.”

“You are?” Spock looked surprised, as if he still hadn’t believed what Amanda said until he heard it for himself.

“Of course I am. It is logical to want to be with family after such an ordeal, and I was very glad to hear you would find the time to come, despite your busy schedule.”

“I…apologize for not making time in the past.” Spock hung his head.

“Apologies are unnecessary.” Sarek said with a wave of his uninjured arm. In the movement, Jim caught a flash of words.

“Who is this?” Sarek asked when he caught Jim staring.

“I, uh…” Jim stuttered, caught off-guard.

“Sarek, this is Jim.” Amanda placed a hand on his shoulder and nudged him towards the bed. “He’s Spock’s soulmate.”

“You are a male?” Sarek looked mildly surprised.

Jim bit his tongue on the “I think so” retort that was brewing in his head, and instead just stared at the back of Spock’s head.

“This is all quite logical!” Sarek said. “It is no wonder you never favored T’Pring growing up. Had you informed me of your preference for males, I would have never made you stay bonded with her for as long as you were.”

“Father, I never favored T’Pring growing up because she was horrible.” Spock said bitterly. “And I seem to recall that I asked to dissolve my bond with her as early as age fourteen…”

“My refusal of this was logical.” Sarek’s voice clipped. “It all came down to wanting you to have someone once you reached maturity. I was simply doing what was best for you.”

“You mean as you did when you insisted I join the Science Academy?” Spock’s hands actually curled into fists. “What that what you thought was best for me, or what was best for _you?”_

“Well, _my apologies_ for wanting to keep close the only child I had left.” Sarek rose up in the bed, his face going greener.

“Sarek, your blood pressure!” Amanda warned, but he ignored her.

“Father, that is not the reason.” Spock said. “We all know that you did not want me to know my own heritage there. You wanted to fit me into the Vulcan mold so that I would be exactly like _you._ This is exactly what you did to Sybok –“

Amanda gasped, her hands clasped over her mouth and her eyes on Spock as if she no longer recognized him. Sarek looked for a moment as if he’d been struck. He then sat up further, sending the pillow behind him tumbling to the floor.

“You understand nothing of which you speak!” Sarek raised his voice. “Sybok left this place because it was not right for him. However, it was right for you…”

“Then why did I hate it!?” Spock actually screamed, something Jim had never heard before.

“You put too much pressure on yourself!” Sarek’s voice started to go hoarse. “You held yourself to the impossibly high standards of your peers.”

“You mean _full-Vulcans_?”

Spock then slipped into Vulcan, shouting words and gesturing. Sarek shouted back, his voice raw and sounding as if he were going to collapse back onto the bed and die. Jim had honestly never been more uncomfortable in his entire life.

“Stop it!” Amanda shouted over the both of them, reminding Jim very much of Christine Chapel. “Stop that! I cannot stand to hear you two fight!”

“I should not have asked to see you.” Sarek said darkly, leaning back against the empty headboard. “I should have known this would happen again.”

“Sarek, Spock is right.” Amanda looked as if she’d been bursting to say this. “You were always so critical of him when he was coming up…”

“I suppose you also think I drove Sybok away.” Sarek did not look at any of them.

“Of course not!” She looked hurt. “But I think him leaving hurt you more than you wanted to admit, or even realized. You too…” She looked at Spock.

“I am sorry, Spock.” Sarek whispered, his voice still hoarse. “I always knew I could not change how the past went, but I always hoped we could move past it and be close. I attributed everything that went wrong with Sybok as something I could prevent with you. I never let you make your own choices, because I feared you would choose to leave as well.”

“I did choose to leave.” Spock lifted his chin. “But not because of the same reasons as Sybok. You did not drive me away…I was always proud of…this.” He waved a hand towards the window, where the Vulcan landscape was stretched out around them. “But Earth is my heritage as well. I needed to know that…I needed to go and find Jim.”

Sarek looked at Jim once more. Jim was torn between wanting to step up and say something dramatic, and wanting to sink into the floor never to be seen again. But this was for Spock, so he just looked back at Sarek with determination.

“Spock,” Sarek’s voice was much softer, and Jim wondered if the fight was truly over, or if he was just too hoarse to continue. “Does living on Earth, and being with Jim make you happy?”

Jim was expecting some sort of retort about happiness being an emotion, and therefore, impossible for Spock to experience. Instead, Spock just straightened his posture and nodded.

“Yes.”

“Jim,” Sarek addressed him, and Jim scrambled to emulate Spock’s posture. “Does Spock make you happy?”

“Yes.” Jim nodded.

“Good.” And to everyone’s surprise, Sarek smiled. “Then I have not failed as a father.”

“Of course you haven’t.” Amanda picked up the pillow from the floor and placed it behind her husband. “Spock loves you, and he’s glad to be here, just like you’re glad to see him.”

“Spock, I have many articles saved on my padd that I would like to show you.” Sarek sounded as if nothing had just happened, and Spock seemed to gratefully run with this opening to a civil conversation.

“I will be glad to give my professional opinion.” Spock said, grabbing a small chair by the window and placing it by the bed.

Jim felt Amanda lightly touch his elbow. He looked to her and she jerked her head towards the hallway. They stepped out and gently closed the door.

“Oh my goodness.” She sighed, collapsing onto a bench under a long window. “I would say that it isn’t normally like this…but it seems that always happens when they get together.”

“I get it.” Jim said, and really he did. Though the key difference between the shouting matches between Sarek and Spock and Jim and Frank was that Sarek and Spock actually loved each other.

“I’m glad he found you.” Amanda placed a hand on his shoulder. “You seem good for him.”

“Yeah, well…” Jim blushed, looking down at his shoes. He did not mention that every second he spent with Spock was jeopardizing their positions at the academy.

The sound of footsteps brought back Jim’s attention. Someone was coming down the hallway towards them. It was a young Vulcan woman about his age. Her hair was short and cropped around her ears. Her robes were brown and limp, giving her the appearance not unlike a moth.

“Lady Amanda.” T’Pring nodded. “How is Sarek?”

“He’s awake.” Amanda stood up. “Spock is with him.”

Jim got to his feet too and stared at her defiantly. Her eyes moved to him with almost a bored expression.

“Who are you?” She asked.

“Jim Kirk.” He said curtly. “I’m Spock’s t’hy’la.” It was Jim’s first time ever trying to pronounce the word, but he figured he did a pretty good job, based on the way her eyebrows went up in surprise.

“Pleased to meet you.” She said, her eyes now moving over him in interest. “I did not know Spock had taken a spouse.”

“We’re not…uh, married.” Jim said, his confident tone faltering slightly. “But we are engaged…linked.”

“Are you?” She narrowed her eyes. “But you did not do this on Vulcan. I would have heard if Spock had been here…”

“Didn’t need to.” Jim raised one shoulder in a shrug. “We did it on our own.”

“I see…” She still looked skeptical.

“T’Pring, would you like to go in and see him?” Amanda asked, and Jim wondered if she was referring to Sarek or Spock. He felt his insides boiling.

“Yes.” She nodded, moving past them towards the door. She entered without knocking.

“Come on, Jim.” Amanda smiled. “You must be starving.”

“Actually, I am.” Jim chuckled. “But everything around here is vegetarian…right?”

“Yes, but you do not live here as long as I have without learning what places are willing to bend the rules.”

“They’ll do that?” he asked.

“Well, humans eat meat, so it’s logical, right?” she laughed as they walked towards the elevator.

“Right…logical.”

❖ ❖ ❖

Spock was by his father’s bed, reading a news report on the attack off a padd when the door opened. Expecting to see Jim or his mother, he actually did a double take when he saw who it really was.

“You’re awake.” T’Pring looked over his head at Sarek. When her eyes moved down to Spock’s, he felt instantly like a child again. “Hello.”

“Hello.” He instinctively shrunk back.

“You are reading the news.” She came to stand behind him and looked at the padd over his shoulder. “I was at the elder’s chamber today to see T’Pau, and I heard that the attacker is dead.”

“Yes, that is true.” Sarek nodded. “He was an assistant to one of the off-planet ambassadors. He did not take into account how the Vulcan air pressure would affect his homemade explosive. He got hit with the worst of it.”

Spock sat rigid, ignoring the slamming of his heart and the almost sickening prickle of his skin, with her right behind him. T’Pring took no notice, casually strolling to the window and talking more with Sarek about his work prior to the attack.

“Spock,” she said suddenly, turning away from the window. “I spoke to your…human mate, out in the hallway.”

“Yes, he wanted to come with me once we heard of Father’s injury.” Spock nodded, allowing a slight bit of bragging in his voice. The fact that Jim wanted to come with him was more than T’Pring ever would have done for him.

“How noble.” She said curtly. “I would like to speak with you privately for a moment.”

It took him a second to realize she was talking to him still. She was staring at him impassively, waiting for him to stand up.

“Why...?” He asked skeptically, as his brain rapidly constructed a scene in which she’d get him alone only to push him down and call him names.

“It is…” Her eyes flicked to Sarek, and perhaps it was a trick of the light that made it seem as if she blushed. “A personal matter.”

“It is nearly time for the nurse to bring my lunch.” Sarek said, sitting up in bed. “You two can speak out in the hallways. I will be fine.”

It was not concerns for his father that made him reluctant to go, but the words of his mother played over and over in his head. He was not a child anymore. They were adults, and T’Pring was hardly going to push him down. Not in a public building, at least.

He followed her out into the hallway. It was deserted, but she kept walking until they came to a long window further down the corridor. The Vulcan landscape stretched out before them. They both silently watched it for a moment, though Spock was also watching her.

She was different now. Gone was the heavy make-up and ornate hair style that she’d had in their youth. Her hair was short, and her face was pale.

“You have a human t’hy’la.” T’Pring said, speaking finally.

“Yes.” He said firmly.

“Is that why you wanted to dissolve our bond?”

“Yes.”

“And you are betrothed to him now.” She said this as a fact rather than a question.

“Yes.” He answered quickly. He didn’t know if Jim told her that, or if she was just guessing, but he did not want her to think he was unsure of it, when it was the thing that made him happiest.

“I see…” She looked almost uncomfortable for a split second. “I must ask you something…you were able to form a bond with him on your own. One equivalent to the one we had…how? How did you do this?”

“What do you want, T’Pring?” He snapped, his cheeks coloring.

“Can you feel him?” She pressed on. “In your head? Can you feel his thoughts and emotions the way we –The way that we were supposed to be able to?”

He understood instantly why she was asking. His eyes widened and then he nodded. “It was difficult…and first. Jim is psi-null, and I was not used to it, due to you and I only ever pushing each other out. But I do hear him, and feel him. And though Jim may not recognize it, he hears and feels me.” He couldn’t tell if she was expecting this answer or not. She turns away to look back out the window.

“I see…” She whispered, as if too tired to keep her voice sharp.

“We pushed each other out. We did not feel one another, and as a result, our abilities to feel bonds since have suffered. I can feel Jim…yet, you are married and cannot feel Stonn.”

“It is not…Stonn.” Her voice shook. “Once we were bonded by an elder…we could hear one another. It is…” And then she did something Spock had never seen a Vulcan do. She cried. She pressed her sleeve-covered hands to her eyes and wailed. “It is T’Ariis! My daughter! I cannot feel her!”

“Your –daughter?” He seemed to recall his mother saying something about T’Pring’s daughter.

“Yes…” She trembled, her face still covered. “We have a bond…but it is so weak. I first believed this to be because she is so sick…she has seizures…but now I am sure something else is wrong.”

“For what reason are you telling me this?” Spock asked, the slightest bit of alarm in his voice.

“You…you were able to repair the bond with your mate, so that his mind was susceptible to it. You were able to do this…with no training. You can do this for me too.”

“I –what?” He felt as if he was greatly missing something here.

“You, Spock!” She pulled her hands from her face and looked at him with shining dark eyes. “You can meld with me and T’Ariis. You can link us…so that she will not suffer.”

“I do not understand.” He glanced back towards his father’s door at the end of the hallway.

“Strong bonds allow emotions to be shared.” She sounded slightly exasperated at his inability to grasp what she was saying. “They also allow one to feel another’s state of mind. When T’Ariis had her last seizure…I did not know. I could not feel that she was in distress. With a stronger bond…”

“You…you think that a stronger bond would help your daughter’s illness?” He asked slowly.

“No,” T’Pring shook her head. “Nothing can cure her. She has a severe neurological disorder. But if we were strongly linked…I would be able to better comfort her, and to sense when she is in trouble.”

“Why not ask an elder…or a healer here at the hospital?”

“You do not understand!” She wailed, waving her arms. “I cannot…tell anyone. I have not even told Stonn…if he…if anyone knew that I had a weak bond with my _own child,_ they would believe this to mean that I am an unfit mother…that I do not love her. This is not true! I love her more than anything! You must help me, Spock!”

Spock gasped as T’Pring dropped to her knees, she reached out and clasped one of his hands in both her own. She looked up at him with such desperation, that he could feel it flowing in from her skin.

“I –“ He was too frozen to even pull his hand back. Could he do that? He had no training. When he repaired the bond between himself and Jim, it was because it was the only choice to save Jim.

“This is the only choice.” T’Pring said, as if reading his hesitation. “In desperation…I went to the elder’s today. I knew I was risking losing T’Ariis if they did believe me to be a fit mother, but I had no choice. T’Pau was not in…so I thought I had no options left. But now you are here….and you can do this…”

“I –“

“Please!” She gasped. “Not for me…not for Stonn…but for a child that has only ever known pain. I want to take that pain away. She is not long for this world…she deserves to live the rest of her days with her mother’s voice in her head.

He looked down into the face of the person he only ever hated. She was so different looking now, that she might have been a different person all together. His hand was still clasped in hers, and she was looking up at him, so broken.

“…Yes.” He managed. “Yes, fine. I will help you…”

“Thank you.” She whispered, dropping his hand and getting to her feet. Tear streaks stained her cheeks, but her face became stoic once more. “Follow me. She is on the floor below.”

“We are going now?” He asked in surprise.

“Of course. It is most logical, as no one will be there to disturb us. The nurses already brought her lunch just before I arrived.”

He followed her into the elevator and down onto the floor below. It was identical to his father’s floor, but before he could make more of an observation, she was turning into the first room on the left.

For a moment he thought they were in the wrong room. The bed was empty aside from a small lump in the blankets. As they came closer, he saw it was a child. She wasn’t moving, and her dark hair was splayed out on the pillow.

“Hello, my love.” T’Pring scooped the child up and climbed into the bed. She sat up against the headboard and cradled the child to her chest. The child whimpered slightly, but did not move.

As he watched T’Pring whisper to it, such loving things that would certainly be seen as an overuse of emotion by any other being in the building…he was almost completely convinced this was not the same girl he knew.

“I will do it now.” He said awkwardly.

Spock closed the door and turned off the light, so that the only light in the room was a soft orange glow from the lamp on the bedside. He climbed onto the bed, sitting cross-legged on top of the covers and facing her. This was quite different from when he did this for Jim. For one, Jim had been stirring, and for another, it was his own link he was strengthening.

“I will meld with you and T’Ariis, and strengthen your bond, but leaving no trace of my mind behind.” It was easier said than done.

He pressed one hand to the child’s temple. It was hot with fever. She sniffled slightly. With the other, he touched T’Pring’s face, splaying his fingers on her psi-points.

❖ ❖ ❖

Twilight was falling over the city as Spock walked to his parent’s home from the hospital. His mother had messaged him that she and Jim were already settled in. She’d told him she’d send a cab for him, but he’d declined. Walking always helped him when he needed to think.

T’Ariis hadn’t stirred much one he pulled back from the meld, but from the look on T’Pring’s face, he knew she felt her now.

“I cannot thank you enough.” T’Pring had said as he stood from the bed. “I…I want to apologize for the way I treated you when we were bonded.”

“It hardly matters now.” He’d said.

“…I hope you are happy with your mate.” She settled further into the bed.

“I am very happy.” He went to the door. “Goodbye, T’Pring.”

He’d gone back to his father’s room afterwards and visited for a while. It was one of the most pleasant times he’d spent with his father since adolescence. Though, he was glad for this, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander and stray to Jim.

Perhaps he could inquire to the next time T’Pau would be in her chambers. If he made a very logical argument…Jim might be willing to truly and fully bond in marriage before they returned to Earth.

After seeing T’Pring and her daughter, and yet another fight with his father, he understood how truly important love was, despite Vulcans claiming emotions served no purpose.

Proposing this to Jim was something he was actually excited about. The only downside was that once they returned to Earth, the fact that they would be married would mean they had truly defiled the school rules.

For some reason, he did not think Jim would find this much of a problem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was super nervous about this chapter, so I hope you like it!!!


	8. Chapter 8

Spock had returned earlier that evening from the hospital, while Jim was busy letting Amanda show him around. Spock watched wordlessly as Jim got acquainted with the strange plants in the garden, as well as the old sehlat sleeping by the back door. Jim had nearly jumped out of his skin when it approached him, but it only sniffed him for a moment before returning to its spot in the shade.

All throughout the evening, Jim caught Spock starring at him in a different sort of way. At first he thought it was that Spock thought it was strange to be seeing Jim here in his childhood home, but then Jim realized it was a longing sort of look.

He was sort of excited that this meant Spock might want to have sex once they retired for the night, but even if he did, Jim no longer had the urge. It was much too hot and the bed was much too small.

Jim kicked fitfully at the covers over him until the bunched up at his feet. It was so fucking hot on Vulcan, and he was gonna die. Rolling over on his back, he stared up at the ceiling and tried to relax by finding shapes in the blotchy paint. That’s what he used to do in his bedroom in Iowa. He was always comforted by a certain splotch in the corner that was shaped vaguely like a heart.

According to the alarm clock, it was just after ten. He was too cranky to do the math and see what time it’d be back home. All he knew was that despite jetlag, he wasn’t tired enough to sleep. He kicked a little more, attempting to free his feet of the blankets.

“Jim, please stop kicking.” Spock whispered from where he lay inches away.

“I can’t help it.” He grumbled. “I’m hot.”  Sleeping together had seemed nice, but now Jim was regretting it…because Spock’s body temperature was like a furnace.

“The human heartrate slows during sleep, and as a result, as does the body temperature.” Spock said calmly, his voice slightly muffled from the fact that he was facing the wall.

“Is that you politely telling me to shut up and go to sleep?” Jim asked, tossing and turning in an attempt to find a cool spot.

Spock turned over to face Jim, his features barely distinguishable in the crack of light from the between the door and its frame.

“Let me embrace you.” Spock whispered.

“What? No.” Jim grumbled. “I love you, but you’re like a million degrees.”

“Yes, but I can offer you comfort.” Spock reached out to wrap both arms around Jim’s waist.

“You just want me to be like your cold pillow.” Jim whispered. He felt Spock hold him tighter, and he began struggling against the fire-hot grip. “Spock, cut it out.” He wriggled.  
“Jim, relax.” Spock whispered. “You will find that if you allow it, my emotions may pass to you, calming you.”

“Ahh…so hot.” Jim whined. He wasn’t listening as he attempted to tug his shirt off.

“Jim… _stop.”_ Spock said firmly, his grip tightening. Jim, now shirtless, froze. His shirt fell on to the floor and he laid perfectly still, his heartrate increasing at that tone Spock had used. “Now, turn over.”

“Okay…” Jim whispered, turning so that Spock could press his entire body flush to Jim’s back. He could feel calmness radiating through him, as it usually did when they laid this way, only Jim couldn’t let it lull him to sleep. He was too busy wondering how to get Spock to use that tone of voice on him again.

So much for it being too hot for sex.

As Jim laid perfectly still in Spock’s arms, his mind went crazy with sexual thoughts of Spock using that voice on him.

“Spock,” Jim whispered. “I can’t sleep.”

“Then lay still. This will at least allow your body to rest.” Spock replied.

“Can’t…” Jim wiggled, purposely pressing his backside against Spock’s body.

“Jim,” Spock practically growled, leaning forward so his breath brushed Jim’s ear. “Lie still or I will retrain you.”

“Fuck, Spock…” Jim’s voice shook as he felt his body immediately respond to those words.

The bed creaked loudly like a whine of protest as Spock moved. He got up, looming over Jim. As Jim instinctively rolled onto his back, he felt Spock come down to straddle his waist.

“Will you be still now?” Spock asked, his face inches from Jim’s.

“Mmm…” Jim unabashedly began rocking under Spock, attempting to press his already-hard cock against Spock’s.

“I see I will have to restrain you further.” Spock pressed down to trap Jim’s hips down with his own. This hot pressure caused Jim to gasp. He attempting to rock up into it, but he was successfully pinned down.

“I’m…ahh…still not completely restrained.” Jim said, reaching up in the darkness to gently stroke the tip of one of Spock’s ear with his finger.

Immediately, he felt Spock grab his wrist and pin it down to the mattress, quickly followed by the other. Jim’s heart was slamming in his chest, and all discomfort was lost. He was now just very turned on.

“I have you completely restrained.” Spock whispered. “Do you submit to me?”

“Yes, God…fuck.” Jim said louder than intended as he desperately tried to move his hips.

“Jim, you must stay quiet, or I will stop…” He leaned down, speaking just by Jim’s ear.

“No, you won’t.” Jim growled. “I saw how you were looking at me today…you want this.” He again tried to move his hips and moaned when Spock shifted against him. Spock looked down at him for a moment with a look of slight embarrassment, as if he hadn’t realized Jim noticed.

“That’s right,” Jim continued, slightly fatigued from continuing to struggle beneath him. “I saw you…you totally want all this…”

“Jim, I do not _totally want_ anything.” Spock said, and Jim chuckled. “I would be open to sexual gratification, but it will be quite difficult considering how small this bed is…and how loud you tend to be.”

“Who, me?” He asked with mock offense, before sighing. “Fine…I’m not gonna argue.” He quit moving and tried to ignore how hard he was.

“You misunderstood.” Spock shifted slightly against him, and Jim suppressed a moan at the friction. “I believe there is a way, despite the minimal room. However, you cannot make any noise.”

“Deal.” He nodded.

“This is going to utilize my telepathic abilities. I am also going to lower my shields. Do you consent to this?” Spock asked, knitting his brows together seriously.

“Yeah…” Jim said somewhat impatiently, as he was already trying to move his hips again.

Spock let go of Jim’s wrists and gently placed his hands flat against Jim’s naked chest. Jim’s breathing hitched as Spock began gently rubbing his hands across his chest, his palms moving over his nipples.

“What…” He wanted to ask what was going on, but he soon began to understand.

He suddenly felt even more turned on, as if Spock was passing all of his arousal onto Jim. As he shuddered and closed his eyes, he realized that if Spock’s shields were lowered, then he was feeling all of this too. It would be more accurate to say Spock was using his powers to _share_ their arousal.

“Aahh…w-why don’t we do this more often?” Jim asked in a whisper, trying very hard not to moan.

“This takes concentration, as well as a substantial use of my abilities.” Spock whispered, moving his hands up to touch Jim’s psi-points.

Even though he’d agreed, he was now a little worried that Spock was trying to hack into his brain. The last time they’d done this, Jim had been unconscious, so he didn’t really have much of a say. This time, however, he fully intended to voice if he got uncomfortable.

But he did not get uncomfortable. The exact opposite, really. Slowly, it felt as if Spock were hijacking every nerve in his body and turning his arousal on to its highest peak. It seemed to slowly move in from the points where Spock was touching him and travel down his body like fire.

It settled in his cock and he actually felt himself start to orgasm. It was as if in slow motion. First, there was just unprecedented heat and pleasure, before finally a spurt of cum shot out, coating the inside of his underwear.

It was pleasure like he’d never felt before. The most intense orgasm of his life. He was vaguely aware that he was digging his fingers into Spock’s shoulders like claws. His entire body was spasming, and he couldn’t help but moan.

Spock leaned down and capture Jim’s mouth in a kiss, shoving his own tongue in as a sort of gag. Jim was grateful for this, and moaned into Spock’s mouth as his body shook, and wave after wave of orgasm moved through him.

Finally, it subsided. Spock pulled back, sitting up to look down at him. Jim laid there a moment, his arms laying limp as he gasped for breath. Spock was just looking down at him as if he were the most fascinating experiment.

“God…that was amazing. What the hell was that?” Jim sat up to reach for the glass of water on the bedside table, and drained it, despite the fact that it was lukewarm.

“If you recall, the last time I lowered my shields, we experienced simultaneous orgasms. I simply recreated this effect, but in reverse. By triggering my own orgasm, you then had one as well.” Spock said all of this nonchalantly as he climbed off of Jim and settled back under the blankets and rolled over to his spot.

“Wait –“ Jim choked a bit on the last of the water before laying back down. “You just…you mean, you can just magically give yourself an orgasm whenever you want?”

“It is not _magical._ ” He practically scoffed at the notion. “It requires immense emotion and physiological control. But yes, it is possible, as you just observed. However, I fail to see the novelty, as you are also capable of this.”

“How?!”

“You too can bring yourself to orgasm whenever you choose to, via masturbation.” Spock wrapped his arms around Jim’s waist and held him tightly once more. Jim didn’t mind it so much this time.

“That’s…literally not the same thing at all.” He practically sighed.

“I fail to see a difference.”

“Spock…” Jim pressed his face into the pillow and closed his eyes. “Just know that if you ever wanted to try that little trick out again, I’d be totally down...as long as we’re not in public or anything.”

“Noted.”

The next morning, Jim was not awoken by the alarm clock, or even by the Vulcan sun streaming in through the window. Vaguely in his sleep, Jim felt Spock’s hands on his psi-points once more. His eyes opened as he came again. He moaned, but was quickly shushed by another kiss.

“Holy shit…” He gasped afterwards. “You can do that every single morning if you want.

Only after he went to brush his teeth, and Spock stayed in the bedroom, did Jim realize what he’d just implied. He sort of made it sound like he and Spock would be waking up together all the time from now on. It’d just felt so natural, that he sort of forgot about the rules back home.

 He sighed at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, and then with his toothbrush still hanging from the corner of his mouth, used his right hand to trace across the words on the opposite arms. He loved them, they reminded him of Spock. But they also reminded him of everything that was still so out of reach –everything he couldn’t have.

❖ ❖ ❖

Spock emerged from the bedroom some time later after his meditation. He’d missed the opportunity to do it over the previous two days, and it had been beginning to show. Fully rested, and completely shielded, he padded into the kitchen to see his mother.

“Where is Jim?” Spock asked, glancing around.

“He got a call from a friend back home about classes.” She said, sliding toast onto a plate and placing it on the counter in front of him. “I didn’t realize he was still a cadet.”

“Yes.” Spock began to eat at the counter for something to do, hoping desperately that she wouldn’t press on the matter.

“Drink this, and eat up.” She placed a glass of milk down by his plate. He gave her an inquisitive look, and she elaborated. “I’ve lived on this planet long enough to know how someone looks and acts when they’ve just melded minds. I’m not going to ask why you melded with T’Pring.” She said quickly when she noticed the way he almost choked on his toast. “That’s your private business…but you need your strength back.”

He couldn’t look at her as he just nodded and began to eat. She must have been able to tell as soon as he came home last night, even if he hadn’t felt particularly drained. It most likely only looked worse now, after telepathically linking with Jim twice in less than ten hours. He could never tell her why he’d done _that,_ as it was even more private business.

“Oh! Your father is coming home!” She said excitedly. “We’ll go pick him up this afternoon.”

“That is good news.” Spock nodded.

If his father was well enough to finish his recovery at home, then it wouldn’t be long before the he and Jim would have to return to Earth, and he still hadn’t thought of how to express his desires to Jim for a marriage bond. He’d yet to vocalize it, but his mind has been very occupied with it. He found himself staring at Jim, lost in thought. Apparently Jim had noticed this too, considering he’d teased Spock about it last night.

The kitchen door opened and Jim came in, frowning down at his phone screen. He looked up and immediately smiled when he noticed Spock.

“Morning.” Jim leaned across the counter and kissed him. Spock found himself oddly touched at the familiarity and causality of it. “That was Bones. He told me he tried to get as much notes and work and crap from Nyota as he could, but it’s up to me to make up everything. I don’t know why he’s _nagging_ me so much…”

“I believe he is right.” Spock nodded. “We have many responsibilities to tend to once we return, considering we left with such short notice…”

“Are you nagging me too?” Jim smirked as he stole a piece of toast from Spock’s plate. He leaned back against the counter and began eating, his eyes going back to his phone. Spock found himself watching Jim in profile; the way his jaw clenched as he chewed, and the way his blue eyes seemed to be the most captivating things.

Suddenly, those eyes snapped up to Spock. “…What?” Jim asked, a slight smirk on his face.

“It is nothing.” Spock looked away. He shouldn’t be embarrassed about being caught staring at someone he was romantically involved with, but he blushed anyways.

As the day went on, Amanda tasked Spock with helping her get things ready when Sarek would be coming home. As he dusted the living room and changed the sheets on the bed, it gave plenty of time for his thoughts to wander to Jim.

He was uncertain if he should inform his parents of his decision to marry Jim. If he told them, then there was a chance it could all get back to the school in some way. While it was already tiring to keep their relationship a secret, the idea of keeping their marriage a secret because they just wanted to share it with each other…because they wanted to, rather than because they had to…it was nice.

“…Spock?” Amanda snapped him out of his thoughts. He hadn’t even realized he’d been standing, holding a sheet that was meant to be folded, for almost five minutes. “I think you need fresh air.” She smiled. “Why don’t you go outside with Jim?”

Spock found Jim in the backyard, hesitantly poking a sleeping I-Chaya in the ear. “So…like, does he do anything cool?”

“He does very little. He is very old.” Spock placed a hand on top of the creature’s furry head. “When I was a child, I would ride on his back.”

“That’s…adorable.” Jim chuckled, leaning down to flop onto the sehlat.

I-Chaya opened his eyes and stood up. Jim hung on until the creature shook him off onto the dirt. Once freed of Jim’s weight, he padded to the opposite side of the yard and went back to sleep.

“Jim, I have something to discuss with you.” Spock said, mustering the courage by straightening his posture.

“Okay, I promise not to bother your bear anymore.” He stood up and brushed red dirt off of his clothes with little success.

“I-Chaya is a sehlat, not a bear. And he technically belongs to my father. Furthermore, that is not what I want to ask you.” Spock stared off to the side, but found it actually calmed his nerves to look directly into Jim’s eyes.

“What? This is something serious, isn’t it?” Jim asked.

 Spock nodded. “Before our departure from Vulcan, I would like for us to bond in marriage.”

“Wait –what?!” Jim’s eyes widened and he couldn’t help but smile. “You…you really are being serious.”

“Vulcans are always serious. Of course, I understand if you do not want to…”

“Of course I want to!” Jim actually started laughing. He began pacing the spot in front of Spock, back and forth. “But…like, it’s so impulsive.”

“Is it?” Spock blinked in surprise. “I have thought it through…I am realizing how deep my affection for you is. A Vulcan marriage bond is one of the most intimate there is, so it makes logical sense for us take advantage of the opportunity while we are here. There is only one downside…”

At this, Jim stopped pacing. He turned to face Spock once more, still with the unbelievably wide grin on his face. “Let me guess, we can’t tell anyone…it’s gotta be a secret…” He sighed, his face faltering a bit.

“Correct.” Spock whispered to keep his voice in check. It did sound depressing when said out loud.

“I can’t believe you’re suggesting this…” Jim chuckled and wrapped his arms around Spock’s neck. “A secret marriage…like eloping…you know, when I first saw you, I thought you’d be all up tight.”

“You judged me by my appearance?” Spock raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, but I was wrong…you’re actually really wild…like a sneak deviant…with sexy pointed ears.” Jim poked at one of Spock’s ears.

“A partially true assessment, I suppose.”

Jim chuckled and leaned in for a kiss. After all this time, Spock was still fascinated by human kissing. Vulcans kissed with their hands because of how many nerve endings were in their fingers. While not exactly sanitary, there were also a great number of nerve endings on the mouth and tongue. That was what made it so fascinating…like an experiment in of itself, especially that certain delightful thing Jim did with his tongue…

“ _Pardon…”_ The sharp voice of his mother made Spock freeze. Jim pulled back and chuckled, but did not seem embarrassed at all. Spock did not look at her, and awkwardly pulled Jim’s arms from around his neck. “It’s almost time to go.”

During the entire ride to the hospital, Spock could feel Jim’s eyes on him. Spock only spared glances back himself when he was sure they could get away with it. He was not keen on giving his mother more of a reason to give him a teasing smirk.

In his father’s hospital room, Amanda starting talking to one of the doctors, who gave her detailed information on Sarek’s medicine and how his vitals should be looking. He was trying to listen as well, and commit all of this to memory, but it was rather distracting when he felt Jim reach out and discreetly brush their fingers together.

Spock noticed that his father seemed to be doing a lot better now, physically. Emotionally, he was still absent, speaking only with facts and telling Amanda that _hoping_ his leg was well enough to walk soon wasn’t actually going to help anything.

“Oh, you know what I mean.” She’d actually laughed in response and reached out to stroke her husband’s hair. To Spock’s surprise, Sarek actually seemed soothed by the touch, rather than annoyed.

While it was nice to have his father safe, this meant that Spock and Jim would be leaving for Earth on the next shuttle, tomorrow. He actually found he was greatly disappointed that he and Jim would not be able to marry before their departure. There just wasn’t a moment that they could slip away.

That is why he almost jumped at the chance for the two of them to go to the grocery store for his mother. She wanted to make them a big breakfast before they left, as well as something for Sarek to celebrate his recovery.

“We’re not actually going to the grocery store, are we?” Jim asked, side-eyeing him as they walked down the street.

“We are.” Spock nodded. “But we are getting married first.”

The elder’s chambers were sacred and in a deep part of the city. It was quiet and empty outside, and the same inside, apart from a woman that Spock did not know.

“Excuse me, I am looking for T’Pau.” Spock told her.

“She is not here.” The woman replied without looking at him. Her gaze was just fixated out the window at the Vulcan sunset.

“S-she isn’t?” Spock had been counting on her having returned from wherever she’d gone. After all, it’d been over twenty-four hours since T’Pring had said she’d left.

“She is not.” The woman stated again.

“But we _have_ to get married.” Jim said to Spock in an urgent whisper. Spock ignored the way his heart illogically leapt at hearing him say that.

“You are looking to have a marriage ceremony?” The woman seemed to take interest in the conversation for the first time. She turned away from the window to look at them now.

“I believe our credentials are in order.” Jim held out his arm so she could see his words. She merely looked down at them and then up at his face with an unamused expression.

Spock ignored Jim nudging him with his elbow. Only after a second, somewhat rougher nudge, did Spock push up his sleeve and show her his own words.

“T’hy’la…” She murmured, her eyebrows going up as she looked between them.

“That is correct.” Spock nodded. “We were looking to be bonded before we departed back to Earth…however, if T’Pau is not in, then I am unsure we will be able to find anyone experienced enough to meld us.” He tried to ignore his own hypocrisy, considering he took a very big risk when he melded T’Pring and her daughter with no experience.

“You can see T’Pol.” The woman said. “She is T’Pau’s apprentice and has been training for many years to be able to meld the minds of others in our sacred ceremonies, though she has yet to perform a marriage on her own, I am sure she will be willing.”

The name was familiar to him, but he could not think of why, considering he had not been to these chambers since he dissolved his bond with T’Pring, and T’Pau had done it alone then.

They followed the woman down a hallway lined with closed doors, where the humming silence of many Vulcans in deep meditation greeted them, as well as the scents of fire and oils.

“It smells like your house.” Jim whispered.

They came to a halt at the door at the end of the hallway. The woman knocked before cracking it enough for her to poke her head in. She and the person inside spoke in hushed Vulcan, so that Spock had to strain to listen. Even then, he only caught a few snippets of words.

“T’Pol will marry you.” The woman said with a nod before going back down the hallway the way they’d come.

Spock opened the door further and he and Jim went inside. It was T’Pau’s chamber, more or less the same it had been the last time he was here. Only now, a much younger person sat cross-legged on the floor.

She had very short hair and wore yellow robes. She was also very beautiful, and Spock realized instantly where he knew her name. From ages twelve to seventeen, they’d been in the same class in school.

“Hello, Spock. And Spock’s mate.” She greeted, her eyes going up to each of them in turn.

“Hey.” Jim smiled and gave her a wave. “So, you can marry us?”

“Indeed.” She nodded. “Sit, both of you.”

They exchanged looks before sitting down in front of her. Spock assumed the kneel that was to be expected during ceremonies such as this. Jim sort of sat in a lazy tangle of limbs, one knee up.

“You are t’hy’la…” She asked, looking between them.

“Correct.” Spock said.

“Such a bond is very rare…It has not been seen on Vulcan since your father.” She said, looking him in the eye with a hint of something that may have been a smile.

“I am aware.”

“Yet…you do not want any witnesses for your marriage.” She raised an eyebrow.

“No, it’s sort of a secret…” Jim started, and then blushed. “For…no reason.”

Spock suppressed a sigh. T’Pol did not seem to think this was odd, however, and merely rose up in the same kneeling position. Jim seemed to catch on, and copied them.

“Then we shall begin.” She reached out and placed a hand on the side of each of their faces. Spock felt her presence in his mind but fought to keep his eyes open so that he could watch Jim. He was shaking slightly, and Spock knew that he was not used to having such a powerful presence in his mind. “I am now going to unify Spock, son of Sarek, and James, son of George…”

Jim was now shaking fully, and Spock knew T’Pol was reading deep into his mind, deeper than even Spock had gone, if she were able to know his name and the name of his father.

Spock looked across the small gap between them and tried desperately to send calming feelings to Jim through T’Pol. She was such an experienced melder that she seemed to sense this, and helped pass it to Jim, who stopped shaking and gaze Spock a smile before closing his eyes. Spock closed his own eyes now and let her continue.

❖ ❖ ❖

Jim felt very weird as they walked back to Spock’s parents’ house, groceries in hand. Not only was it super weird to have someone digging around in his head like that, but the strangest part was that afterwards, Spock’s presence didn’t fade from his mind like it usually did –instead, it was still in his head, making him hyperaware of Spock’s every step next to him.

“What took you so long?” Amanda asked as they set the groceries down on the counter and began unpacking them.

Jim froze, one hand holding a can suspended in the air. He didn’t even realize they’d need some sort of excuse. Traffic, he thought to himself…no, they hadn’t driven. Line?

“There was quite a line.” Spock said from the other side of the kitchen.  
Jim looked over and locked eyes with Spock. Had they just shared thoughts? Could they do that now? Or was that just a coincidence?

As the night went on, Jim was practically itching to get his hands on Spock. They were married. Married! And Spock’s parents were completely oblivious to it. Jim tried to send all sorts of loving and affectionate thoughts Spock’s way, but Spock’s face was as impassive as always, so Jim wasn’t even sure he was getting them.

“We must be getting to bed soon.” Spock said. “We have a long journey home.”

“Definitely.” Jim tried not to sound overly enthusiastic, but then realized he probably failed.

“Amanda, why don’t you set up the couch for Jim?” Sarek said.

“Oh, Sarek, they don’t mind sharing a room.” She chuckled. “You’re so old fashioned…”

“Illogical.” Sarek shook his head. “It is not as if they are married.”

Jim laughed, but was able to disguise it as a bad cough when everyone looked at him. This time, Spock did not suppress his sigh of annoyance.

So, Jim wound up spending his wedding night sleeping on the couch, with his husband several walls away. As Jim laid there under a quilt and tried not to sweat to death, he felt as if he could hear Spock’s voice in his head.

_“Do not worry Jim, we be together tomorrow.”_

_“Hey, that’s so weird…but good weird. God, I love you…Spock? Spock?”_

He wasn’t sure if Spock could hear him back or not. Well, he’d get the hang of it eventually.

❖ ❖ ❖

Jim spent the shuttle ride home holding Spock’s hand and trying to get him as worked up as possible. He didn’t know how he could seem so calm and unaffected after spending their wedding night _not_ having sex.

He watched Spock out of the corner of his eye, but Spock just looked as impassive as always. At least Spock was well-rested for the trip. Jim had laid burning up under a blanket that smelled like sehlat.

As they stepped off the shuttle and onto the platform, Jim gasped. The entire place was strung up with Christmas lights, and there was a wreath hanging over the chronometer on the wall.

 “Geez, that’s jarring…I guess I didn’t realize…” Jim shook his head as they went outside. “That means we only have a little while before we can be official!”

“Yes.” Spock nodded. He seemed collected, but Jim was sure he could feel Spock’s excitement in his head.

“So, I was thinking we could go to your place…” Jim grinned. “So…I can help you unpack, I mean.”

“That would be greatly appreciated. But shouldn’t you be catching up on the schoolwork you missed?”

“You’re not gonna be one of those husbands that _nags_ all the time, are you?” Jim laughed.

“Perhaps not all the time.”

“I’ll tell you what.” He took out his phone and started typing. “I’ll email my teachers and ask for the stuff. It’ll probably take a few hours for them all to send it, so I have some time to kill before I gotta go work on it…”

“Perhaps it would be beneficial to spend that time…together?”

This time, Jim was definitely sure he felt Spock’s excitement.

❖ ❖ ❖

They weren’t even through the door for ten seconds, before Jim felt Spock grab him and roughly slam him against the wall and kiss him.

Jim kissed him back, sucking on his tongue in the way that he knew Spock went crazy for, as he tried to ignore the pain of being slammed around.

“Did I hurt you?” Spock whispered when their lips parted.

“Just a little…” Jim grinned. “It’s okay. That was pretty hot.”

They tore at each other’s shirts as they went towards the bedroom. Spock picked Jim up, and Jim eagerly wrapped his legs around Spock’s waist, pressing their naked chest together as Spock opened the bedroom door and they collapsed onto the mattress.

“God, I missed you…so much.” Jim whispered as he straddled Spock’s waist and reached for one of his hands.

“Jim, we were only apart for one night…” Spock said, and then gasped as Jim’s mouth latch onto one of his fingers.

“I know, and it sucked.” Jim sighed. “I don’t ever wanna be apart again…I want…I want us to live together.”

“Jim…” Spock whispered, his eyes closing at the pleasure of Jim’s lips on his fingers. “We cannot…perhaps afterwards…”

“I know, I know.” He grumbled. “The stupid rules. It’s driving me insane! I mean, I love you, and we’re married! We should be able to do whatever we want!”

“We only have a few more days.” Spock pulled his hand from Jim’s mouth and instead began to gently stroke the side of his face.

“Right…” Jim leaned down and kissed him again. “I want…I want you to do something for me.” He slowly began to grind down on Spock, feeling him grow harder beneath him. “I want you…inside of me.”

“Jim…are you sure?” Spock looked surprised, but then sighed in pleasure as Jim continued rocking his hips.

“Yes. Yes, I wanna feel you inside me.” Jim whispered. “Please…”

“Very well, my love.” Spock gently grabbed Jim by the hips and flipped them over.

Jim took a shaky breath and tried to relax as he felt Spock undo his pants and pull them off, soon followed by his underwear. He kept his eyes on Spock as he opened the nightstand drawer and got the lube.

“You will tell me if I hurt you?” Spock asked as he opened the bottle and carefully coated his fingers.

“You won’t hurt me.”

Jim bit his lip in anticipation as Spock’s slick fingers began stroking at his entrance. He moaned softly and closed his eyes. He felt on finger gently push in as Spock’s other hand laid flat against his chest, sending him relaxing emotions.

The finger slipped further in, and Jim felt himself relaxing and really enjoying the way his sensitive muscles reacted to the movement.

“I am not hurting you?” Spock asked.

“No, it’s good.” Jim sighed in contentment.

“Tell me how this feels…” Spock’s voice was thick with lust. A second later, the finger in Jim pushed further and twisted, pressing something inside of him.

“God…Fuck!” Jim gasped, and almost jumped up, his hands twisting into the blankets beneath him.

“Does it feel good?” Spock gave him a slight smirk as his finger brushed his prostate once more.

“God… _yes._ ” Jim gasped again. “I’m pretty sure you know…” He remembered the way Spock always moaned like crazy when Jim did that. He knew it must have felt good, but now he really understood. It felt fucking amazing.

“Jim, relax.” Spock said, and Jim realized he’d been tensing up again.

“S-sorry…” Jim breathed and tried to relax.

Spock began fingering him again and Jim moaned as Spock added a second finger. He couldn’t keep his hips still as the fingers stretched him and rubbed at his prostate. His ears were ringing at the sound of his own moans.

“God, please don’t stop…” Jim whined as the fingers pulled out of him.

“I am going to penetrate you know, my husband.” Spock growled as he forced Jim’s legs apart and began to slick himself up with the lube.

He gasped as he felt Spock lean over him, and then felt the head of his cock gently slide against his opening before pushing inside. Jim moaned, spurring him on before Spock was completely inside of him.

“Oh…my god.” Jim gasped and shuddered as Spock began to slowly move inside him.

“Am I…hurting you?” Spock asked, slowing down.

“No, God, faster…please, faster.” He completely forgot his aversion to begging.

Jim moaned as Spock gripped his hips tightly before rhythmically thrusting into him. He’d never known, before, how good this felt. And to think he’d let Spock bottom every time before. He was just glad Spock seemed to now have the confidence to be on top.

His throat felt raw as he started to scream. With every thrust, he could feel Spock against that part deep inside him. It was a lot like the feeling of when Spock had made him orgasm telepathically. He was already so close.

Suddenly, Spock stopped, his fingers still digging into Jim’s hips, pressing the flesh to the bones. He could feel Spock’s breath tense against his neck. Jim opened his eyes and gasped, his breathing ragged.

“Spock…what? Why did you stop?” He desperate rocked his hips, the head of his cock brushing against Spock’s body. Spock didn’t say anything. Jim could feel Spock’s breath catching in his throat. “Are you trying not to come? I’m close too…together…please.”

At this, Spock wordlessly leaned up and kissed Jim again. Jim wrapped his arms around Spock’s neck as he felt his orgasm take hold. He moaned loudly, Spock’s mouth taking it all as his come covered his own stomach. He felt Spock tense and growl deep in his throat, and he knew Spock was coming inside of him.

“God…I never knew…how amazing that would be.” Jim gasped as Spock pulled out of him.

“Indeed.” Spock’s voice was still thick with lust as he collapsed on to the bed next to Jim.

They laid breathing for a while, unspoken words and feelings of love passing between their heads. Jim knew he had a lot of homework waiting for him, not to mention the work that Spock missed and now had to see about.

Jim’s earlier confession of wanting to live together still hung in his head, but he didn’t dare bring it up, even if Spock could probably read it in his head. It was stupid to say such a thing when there was no way it could happen.

_“You need not leave so soon.”_

Jim heard Spock in his head as he climbed off the bed and began searching for his clothes, but he pretended he heard nothing. He zipped up his pants and went to the living room, where his shoes and overnight bag had been left.

Spock was entered the room, dressed again, right as Jim was lacing up his boots. “Homework, ya’ know?” Jim gave him a small smile.

“Yes…” Spock whispered, his voice fragile. “I have work as well…”

“I’m sorry…” Jim sighed, his entire body seemed to droop. “I shouldn’t have said…what I said. It was just the heat of the moment…”

“You were right.” Spock’s posture was straight, but he was not looking at Jim. “It is only logical for you to want that for us. I…I suggested getting married on Vulcan even though I knew it would not truly change anything about what we could be on Earth. It is my fault…the heat of the moment.”

“No, way.” Jim crossed the room in a flash and wrapped his arms around Spock. “I don’t regret it. Not at all! I love that we did that. We just have to wait a little longer…just a little longer.”

His hands went up to Spock’s face, where he gently kissed him goodbye. He tried desperately to believe his own confidence and not let sadness get to him lest Spock feel it, but by the time he left the apartment and started down the street, he was shaking again.

❖ ❖ ❖

Jim started to feel only marginally better over the day, only because he was too busy to feel sorry for himself. Not only did he have a lot of work to catch up on, but he also had to email all of his teachers and explain his absence in a way that they knew it was an emergency, but without giving away any details.

It was a free period, and where Jim would usually find a way to spend this time at Spock’s, today, he found himself in the library trying to copy the notes Nyota had given him. He was just glad she had super neat handwriting, so they were easy to read.

His mind kept wandering to Spock. His husband. He was married, and they were the only two that knew. It was simultaneously exciting and depressing. Could Spock sense that Jim was thinking about him? Jim’s wrist was starting to ache with carpal tunnel, so he stopped writing and closed his eyes. He opened them again when he could hear voices from behind the nearest shelf.

“You made those?” one voiced asked in a familiar accent.

“Sure, it was easy. I made the snacks too…well, not all by myself…” a second voice said.

“But you cannot cook!”

“I can cook just fine!”

“Making cereal is not cooking, Hikaru!”

“Hey, you guys!” Jim hissed, glad for an actual distraction.

“Oh, hey!” Hikaru and Pavel peeked out from behind the shelf and approached his table. “You’re back then? I heard you went out of town for something?” Hikaru sat on the end of the table. Pavel also looked interested, leaning his elbows on the table.

“It was nothing important.” Jim brushed it aside. “So, what’s that stuff?” He eyed the rolls of paper poking out of Hikaru’s bag.

“Some signs I made for the botany club. The recruitment is this afternoon.” He slipped one out and unrolled it. The art was substantially better than the ones Jim had made with Nyota.

“Oh yeah!” Jim quickly slammed one his textbooks and began packing up. “I promised Ny that I’d help her set up stuff for recruiting for the xenolinguistics club.” Anything to get out of doing homework.

“You can walk with us.” Pavel said. “I am helping Hikaru set up for his club.”

“If we get at least twelve members for next semester, then we can go on a trip to this one special lab. They have plant specimens from all over the galaxy. This is the kinda stuff I’ve always wanted to see!” Hikaru said excitedly.

“You are such a nerd, Hikaru.” Pavel giggled.

“You’re a nerd!”

Hikaru laughed and tried to ruffle Pavel’s hair, but he quickly ducked out of the way. Jim suppressed a sigh and tried not to let it get to him. Oh, to be able to be affectionate in public…he really shouldn’t be feeling jealous over something so dumb.

“I could have done it on my own. I know you have make-up work to do.” Nyota said from the other side of the banner they were hanging above the classroom door. Somehow, she actually had managed to fix the parts he’d messed up.

“It’s fine.” Jim assured her. “Besides, I promised you I’d help.”

“That is nice of you.” She smiled. “And it was very nice of you to go with Spock after what happened…you really can be decent sometimes…so, I don’t know why you’re such a jerk sometimes.”

“Gee, thanks.” He rolled his eyes and tried not to grin. “Maybe I really will let you on my ship when I’m captain.”

Even though all of the clubs met at different times, they were all recruiting that afternoon in this building. The xenolinguistics club was in its usual classroom, and he could hear Hikaru and Pavel across the hall where the botany club was recruiting.

Jim helped Nyota set up the snacks on one of the table (she smacked his hand when he tried to steal one) and soon, other members were showing up as well in anticipation for the new recruits. Nyota made them all promise to talk about how much fun the club was and how much they’d learned from it.

When the potential members started showing up, Jim spent the first hour talking up the club, as well as attempting to impress them by speaking Vulcan. It seemed to work, as he saw several people go to a table Nyota had set for people to sign up. Even Christine was nudging McCoy in the direction of the sign-ups, but he kept declining, insisting he had no use for learning another language.

As the afternoon wore on, the club members in each classroom began to spill out into the hallway and mingle. Several people from the xenolinguistics club went to other rooms to check out those clubs, and even Jim was sort of interested in the chess club. He was about to check on it at the far end of the hallway, when he caught Spock’s name in the crowd.

“Where is Professor Spock?” Someone from the xenolinguistics club asked. “Uhura said she’d kill us all if we didn’t show up today, and he gets to skip out?”

“Who cares where Professor Pointy is?” Jim laughed, as he remembered to put on his persona of someone who was greatly annoyed by Spock’s presence. Inside, he was thinking that it was weird that Spock wasn’t here yet.

“Didn’t you hear what happened on Vulcan?” Someone else. It was a girl whose name Jim couldn’t remember, even as she eyed him with a glare. “It was on the news. There was some kind of attack…”

“That…sucks.” Jim tried to sound as if it was news to him.

“Didn’t think you’d care, Kirk.” The first student said, crossing his arms.

“What? Sure, I mean, the guy’s annoying, but I don’t wish anything bad on him.” He blushed, ignoring the pang of guilt. “He’s just really fun to mess with…speak of the pointy-eared devil…”

It was strange, yet exciting, for Jim to be able to sense Spock’s presence. He turned around to see Spock standing at the end of the hallway. He looked as he usually did during club meetings; crisp and proper in his uniform, his posture impossible rigid.

He watched as Spock cut through the crowd, a somewhat annoyed look on his face as he was forced to brush past so many people. He finally came to stand by Jim, and Jim tried to ignore the pounding in his heart.

“Good evening. I apologize for being late.” Spock said to Nyota, who was approaching the group.

“Don’t worry, we managed to have fun without you.” Jim said just loud enough for him to hear.

There were the usual giggles from people who were used to the banter, as well as the surprised head-turns of people who weren’t. Spock just kept his posture and stared straight ahead.

“I suppose you are planning to remain in the club next semester?”

“Of course.” Jim crossed his arms. “I guess you’re sticking around too?”

“Of course.” Spock gave him a glare, but did not look into his eyes.

“Maybe we can all chill out and get along…” The girl student said with very nervous laughter. Spock and Jim both spoke at the same time.

“I do not need to _chill out._ ”

“I highly doubt it. I already told you, he’s fun to mess with.” Jim knew he was stepping on thin ice when he reached out to poke Spock on the tip of the ear.

“Do not _touch_ me.” Spock kept his eyes ahead, but reached out to grab Jim around the wrist.

Jim gasped, the tingling feeling in his skin rising up along with the bond in his mind sending his nerves wild. Everyone nearby looked on with wide eyes, and several other people in the hallway turned to look over. Most likely people misconstrued Jim’s gasp as one for pain.

“Let go of me…” Jim said through clenched teeth, inwardly begging his body not to give anything away. Hopefully the color rising in his face could be taken as a sign of fury, as could the fact that both of his hands were shaking, including the one still in Spock’s grasp.

“You are extremely callous, Cadet.” Spock was still glaring at something just above Jim’s ear. “I think it is time that you learn to respect –“

“Why don’t you make me!?” Jim said, his voice loud to hide the trembling. All this did was attract the attention of even more people, who shushed one another’s conversations in order to look on.

“…What did you say to me?” Spock’s eyes snapped to Jim’s face now, and Jim felt himself shake harder.

He was aware of the ghost-like silence that seemed to have fallen over the crowded hallway. Every pair of eyes seemed to be on them now; mostly Cadets, but even a few of the teachers who sponsored the clubs.

The only sound other than the pounding of his own heart in his ears was the distant conversations and laughter from inside the classrooms, all people completely oblivious to the confrontation just outside. Jim tried to wrench his hand out of Spock’s grip, but Spock did not let up.

“I said, _make me!”_

They finally locked gazes, and Jim knew it was all over. The link between their minds seemed to be going off like an alarm. It was hard to say who acted first, though Spock had the upper hand of speed. Spock dropped Jim’s hand in favor of grabbing him around the face and kissing him.

As Jim kissed him back, there were several gasps and screams and even one wolf-whistle from somewhere near the far end of the hallway. A second later, they both seemed to collectively realize what they were doing and jumped several feet apart.

There was something like horror on Jim’s face, and he was shaking so hard he thought his knees would give out. Spock looked greener than Jim had ever seen him as they stared at one another with the same words back and forth between their heads.

_“Oh no.”_

Jim finally tore his eyes from Spock’s face and looked around the hallway. In the sea of shocked faces, he saw Christine and Nyota wearing matching looks of surprise. Behind them, McCoy was grimacing. Just outside the door to the botany club, Hikaru was shaking with silent laughter, and Pavel was staring back at Jim with a pitying look.

“What’s the big deal?” Jim’s voice crackled. “Haven’t you ever seen a guy kiss his husband before?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O: i did not see that end coming!
> 
> oh wait, yeah i did bc it was one of the first scenes ever planned for this story.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial.

The next twelve hours were very warped for Jim. He couldn’t believe that had actually happened. He actually kissed Spock in front of half the school.

“You’re exaggerating.” McCoy had said after Jim got back to the room and proceeded to freak out. “It was more like…one-twentieth of the entire school. It _was_ probably everyone in our entire class, though.”

“Thanks, Bones.”

The seconds following the kiss felt both like a fuzzy haze, and like a perfect picture in his head. He remembered the way Spock looked; horror struck and green. He remembered everyone staring at them, and then Spock bolted, cutting through the crowd and actually bumping into people.

Jim tore after him. He was halfway down the hall when he felt someone roughly grab him by the upper arm. He glanced around and only took in the dark uniform of some teacher.

“Let go of me!” Jim snarled, trying to wrench his arm out of their grip. Surprisingly, they let go, and Jim kept running. Spock had just disappeared around a corner, but he was gone by the time Jim caught up.

He could hear shouting behind him and in back of his brain he recognized the voices of his friends, but he didn’t wait for them. He just kept going until he hit his dorm room. He didn’t dare go to Spock’s –not when he was almost going to pass out from the influx of negative emotions through the bond.

This was not the sort of thing that faded away overnight, though Jim gave it the benefit of the doubt. The next morning, he figured both the school and Spock would have had sufficient cool-down time. He found himself waiting outside of Spock’s classroom, but no one ever came.

“You’re looking for him, aren’t you?”

Jim glanced up from his phone. He’d been pointedly ignoring his email, should he receive his expulsion notice, but he’d been watching his texts, so he hadn’t heard the cadet approaching.

“Y-yeah.” He blushed slightly.

“He isn’t coming. He just sent us our work through email…” She smiled shyly. “So…is it true? Did you really…kiss him?”

“I guess this isn’t gonna blow over?” He sighed before setting off. “Thanks.”

 It took him only the next few minutes to realize going to class wasn’t an option. As he started across campus, people laughed or shouted something inappropriate when he walked by. Those who weren’t talking about him, looked as if they were just waiting for him to get past so they _could_ talk about him.

He skipped out on going to his first class turned straight around, and headed back to the dorm room. He couldn’t get three feet without someone yelling at him. At this point, twelve hours after it happened, the story was so skewed, that someone actually asked him if it was true that he had sex with Professor Spock on the classroom floor. The fact that he was probably already expelled was all the excuse Jim needed to break the guys nose.

 >> Please…I need to talk to you.

|| Your message was not delivered. The recipient has been disconnected from service.

Jim stared down at the same little red alert that had popped up the last dozen times Jim had tried to text Spock. He was going insane sitting in his room all day.

There wasn’t any point in doing school work if he was already expelled, but he didn’t want to check his email to see if he _was_ expelled. He just wanted to talk to Spock, who he had a feeling was _pushing_ Jim out of his mind. Jim sat up in bed, breathing in the silence that was left behind since McCoy was in class.

_“Spock…please. I need you…I’m sorry.”_

He was starving, and bored, and pissed off. Last night felt like a nightmare…though, with hints of a dream come true. He’d always wanted to kiss Spock in public…for people to _know._ What a simple thing to want.

“Hey.”

Jim nearly jumped out of his skin when the door opened. McCoy dropped his bag on his bed and started into his usual studying routine.

“Hey.” Jim replied gloomily, wrapping himself up in his comforter and laying on the bed facing the wall. He strangely felt like he wanted to cry, but did not want McCoy to see that.

“You didn’t go to your class this morning?” McCoy asked.

“Nope.” Jim sighed. “I’ve really fucked up…I’m getting kicked out.”

Jim could practically hear the “I tried to tell you” that hung in the air, but he was immensely grateful that McCoy didn’t actually say it.

“I’m sorry, kid. I know how hard it was on you…I know you love him.” McCoy said, mumbling the last bit. “But, I gotta ask…is it true?”

“What do you mean? You saw the whole thing.”

“Not _that._ What you said after…you told everyone that he was your husband. I can’t wrap my head around why you’d lie about that if it just made everything worse, so…I figured you weren’t lying.”

“I…said that?” Jim sat up again, still wrapped within the blanket. “I told everyone he was my husband?”

“Well, yeah.” He chuckled. “You don’t remember?”

“It’s all so blurry…” Jim shook his head. “But, yeah. It’s true. On Vulcan. We sort of…eloped. It was really impulsive, and this girl did it really low key…no witnesses or anything.” He still remembered how weird it felt to have a stranger in his head.

“…Wow.” He chuckled again. “You…I guess I could see you doing something like that. But Spock?”

“It was Spock’s idea. He’s not like everyone thinks he is. He’s not some repressed nerd.” Jim was very passionate about that. His heart still pounded as he remembered some of the wilder things Spock had done over the course of their relationship.

“Have you heard anything from…anyone?” McCoy tried to ask casually, but Jim knew he was just as worried as Jim himself was.

“I haven’t checked. I can’t bear to see the word _expelled_ right now.” He sighed. “I just…this was never supposed to happen! I was supposed to graduate and get my own ship. He…he never got to have that.” Jim rarely thought of his father, since he didn’t even have his own memories to think of, but somehow he always knew that his father was part of the reason he wanted what he did.

“Maybe it’s not that bad…what does Spock say?”

Jim flopped back onto the bed and rolled to face the wall. “I haven’t heard from him. His phone’s disconnected…I don’t think he wants to see me. He…he blames me, I think.” Jim felt that weird urge to cry again.

“What?!” McCoy shut one of his books loudly. “He was the one who kissed you.”

“Was he?” It was still a blur to Jim.

“That’s the way it looked to me. Anyways, this isn’t the damn dark-ages. There’s gotta be another way for you to talk to him if his phone’s out.”

“I’ll try again later.”

Jim’s breathing shook as he closed his eyes again. Reaching out to Spock was pointless. He was never to do anything before but _receive_ thought and emotions, and now he wasn’t even getting those. It was like Spock was pushing him out.

This time, Jim did cry. He pulled the blankets over his head and tried to pretend he was sleeping, but it was pointless. His whole body shook, and soon his pillow was soaked. After a while, he felt McCoy’s hand on his back through the blankets.

“This sucks.” Jim said bitterly. “What if…what if he hates me now?”

“Then he’s gonna have to answer to me.” He knew it was a joke, but Jim couldn’t crack a smile. He just ripped back the blankets and mumbled something about taking a shower. At least in there he could cry undisturbed.

He waited until majority of the school was in classes, before going to the dining hall. Eating didn’t make him feel better, nor did sucking up the courage to check his email. There was something from Nyota that he was too embarrassed to read, but there was nothing from Starfleet.

Afternoon classes rolled around, and Jim still didn’t go. He’d changed into pajamas after his shower, and was now working on all of the coursework he was behind on. Even with diligence and checking his answers several times over, he finished it with still several hours before nightfall.

He knew he just would not feel better until he saw Spock. He was almost angry as he yanked on jeans and a t-shirt. How dare Spock do this to him? Jim wasn’t the only one responsible…it was like McCoy had said –Spock was the one who kissed him! And…if not, well, it takes two to tango.

Though anger fueled him as he left the building and started across campus, nerves took its place as he left the campus and started down the sidewalk.

It was so weird to be nervous…almost _afraid_ to see Spock. Even on that first night, he’d visited Spock’s apartment with a sort of swagger. Now he was just deflated inside.

“Spock, I know you’re in there!” Jim whined after pounding on the door for several minutes. “Don’t make me use the code!”

He was already turning towards the keypad. He half expected it not to work. If Spock was pushing Jim out of his head, then it wasn’t very farfetched to think he’d changed the passcode too, but there was a beep, and it opened.

The usual cozy atmosphere that Jim came to associate with Spock’s was gone. It was oddly cold, and there was no relaxing scent of incense. Jim immediately felt uneasy, and he realized something else as his eyes swept the room; all of the lights were all off.

The coats that usually hung on the rack by the door were gone, and Jim’s insides clenched uncomfortably as he poked his head in the kitchen and saw that all of the appliances were shut off.

“No…” Jim backed up slowly. Had Spock really run out on him? Was that why Jim couldn’t hear him in his head anymore? What if he wanted a divorce…how would that even work?

Jim bolted down the hall and opened the bedroom door. It was completely shrouded in darkness, aside from a few small lights on the computer at the desk. Jim took a few zombie-like steps forward, unsure of anything to do other than sink onto the bed and cry, when his foot caught on something.

He heard someone else cry out softly as he landed hard on the floor, scraping one hand on the carpet. “Hey, what the hell?” Jim scrambled to his feet and reached towards the wall for the light switch.

He’d tripped over Spock, who was sitting cross-legged on his meditation mat. Jim stood rigidly still, one hand still on the wall as he stared down at Spock. Spock just looked back at him.

“What the hell!?” Jim repeated. “I was knocking for like ten minutes!”

“I…I did not hear you.” Spock said, his voice quiet.

Jim’s eyes moved around the room. It was very off. There was the suitcase open on the bed, the bottom layered with folded clothes. There were several more stacks of folded clothes and other items laying on the bed as well, as if Spock had been interrupted when packing.

“You…you were going to run away?” Jim felt sick again, as if his insides were coiling tightly. There was a painful lump in his throat when he tried to swallow. “You were going to leave me?”

“You must understand…I thought it best.” His voice was so quiet; Jim could barely hear him. Jim stepped away from the wall and sat down beside him. “I did not expect to see you hear…”

“Of course I was gonna come looking for you when you didn’t talk to me!” Jim felt so weird to be practically yelling, when Spock was whispering. “Your phone was off.”

“An…immature move on my part.” Spock said. “I was simply trying to delay any messages from Starfleet that I may have been sent.” At that, Jim actually almost cracked a smile. It seems they had the same idea.

“I couldn’t…” Jim started, but found himself unable to phrase it. It seemed almost silly to complain about it. So what if Spock had closed him out for a while? It wasn’t unreasonable, considering what happened. “I mean…I tried to reach out to you.”

“I…I did not react as I should have.” Spock sighed, his posture slacking. “It was very un-Vulcan for me to react the way that I did last night once I returned home. I believe the phrase _emotional breakdown_ applied.”

Jim didn’t know what to say. He drew his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them, watching Spock closely, and noticing something he hadn’t before. Spock must have been crying, as the whites of his eyes were tinged bloodshot-green.

“I’m sorry…” Jim whispered. “This is all my fault.”

Spock furrowed his brow and looked at Jim strangely for a second. “Jim…I was the one who kissed you. I was under the impression you would be angry with me, which is why I did not try and find you.”

“ _What?”_ Jim’s voice crackled a bit. “It was so my fault! I provoked you! If you hadn’t kissed me…then I would have kissed you. I…really wanted to, anyways. I’m sick of hiding.”

“I…I thought that you were angry with me…I thought that you were unreceptive to me in our link.”

“I was not! I don’t even know how to do anything with that link! I thought it was you pushing _me_ out.” He was quickly realizing how stupid they were both being. All of this could have been avoided if they had stayed with one another last night.

As they sat in one another’s company, and their breathing synced up, Jim was aware of the tiny pulse in his head that was very much Spock. He didn’t try and hide his smile at this.

“Perhaps it was the stress…” Spock said. “We are both adjusting…I must reiterate that I have never had such a bond before. Even my betrothal bond was unwanted. I never attempting to communicate with T’Pring…I did not intend to hurt you.”

“Spock…” Jim leaned over and practically fell into Spock’s lap, wrapping his arms around his neck and pressing his face into his shoulder. “I…I can’t believe you thought I was mad at you.”

“You believed that I was angry at you, as well.” Spock pointed out, shifting so that Jim was sitting in his lap. Jim felt Spock slip his hands beneath his shirt and begin stroking his back. The calming feeling was nice, but Jim was still worked up.

“I know but…” Jim trailed off, breathing deeply the scent of his lover. He just couldn’t believe Spock had cried over it. Spock had really thought it was all his fault; that Jim blamed him. “Were you…going to leave? You were packing…”

“I contemplated it last night, when I thought we would both be removed from Starfleet. Somewhere during it all, I calmed down long enough to meditate. I have been at it for hours.”

“Has it helped?” Jim asked.

“I believe so.” Spock said, though he still sounded as if he was full of underlying emotion.

“Spock…it’s not your fault. I just want you to know that. I don’t even think it’s _my_ fault, as stupid as that sounds. It was no one’s fault, because it was inevitable, I think. We were never gonna last keeping it a secret! Hell, it took all my willpower not to kiss you all the time…it was about time one of us broke.”

“I was the one who persisted, all those months ago.” Spock said, turning his face away. “I kept inviting you over, even though I knew what we were doing was wrong. Perhaps, if we had not been so comfortable with one another, we would not have slipped up.”

“Hey, for the last time, it’s not your fault.” Jim said, leaning back to look him in the face. “I knew what I was doing every single time I came to see you, and I didn’t care. I did it anyways, because we’re meant to be together. And, honestly, fuck this place for keeping us apart!”

Spock still looked both tired and not fully convinced. Mediation may have helped his emotional breakdown, but it did nothing for real rest. Jim climbed out of Spock’s lap, and contemplated the bed before just pushing the clothes and things to the floor.

He turned back and took Spock’s hand and pulled him to the bed, throwing the covers back. Spock wordlessly got in bed and Jim climbed in beside him. Spock’s arm went around him in that all too familiar position.

“Maybe it really is no one’s fault.” Jim chuckled. “Maybe we’re just like this.”

“They do say it is impossible for soulmates to be apart. Perhaps it is true after all.”

Jim knew it was true. If they were getting kicked out…well, then they’d just have to start a life elsewhere. Jim pictured packing his own bag and going with Spock back to Vulcan. Or, maybe back to Riverside.

He fell asleep and had a strange dream. He imagined the two of them in his mother’s house, eating corn and tending to the farm. Somewhere along the line, they’d had a baby, and when Jim looked in the crib, the face of a sehlat stared up at him.

It was dark out when he woke up. Spock was at the computer, his profile lit by the glow of the screen. “Jim…have you received any messages from Starfleet?” Spock asked when Jim sat up in bed.

“Nah…” His head was still fuzzy with sleep. “Why? Have you?”

Spock didn’t say anything at first. He just glanced somewhat nervously from Jim back to the screen. Jim climbed out of bed and went to stand behind him so he could read the message on the screen.

“Wednesday…” Jim mumbled, his eyes moving back and forth across the screen. “Meeting…what does this mean?” He thought he knew, but he didn’t want to say it out loud, should he be wrong.

“They are agreeing to meet with us as planned.” Spock sounded just as stunned. “Though, I have a feeling it will be more of a trial than a civil discussion.”

“But…they aren’t kicking us out!?” Jim wanted to laugh. “We can still plead our case!” His weird vision of he and Spock on a farm rapidly reconstructed to one of he and Spock deployed in space after Jim’s graduation. It could still happen.

“How do you believe we do that?” Spock asked skeptically.

“Well, we just tell the truth, right?” Jim was now pacing the bedroom behind Spock’s chair. Even after he said it, he realized Spock was right. The truth wouldn’t sound so good. “Or, maybe we lie a little…”

“Lying on trial is called perjury, Jim.” Spock swiveled his seat to watch Jim pacing.

“Wha –“ Jim stopped in his tracks. “Well, we can’t very well tell them _everything..._ That we’ve been seeing each other for months…that we’ve gotten married.”

“You already told them.” Spock said monotonously.

“I thought it’d smooth things over…make it better.” Jim said awkwardly, but Spock just looked at him. “Well, it couldn’t have possibly made things worse!” Again, Spock just looked at him.

“I believe the smartest thing would be to compile a case, with all of the evidence to support us.” Spock turned back to the computer and began typing.

“What’s our defense?” Jim felt as if he were missing something crucial, as he leaned over the back of the chair.

“We simply tell them that we had no choice. We had to be together, because of the very nature of our relationship. The bond between t’hy’la is more powerful than the individuals who are bonded.”

“…They’ll buy that?” Jim couldn’t help but think it was kind of stupid. It was almost as if they were claiming insanity because they were so in love.

“It is the truth.” Spock said simply, and Jim guessed he was right. He knew they never could have stayed apart, even if they wanted to.

❖ ❖ ❖

Wednesday was fast approaching, and Jim and Spock most of the days before compiling a case. Over tea and coffee (Jim had finally broken down and admitted he needed real caffeine), they read once more over their defense.

“So, basically, we tell them they we tried to keep it professional, but that didn’t work.” Jim sipped his coffee and read over his padd. “What are we going to say when they ask what we mean?”

“The truth.” Spock said simply.

“Which is?” Jim rolled his eyes. Spock was hardly telling him anything, though he seemed to have it all figured out.

“Do you recall when you fell ill shortly after our first departure? It was necessary for us to meld to repair the bond…a marriage bond was also necessary afterwards, as I am not an experienced melder.”

“Hey, I thought you said that we only got link because we slept together! They’re gonna say I wouldn’t have gotten sick if we hadn’t spent the night together.”

“As I said before, a link occurring naturally has never been heard of. It was due to our compatible minds and therefore, there is no true telling of when it happened. It may have happened the first time we made skin-to-skin contact.

Jim smirked when he recalled that first time. He’d been eagerly waiting outside the classroom for Spock to give him a muffin. God, that felt like a lifetime ago. “Lying on a trial in called perjury, Spock.” Jim chuckled.

“It is not a lie, if we believe it to be true.” Spock pointed out, and Jim actually laughed out loud.

“I guess it’s all we have.”

Spock went to the kitchen to make them something to eat, and Jim went to the computer. He checked his own email, and saw he had the same message about the trial. That just got him thinking; was there anyone else who had the same trial?

Surely they weren’t the only relationship between two people of a different rank. He’d been feeling pretty bad, as it seemed like Spock was doing all the work. He did a few searches on the database, and actually did find one of the most recent trials.

Apparently, sometime after their last deployment, some commander was on trial for having a romantic relationship with the captain of the ship. The good news seemed to be that they were cleared of all charges, and it was only formality that they a trial in the first place. That was good for them, Jim thought.

Jim read through the report, stopping at the commander’s name. Why did that name sound familiar? He scrolled down further, past her picture, and actually did a double-take and scrolled back up. Besides the fact that she was very beautiful, he also couldn’t help but feel like he’d seen her before.

“Hey Spock, come here for a second!” Jim called.

Spock came to stand behind the chair and looked at the screen. Jim watched as recognition crossed his face, his eyebrows going up. “Number One.”

“Wha -- _Who_? You know this woman?” Jim glanced back to the screen.

“I met her briefly. She was Pike’s First Officer during his last deployment. She was in the process of getting her own ship, when I declined to take her place under Pike.”

“So…Pike must be the captain in the report.” Jim scrolled to the top so Spock could read the whole thing. “No wonder he kept nagging us…he knew from experience about breaking the rules. But look at this, they weren’t charged with anything. That’s a good sign, right?”

“Perhaps.” Spock said, but Jim wasn’t convinced. They were both thinking the same thing; that she and Pike weren’t charged because they most likely didn’t do anything exceptionally foolhardy, like elope.

For the first time in a while, he thought of his father, and not just in the sad sort of way he usually did. His father and mother had been different ranks on the Kelvin, did they have to have a trial too? Or maybe they met before they were deployed? He could ask his mom…he was actually starting to realize neither she nor Sam had any idea about Spock. He hadn’t meant to keep them in the dark, he just always felt weird talking to his family…

“Jim?”

“Sorry, I was…thinking about something.” Jim looked up, shaking his head slightly.

“I think this is a decent place to stop.” Spock reached over and turned off the computer. “We have done all we can. It is up to the council to decide, now.”

After dinner (vegetarian, of course) Jim helped Spock put away all the stuff he’d packed. Things seemed to be looking up, if only slightly, and Jim didn’t like the idea of Spock having a suitcase ready to leave with.

“I’ll wear my best, tomorrow. We’ll face this together, and if we get kicked out…we can start a new life together, as farmers.” Jim knew he had to leave, but was delaying. He sprawled out on the couch and rested his head in Spock’s lap.

“Farmers?”

“Sure. Back in Iowa.” He chuckled. “But, uh, we’d need to have a lot of kids to help with the harvest.”

“Children…” Spock looked as if in deep thought, his hand absentmindedly stroking Jim’s hair.

“I was just kidding.” Jim said when he was unable to read anything good or bad from Spock. “Unless…I don’t know…do you ever think about children?”

He half-expected Spock to say they shouldn’t talk about the future until after the trial, so he was surprised when Spock just nodded slowly.

“Yes…I think I would like to have children.”

“Like…right now? Cuz, I have some time...”

“Jim, delaying the inevitable is pointless. We should be well-rested for tomorrow.” Spock said, sounding like his usual self now. Jim sighed inwardly.

“I know, I know…”

He pushed down his worries long enough to sit up in Spock’s lap and kiss him slowly, both to hold them over until tomorrow, and to make their last kiss something private and intimate. Even afterwards, he couldn’t help but replay their public kiss over and over in his head.

As he walked home, he came to the conclusion that he really didn’t regret it, no matter what.

❖ ❖ ❖

“What about this shirt? Does this shirt make you wanna clear me of all charges?” Jim stepped out of the closet wearing a blue button-down shirt.

“It’s fine.” McCoy didn’t look up from his phone.

“You’re not even looking!”

“Dammit, Jim. It doesn’t matter what you wear. Everything’s gonna be fine. They can’t seriously hold it against you. Not if they’re willing to give you a trial at all.”

“That’s easy for you to say.” Jim decided to leave the shirt on. Maybe it didn’t really matter what they wore. All that mattered was their defense. He tried to run it over again in his mind, but he was blanking.

“Here.” McCoy looked up from his phone long enough to hand him a bottle of medicine. It was the same kind he gave Jim when he was nervous about midterms. “You know, you should get a real prescription…you’re a lot more nervous than you usually let on.”

“Maybe.” He mumbled as he took some of the medicine. Jim actually thought he had a point. It would be nice to feel like his insides weren’t twisted up all the time. “Who are you talking to? Christine?”

“Huh? No, it’s Spock.” He locked his phone and slipped it in his pocket.

“Spock?” Jim always got the impression they were just too different to get along.

“He’s just asking me for some details for the trial. He was asking about that time you got really sick…”

“Oh yeah…” Jim nodded. “Well, anything to help, right?”

“You two aren’t gonna lie, are you?” He raised an eyebrow at Jim, and Jim had to fight a smile at the way it made him resemble Spock.

“No, that’s called perjury. We’re just gonna…exaggerate the details.”

“Jim –“

“I gotta go.” Jim glanced at the alarm clock on his bedside and saw that it was still about half an hour before the trial started, but he couldn’t wait around the room anymore. “Wish me luck, man.”

“Good luck, hope you don’t get expelled.” McCoy placed a hand on Jim’s shoulder, steadying him one last time.

The medicine seemed to work by the time he was in the lift up to the tenth floor. He still felt nervous, but not like he was going to puke. When he stepped out into the hall, he smiled when he saw Spock was already there, dressed in his usual uniform.

“Are you ready for this?” Jim asked, coming to stand beside him.

“Yes.” Spock sounded confident.

“Oh. Good.” Jim wasn’t sure if Spock was putting on the confidence or not, but it put him more at ease anyways.

They could hear someone moving inside, and Jim’s heart hammered as he imagined a huge courtroom with a jury; hundreds of eyes on them…not unlike the way he looked after he and Spock had kissed in the crowded hallway.

Despite Spock being calmer, he too jumped slightly when the door whooshed open. A woman in a professor’s uniform stepped out. She was older, with short curly blonde hair. Jim recognized her as the same teacher that had grabbed his arm the night he’d kissed Spock. With a spike of anger, he wondered if she had been the one to report them.

“Cadet Kirk, Professor Spock.” She glanced between them. “You can come in.”

They exchanged one last look before filing in the room, Jim leading. It was a lot smaller than Jim had expected. He’d been picturing a courtroom like in movies, but instead it was more or less a large classroom, with polished floors and very high walls.

There was a long table in the center of the room with several chairs. On the other end was a higher table where Admiral Barrett sat in the middle. On one side of him, sat a very old teacher that Jim didn’t know. The blonde woman went to sit next to him.

As Jim walked to the other table, he glanced at who was sitting on the Admiral’s other side. Captain Pike was watching Jim with a somber face, and Jim couldn’t tell if he was disappointed or not. Beside Pike, Jim recognized Number One. Her arm was intertwined tightly with his, and could hear when she leaned in to whisper:

“He looks just like George!”

Pike just nodded one, his eyes never leaving Jim. Where Jim felt alright before, his mood now plummeted. He couldn’t look back at Pike any longer as he sat down at the seat farthest down. Spock sat at the chair at the other end, and Jim knew they were both thinking it might look better if they didn’t sit right next to each other.

“Let’s get this over with. Now,” Admiral Barrett raised his voice. “We all know why we’re here. You two are accused of entering a romantic relationship where one of you outranks the other; knowing well the conflicts and consequences that may arise, and the impact on Starfleet’s reputation.”

 _“Well, sure, it sounds bad if you say it like that.”_ Jim thought to himself.

 _“Indeed.”_ Spock’s voice was so clear in Jim’s head that he jumped slightly in his seat.

“How do you two plead?” Admiral Barrett glanced up from the files on the table in front of him.

“We plead guilty.” Spock said, standing up.

Jim turned to stare at him, his heart hammering in his chest. Sure, they couldn’t exactly deny it, but did Spock really have to say it like that? He turned back in his seat and reminded himself that Spock had a plan…though, Jim wished they’d gone over it one last time.

“Guilty?” Admiral Barrett looked at Jim now. “Do you agree with this plea?”

“Yes.” Jim started “—But”

“You are also accused of getting married, off-planet on Vulcan.” Barrett raised his voice slightly. “How do you plead?”

“Guilty.” Spock said calmly.

“Yes.” Jim cut in. “But –“

“ _Also,”_ Barrett glanced between them. “You flaunted this relationship in front of other students and teachers.”

“It wasn’t like that!” Jim said loudly, but they all ignored him.

“Guilty.” Spock nodded.

 _“Dude! You’re selling us out!”_ Jim screamed in his head, turning to stare bewildered at Spock. Even if Jim was never good at sending anything through the bond, Spock would have to be null not to hear that.

“But…” Admiral Barrett’s voice rose again, dragging back Jim’s attention. “I also understand that you’re asking for these charges to be dismissed.”

“Yes.” Spock nodded. Jim didn’t know how he could sound so calm.

“…On what grounds?”

“Admiral, are you familiar with the t’hy’la bond? Known in Standard, as soulmates?” Spock asked, walking around the other side of the table. He began casually pacing, now reminding Jim of lawyers he’d seen in movies.

“Of course.”

“And are you aware that Cadet Kirk and I have this bond, symbolized by words that have been on our arms since adolescence?”

“Well, that hardly matters, right?” The older man on the far end spoke up. Before, he’d been so slumped over that Jim thought he’d been asleep. “I mean, something like ninety-nine percent of humans have soulmates.”

“Correct.” Spock said, raising one finger. “However, the percentage is much lower on Vulcan. The bond is incredibly rare and sacred.”

“So, you’re saying you were only honoring Vulcan customs?” Number One asked, smirking in amusement.

“Correct.” Spock nodded.

“Well, you can’t argue with that. Can you, Kyle?” She asked Barrett with a laugh.

“ _Commander._ ” Barrett flustered slightly. “We’re hardly finished. Listen,” He looked back to Spock and Jim. “I’ve never had an issue with either of you. Your peers and colleagues speak highly of you both…I want to dismiss this as much as you want it dismissed. We have real problems in this federation other than _this._ But you have to give me a reason.”

“Admiral!” The older man spoke up again. “You aren’t honestly considering –“

“What do you think?” Barrett asked the blonde woman. She looked momentarily startled at being addressed.

“Oh…well…I agree. I mean, this is hardly serious.” She said.

“Here, here.” Number One laughed.

“What about you?” Barrett turned to his other side and spoke to Pike.

Pike locked eyes with Jim again, and Jim tried to look impassive. He wasn’t going to silently beg for forgiveness, or for Pike to let him off the hook. If Pike wanted to teach them a lesson, or whatever, then Jim could take it.

“If they’ve got more to say, let’s hear it.” Pike nodded.

“Very well,” Spock started again, his tone authoritative as he strode back and forth. He confidence made Jim swoon slightly, and he hoped it didn’t show on his face. “Since we are soulmates, we were bonded –in a sense –following the moment we met. When Vulcan minds link, they open to one another. Now, my mind is susceptible to this, but Cadet Kirk’s is not, as he is a human. Therefore, this link was slowly damaging his mind, and the results would have been very serious, had we not taken action.” Jim swallowed hard as he felt the council’s eyes snap to him.

“That’s why you got married? So the Vulcans could repair his mind?” The blonde woman asked.

“Precisely.” Spock nodded.

“Hmm…this is all sounding very… _smart._ ” Number One smirked again. “That makes sense to me. What do you think, Chris?”

“Hmm…” Pike shifted a bit in his seat. “Well, it makes sense to me.”

“Right…” Barrett nodded, and Jim’s heart soared. This was all looking up!

“Admiral!” The older man was persistent. “Do we have any proof that Cadet Kirk was truly in danger!?”

Jim was ready to speak up and recount the details, but Spock spoke again. “I believe that the rules of the tribunal allow me to call forth a witness?”

Jim looked just as surprised as those on the council. A witness? He and Spock never talked about a witness? A witness to what, exactly? Admiral Barrett made a point of checking his watch and sighing. “That is correct.”

“This will not take long. I believe he is waiting outside.”  Spock nodded towards the blonde woman. She went to the door and it opened in a loud whoosh.

“Have a seat.” She said to whoever it was, before returning to her own seat.

Pavel looked especially small in comparison to the high table of the council, but he did not look intimidated as he walked to the table and took the seat previously occupied by Spock.

“Mr. Chekov,” Spock addressed him. “Will you please explain to the council what you witnessed.”

“Right. Well, I was at the café where I work, when the defendant came in…or, uh, the plaintiff? Whichever one Jim is.” He rolled his eyes. “Anyways, he had some lunch, but then when I came back to talk to him, he passed out.”

“I can confirm that this was just after Cadet Kirk and I first met, proving that we were already bonded, and the effects were already apparent.” Spock said.

“Wait, a minute!” The older man grumbled. “You said that he passed out? How do you know it wasn’t from food poising?”

“Hey, I cooked that food, you know!” Pavel retorted, and Number One laughed. Even Admiral Barrett looked amused.

“Alright, alright.” Barrett hushed her with a raise of one hand. “You’re dismissed, Mr. Chekov.” Jim watched as Pavel walked out, glaring over his shoulder at the older man.  Barret checked his watch again. “This all seems to check out…”

“It does not!” The older man persisted, and Jim really wished he’d shut the hell up. “What about the last charge!? They were flaunting their relationship! Professor Gable, you said you saw them.” He addressed the blonde woman, who again, looked startled.

“Yes, well, it may be being blown a bit out of proportion.” She moved her chair a fraction of an inch away from the older man. “They were only kissing.”

“Only!?” The older man started, but Admiral Barrett held out a hand in his direction.

“Let’s deliberate.” He said. “All in favor of dropping all charges?” Number One’s hand shot up. Pike and Professor Gable’s hands rose as well, and Jim’s heart soared. “All in favor of the seal of approval of this relationship, and moving on?”

Everyone but the older man kept their hands up. Jim didn’t think it mattered, majority ruled. He glanced excitedly to Spock, but Spock was just watching the older man.

“Professor Nelson?” Admiral Barrett sighed. “You know majority rules. You aren’t making any point by not agreeing. Unless you see a real reason….”

“Why! The entire thing is reason enough!” The older man stood up, but he was so stout that he hardly looked taller. “They’re running around under our noses…then they dare try and pass it off as an issue of health!?”

“Oh, come _on,_ Nelson.” Number One rolled her eyes and tightened her grip around Pike’s arm. “Don’t you remembered what it was like to be young…in love and stupid?”

 _“Who’s stupid?!”_ Jim thought, but held his tongue. It would be foolish to retort when everyone was on their side.

“Never mind.” Admiral Barrett began gathering the files from the table and reached for his briefcase. “We’re clearing you two of all charges. You’re free to go…and congrats on the marriage.”

Jim just sat still. Did that really just happen? They were…free? Just like that?

He looked over to Spock, who looked almost smug now. Professor Nelson grumbled something as he grabbed his own briefcase and left the room, the door whooshing loudly behind him. Professor Gable and Admiral Barrett left next, already in a deep discussion about something else.

Number One pushed her chair back and rushed to them. Since Jim was still sitting, she settled for saluting Spock with the tradition Vulcan greeting.

“Congrats.” She said, unable to stop smiling. “That was quite a defense…though, to be honest, I don’t think Kyle would have charged you even if you’d been ill prepared. He was already biased when he put me and Chris on the council.”

Jim stood up and walked around the table as Pike approached. Jim had never unironically saluted Pike a day in his life, but he found himself rigid now. He remembered how Pike had almost looked proud of him when Jim had said he was going with Spock to Vulcan. He hated to think that that respect was now gone.

“Well, Jim…” Pike grinned. “You really are your father’s son. That was quite a defense.”

“I-It was all Spock.” Jim chuckled. “He was looking up all these legal terms, and got us a witness…I’m just really glad it’s over.” He looked to Spock, and he could feel Spock’s happiness radiating back.

“We gotta get going.” Pike said, and Number One linked her arm with his once more. “But, I’ve still got an office here for the next few months before we ship out on the Akira, if you ever feel the need to drop by.”

“So…you’re not getting the Enterprise?” Jim quickly did the math in his head, and realized that if Pike left any time this year, he’d still be in space by the time the Enterprise saw completion.

“Nah,” Pike’s eyes flicked to his for a split second. “I think they’re saving that for some promising young captain…who knows. I’ll see you guys.” Number One waved as the two of them stepped out.

As soon as they were alone, Jim rushed to Spock, wrapping his arms around Spock’s neck as Spock tightened his arms around Jim and actually lifted him up. “We did it! We’re free! We can do whatever we want! We could even go out to the quad and make out if we want!”

“Jim --”

“I said _if_ we want…” Jim sighed in contentment, pressing his face into Spock’s shoulder for a moment before pulling back. “Come on, let’s get the heck outa here…” He took Spock’s hand and pulled him towards the hallway. Jim resisted the urge to jump Spock in the elevator, but he was still distracted as it opened, so much so that he almost ran into someone in the lobby.

“What happened?” Pavel asked. Jim looked around, and saw Pavel had not been waiting alone. Hikaru, McCoy, Christine, Nyota, and even Gaila were all standing around, looking at them expectantly.

“What are you guys doing here?” Jim asked.

“What do you think?” McCoy chuckled. “We came to see how it went. Did you get kicked out?”

“I…um.” Jim was suddenly filled with such a rush of affection for these people, that it took him a moment to clear his head. “No, didn’t do anything. They cleared us.” He smiled broadly.

There were laughs and claps of congratulations. “Thank goodness…” Pavel sighed. “I thought Professor Nelson, though…”

“Oh, that guy is an asshole!” Gaila crossed her arms, and Jim laughed.

“I have always disliked him.” Spock admitted, and Jim laughed harder.

“Come on, baby.” Jim reached for Spock’s hand once more. “I could sure use some food.”

“Oh, oh!” Pavel piped up again, bouncing a bit on his feet. “Let’s all go to the café! My boss is always bugging me to bring people!”

Jim ended up at one of the tiny tables, squashed between Spock and McCoy, as everyone else piled in. He just ate and let everyone else carry the conversation of shouts and laugher over cake. For the first time in months…even years, Jim felt different, as if he was suddenly freed of a weight he hadn’t even realized was on his shoulders.

He glanced sideways at Spock and smiled, and Spock gave him a small smile back. No one else seemed to notice this small moment, as McCoy was now in an intense argument with Hikaru about something. As they all chatted on, Jim allowed himself a split seconds indulgence and imagined them all like this, years later, after graduation…perhaps in a ship together. It wasn’t so farfetched of a fantasy, really.

❖ ❖ ❖

Things were very different following that day. Every night, rather than grading papers or making lesson plans in his office, Spock would do so in the comfort of his apartment that he now shared with Jim. Jim would often attempt to distract Spock from his work, which also delayed the completion of his own work.

 “Jim, if you do not allow me to finish this, then we will not have sexual intercourse tonight.” Spock would usually say, and Jim would grumble something, and sent a mix of both angry and dirty thoughts through the bond. Spock always knew Jim would get the hang of it with practice.

There was also plenty of time to be intimate over the coming holidays, which they spent in the cozy comfort of Winona Kirk’s house in Iowa. They weren’t alone, however, and could hear the pattering feet of Jim’s nephews on the stairs. They exchange loving glances over mugs of cocoa.

“When are _you two_ going to start having children?” Winona asked.

“Mom, please.” Jim blushed, and didn’t look at Spock.

“I believe our careers is what we are prioritizing at this point.” Spock said calmly, sipping his drink. “Though, in the future, I believe we will have children. A lot of children.”

Jim nearly choked on his drink. “Spock…define _a lot.”_

❖ ❖ ❖

By the spring semester of Jim’s second year, he and Spock were practically known for being joined at the hip. The fact that Jim was very easygoing and popular seemed to make Spock seem more approachable as well.

There was also the fact that in the previous semesters, the xenolinguistics club had gotten so big that it was now its own elective class, with Spock as the teacher. At this point, practically every cadet knew basic phrases in Vulcan.

 _“Good afternoon, Professor Spock.”_ A cadet said in Vulcan as she walked past the large ornate fountain where Spock and Jim were sitting.

 _“Good Afternoon.”_ He said back, and Jim could feel how pleased he was to get to use his native language so often. _“I hope you are doing your homework.”  
_ The cadet laughed, even though Jim knew Spock hadn’t been joking. Spock furrowed his brow in confusion, before returning to his work.

“How does it feel,” Jim turned to his other side where Nyota was sitting. “To know that your nerd club got so popular that there’s a waiting list to take the class?”

“Excellent.” She beamed. “And, you of all people should know that it’s not just for nerds.”

“I still think half the people are just in it because they’ve got the hots for Spock.” Jim reached out to place a hand on Spock’s knee. “Or for you, actually.”

“Watch it.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m his teacher’s assistant, so I can technically give you detention.”

“You wouldn’t.” He narrowed his eyes.

“You want a demerit?” She asked, pointing threateningly.

“Demerit, this.” He shoved her lightly, though when she went to brace her fall on the fountain’s edge, her hand slipped on the wet stone.

She gasped and stumbled back, bumping harshly into someone else who’d just taken a seat on her other side. Jim gasped as there was a loud splash from the fountain. Spock and Jim jumped up to help the person, but Nyota was faster.

“Are you okay? My stupid jerk of a friend pushed me!” She leaned over the edge towards them.

The person in the fountain didn’t look upset at all by the fact that he’d entirely fallen in. He was actually laughing. Jim thought he could actually see the stars in Nyota’s eyes when the stranger just looked up at her and asked for a towel in a Scottish accent.

“I think that’s our cue to leave…” Jim smirked as he gently grabbed Spock’s arm and led him away.

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

❖ Epilogue ❖

“Captain, shields are at thirty percent!” Hikaru’s voice was rigid, not calm, but not exactly freaking out either.

“Keptin! We cannot warp ahead!” Pavel was freaking out.

“Captain, they have us surrounded.” Spock was almost serene, but Jim could feel the anxiety through the bond so strong that it may as well be in his voice.

“Okay, everyone, stay calm.” Jim’s hands shook badly as he faced the screen. He could see only one enemy ship. How were they surrounded?

“Captain, the transmission is clear.” Nyota spoke up from somewhere behind him. “They have cloaked ships surrounding us.

Jim steadied himself, allowing himself a second to breath, to think. All eyes on the bridge were now on him. Even Hikaru and Pavel, who were usually so in sync, were now turned half-way at their stations to look at him.

 _“Jim…what do we do?”_ Spock asked through the bond.

Jim ignored the voice in favor of listening to the pounding of his own blood in his ears. The only other sound on the bridge other than the electric tones, was Scotty, who’d fallen over during their last warp. McCoy was attempting to bandage him now.

“Hold still, dammit!” McCoy grumbled.

“Captain,” Spock said louder. “We need your orders.”

“Backwards.” Jim whispered the epiphany, his eyes flying open and his chin lifting. “Mr. Sulu, on my count, warp us straight backwards!”

“What, are you insane!?” He hissed, though he did turn back in his chair to face his station.

“Sir…perhaps you do not remember, they said they had us surrounded!” Pavel said. “We will crash into them!”

“Do it, that’s an order.” Jim stood straighter, his hands clasped behind his back. Everyone called it his _serious pose_ , but really he was just channeling Spock when he did that.

“Aye…sir.”

_“Jim, what are you –“_

Jim ignored Spock in his head, and instead waited for the precise second. Though, precision to Jim, was actually random at best. “Now –warp!”

The Enterprise shot backwards like a bullet. There was a collective gasp and groan as everyone clung to their stations. Only, Jim, not having thought to hold onto anything, toppled backwards. He squeezed his eyes shut and prepared to crack his skull open, when Spock grabbed him tightly around the middle.

The ship groaned to an otherwise smooth stop. Jim opened his eyes and let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. Spock looked down at him, their faces inches apart in what might have been a romantic moment, had Jim not felt very sick.

“Oh, thank God!”

Nyota pulled off her headset and went to Scotty’s side. Spock steadied Jim onto his feet and stepped back. Jim felt nothing but relief, both his and Spock’s.

“Captain…” Hikaru was shaking his head. “How did you know we had a clear path? How did you know they were lying about having us surrounded?”

“I…I didn’t. I just took a shot.” Jim couldn’t help the sheepish smile from his face.

Jim was positive everyone’s laughter was just due to relief that they hadn’t all just died. He would definitely get hell for this tomorrow.

“Dumb luck…” McCoy grumbled from behind him, but Jim ignored it.

“Okay, I think that’s enough excitement for one day. Sulu, set a course for the nearest base…we probably desperately need repairs.”

“Yes sir.”

“Aye, you bet.” Scotty was now bandaged, and managed to stand. “We got hit so hard…this poor ship.”

“What about you!?” Nyota sighed.

“Ahh…just a flesh wound, lass.” Scotty chuckled.

Jim sighed, the reality of what just happened still sinking in. Death…it was so close all the time out here, well, that’s the way it seemed sometimes. Other times they went moths without a single hitch. Though, you’d think they were always under attack, the way McCoy acted.

“I need like…a ten-hour nap.” Jim started towards the door, and Spock fell in step beside him.

“How are you feeling, truly?” Spock asked, and Jim could feel his concern, even though he wasn’t looking at Spock’s face.

“Honestly?” Jim had a persistent stiffness in his hip, and persistent grey when he let his facial hair grow in. His only source of comfort was seeing that McCoy was several steps ahead in the greying department. “I feel great! We’re alive, and it’s smooth sailing until Yorktown!”

Jim opened the door to their quarters and stepped inside. His eyes immediately fell on one of the things that made life on the Enterprise so amazing.

“Fathers!” Soren jumped up from the couch and ran into Jim’s arms, nearly knocking him over once more. “I felt us warp! What happened?”

“Eh, you know, Klingons, or whatever…” Jim smoothed down his son’s hair and watched as Spock crossed the room to T’Mae’s playpen. As soon as their daughter saw Spock, she reached out for him, and he picked her up. “How is she?”

“Her fever broke at approximately 0800 hours, and she has been eating regularly.” Soren recited. At only eight years old, he was very much Spock’s son in terms of genius, though he had a tendency to smile a lot more.

“You know that I wasn’t talking about T’Mae.” Jim sighed, and looked to Spock, who was sharing his worried look. Only T’Mae was unconcerned, falling asleep in Spock’s arms.

“ _She…_ is illogically emotional.” Soren said.

“Don’t call your sister illogical.” Jim said, and he and Spock down looked towards the same bedroom door that had been persistently closed since last night.

Though, he had to admit, if there was one word to describe their oldest child, it would be emotional. Spock always assured Jim that Vulcan females were more emotional, and that she’d grow out of it, Jim thought that if she was going to grow out of anything, she would have done so already.

Fifteen was awfully old to go around screaming and crying and carrying on the way she did. And either way, she did not look or act very Vulcan. While their two younger children had dark hair and blue eyes, their oldest inherited Jim’s light hair. Coupled with her pointed ears, she often cried over looking like a self-proclaimed freak.

“Perhaps I should talk to her.” Spock said as he crossed the living area to put T’Mae in her crib.

“No, let me.” Jim said. The last thing they needed today was another shouting match. She was the only person Jim knew that could get Spock to raise his voice so frequently, and he really wanted to avoid that. Jim went to the door and knocked lightly.

“Mandy…come out here, please. I just saved this entire ship from destruction, and I’d like to see you…”

Just as he heard the door open, he braced himself to be screamed at. Instead, she ran at him and threw her arms around him in a hug. “You’re back!”

“Woah! Not so tight, I’m old and creaky.” He laughed, hugging her back. This was unexpected, but he wasn’t going to push her away.

“How are you feeling?” Spock asked as he approached her almost tentatively.

“I’m better, now.” She sighed. “Oh, I was feeling so horrible last night…and then this morning, I realized what was wrong!”

“…What was it?” Jim asked.

“Well, I was feeling very emotional.” She blushed a slight green. “Because of something…”

“Wait…” Jim shook his head slightly. “I thought you already had your period?”

“Ew, no Dad, not that! This!” She held out her arm.

Where it was bare the night before, words now marked her skin. Jim and Spock both leaned in to read, and even Soren poked his head between his fathers.

“Nice.” Jim chuckled.

“Very good. I now understand last night’s outburst. Your hormones must have been imbalanced impending your words revealing themselves…” Spock said with a nod.

“Okay, then if that explains just last night, then what explains the past several years of her screaming –“ Soren started.

“Shut up, brat!” Mandy ran at him, but Jim grabbed her arm.

“Both of you, stop. Soren, leave her alone. Mandy, don’t call your brother a brat.” He sighed, feeling a migraine coming on. “Why don’t you both go visit Uncle Bones for a while…and take T’Mae.”

“Yes, Father…” Soren said obediently, though Jim saw him stick his tongue out at Mandy before they left. Finally, the door closed, and Jim and Spock were finally alone.

“Thank God.” Jim sighed, taking in the sound of silence.

But before he could take it in for long, he felt Spock grab him by the shoulder and push him against the wall before kissing him roughly. Though Jim was startled, it only took a second to kiss him back.

“Did I hurt you?” Spock asked after pulling back.

“Just a little.” He winced, but then gave him a small smile. “Like I told the kids, I’m old and creaky. But, uh…it’s okay. I kinda liked it.”

“You have been very stressed lately, t’hy’la, and I intend to help you.” Spock said as he picked Jim up and started towards the door to their bedroom.

Jim shivered in anticipation. While he’d been on anxiety medication since his first year at the academy, there was a certain type of stress only Spock could fix. As they entered the bedroom and started pulling off each other’s clothes, Jim briefly glanced at the words on Spock’s arm, still as vibrant as they’d been the day they met.

“What about the kids?” Jim asked between gasps, as Spock was now kissing his neck.

“I have instructed Dr. McCoy to occupy the children for the evening.” Spock mumbled.

“God, I love you.” Jim grabbed Spock’s face and kissed him deeply.

“As I love you…” Spock replied.

It had been weeks since they had time together, and Jim had been starting to feel the effects. Jim allowed himself to finally relax, ready to spend the next several hours in the comforting embrace of his lover.

 

 The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you literally so much to everyone who read and loved this story. I had so much fun writing it, and I didn't want it to end, but I also didn't want to stretch out past the inevitable. 
> 
> Please let me know what you thought, and again, thank you so much for all the support!!! You can find my tumblr @frappuccinio
> 
> ^-^ i love you!!


End file.
